Things Happen
by FinnGrrPupPet
Summary: ~~~~~Finished!!~~~~Spike and Buffy are best friends, but when he falls in love with someone else, Buffy realises how much she loves him! Not what you expect! Please read and review!!!!
1. Default Chapter

**TITLE:**_ Things Happen Series – Part One _****

**DISCLAIMER:**_ No affiliation with any of the characters, actors/ss creators. I don't know one single person. Roughly based on the bollywood film: 'Kuch Kuch Hota Hai'     _

**SUMMARY:**_  Spike and Buffy are best friends, but when he falls in love with someone else, Buffy realises how much she loves him. _****

**THANX:** _ CazyRose! All at True Desires : UC Shippers!_

_~~~~~_

"Spike! WAKE UP!"

"Nyarghumngharoohmmmmmmmmmm"

Buffy shrugged and dropped the book as well as the chunky file, pencil case and stake she was carrying, on Spike's head.

"BLOODY HELL SLAYER!"

Spike violently thrashed at the covers and fell off the bed.   
  
"Class in 5 minutes Spike!" Buffy grinned and picked up her stuff, now scattered on the floor by Spike's bed.

"Bleedin' Slayer."

  
Spike grumbled all the way to the sink and splashed his face with water. He loved Buffy more than anything, but sometimes he felt the urge to get her 'Tact and Elegance for Ungroomed ladies' as a plea from himself and probably half of Campus.   
His face broke into a grin. Who wouldn't have laughed at the picture that his life was.   
Point One: Best friends with the Slayer   
Point Two: Living with said Slayer in a College dorm.   
Point Three: Taking University courses with his mortal **friends** who knew he was a vampire. 

Point Four: Not feeding. On blood. At All. He could if he wanted to, for pleasures sake. Red had found a spell that could stop Spike being reliant on blood for survival. It was necessary for the spell to use Slayers blood willingly given and Spike had to be a perfectly 'normal' vampire, no soul or chip or anything. He was. She was. And here he was.   
  
"Spike, I realllllyyyy gotta go!"

  
Buffy clicked her tongue and tapped her foot like she always did when he was late. Spike skidded out of their room, lunged at the door handle, yanked the door shut, grabbed the bored-looking Buffy's hand and 'legged it' (basically he ran like hell)  
  
The few people who didn't have classes then, grinned in the usual pattern of the infamous campus friends. Every morning without fail, they were late for Professor Chedock's  or Bowen's or Heugh's or…whoever's class they had. Buffy would always be waiting outside their room and Spike would always follow the same rushed, clumsy pattern of skidding, lunging and legging.   
  
 "Ah, Buffy, Will, I believe this is the 134th black order you are due to receive for lateness?" Professor Bowen sighed. They had punished and punished the two friends, however the tardiness continued. If they were that consistent with their grades, he mused, then they'd be a lot better off. 

Spike and Buffy grinned and slipped into their seats at the back, knowing that the professor's were tired of punishing them. A few of their friends did the usual greetings. Xander nodded his head, asleep to the world, Bradd winked at Buffy and smirked at Spike, Bella sighed and cocked her head in her 'it's the way of the world' way, Tucker and Tyson burped…that wasn't a greeting as such, they just did it because it disturbed Spike…. and the day began.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Spike and Willow were having a mild argument when Buffy sprinted up to Spike that afternoon, in the campus café. 

"Spike, there is no way, and I mean this Spike, no way at all that I'm doing that."

"Red, it's not exactly going to take you long."

"Spike, it's not morally right!"

"What so wrong about it. I'm into it. You're into it. I don't see where the morally wrong bit comes in. All I want is for you to be a bit wild this one time…."

Buffy raised her eyebrows as she and Spike did 'their little thingy'. It was just a habit for Spike and Buffy now, but their friends still found it funny. As if on cue, Spike and Buffy would start this little…'ritual' as Willow called it.   
- Touch noses

- Bump right shoulders.

- Hold an imaginary stake to own heart and stake twice.  
- Hug.

Willow grinned as Spike continued to talk while absent-mindedly doing his and Buffy's traditional greeting.   
  
_Those two are amazingly close_  
  
"What's on the uppy guys?" Buffy's eyes twinkled as she pulled away from the ritual hug, her mind brimming with puns about how the conversation she had heard could be twisted.  
  
"Spike's trying to make me ditch the assembly tomorrow to go with him to the Wicca/vamp meeting of the year."  
  


"Oh no…" Buffy groaned.   
  
"Whats up people?" Bella jogged up and was quickly filled in. "A whatty meeting?"  
  
" It's this weird thing where Wiccans who have cast powerful vampire nature –altering spells, gather with the vampires in question and go on show. Spike's obsessed with going because of last time."   
  
"I just want some nice QT with Red…"  
  
Buffy snorted. "Yeah right, ego-boy."

Bella grinned and tilted her head questioningly.

"This other vampire had got himself a Wicca who claimed to be able to make him not reliant on blood like Spike, and that vampire and his Wicca presented themselves to the group, before us, and we looked like copycats. Spike was laughed at by the other vamps."

Spike growled and then grinned.

"Whoa, what's with the happy?" Buffy furrowed her eyebrows.  
  
"I just got word that the soddin' vamp is dyin' again from bloodlust. Spell was a dud."  
  
"Spike – you are totally weird."

"I know pet, but you love me anyway."

Half the campus had at one point thought that Spike and Buffy were meant to be. That was after it emerged that Spike had been in love with Buffy. However, Spike had no doubt that he didn't feel like that about Buffy anymore – she was his best friend now. They did love each other, but, not like that.

"Damn." Spike glanced at his watch. " I got a class. See you guys."

"See ya Spike!" 

Spike rushed through the back door and sprinted to his last class of the day – Art.

Buffy hated Art more than anything, it was one subject they did not share. Spike liked the class despite the lack of close friends in it. He had always liked Art. Drawing had been all he could do to keep reminders of Drusilla and Angelus in the old days and he would secretly draw things during the day sometimes.  
  
Spike shook his head, shaking off the thought and he bumped into someone.

"Oh damn, sorry." Spike bent down to pick up the fallen sketchbooks and bumped heads with the stranger and they both laughed.

"How about I pick up the sheets that fell out and you can sort them into yours and mine in class." 

Spike looked up when he heard the unfamiliar, strong British accent hit his ears. His breath caught at the site before him. Big beautiful chocolate eyes were laughing into his. Big beautiful, female, erot-…exotic eyes.

"You don't like a Brit." Spike said, dumbly and his eyes bugged in horror when he realised he had said it out loud.

She laughed and her long dark hair fell over her shoulder. "No, I'm Spanish, but I've lived in England all my life, visited Spain every year for family though." She smiled and stood up, leaving a babbling Spike staring at the heel of her shoes. He quickly stood up mumbling about how lovely Spain was, as he stepped into the art class with the Spanish Brit.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Spike opened the dorm door and all but floated into the room. Buffy raised her eyebrow and watched as the glowing vampire breezed into the room, barely acknowledging her presence. 

"Halloo? Anyone at home in Spikeville?"

  
"Sara, but she likes to be called Sara, 23, with a body to die for and taste to eat up, Spanish, but brought up in good old England, just transferred for graduating year with us...with me."

Spike talked airily while easily doing the 'routine'.

- Touch noses

- Bump right shoulders.

- Hold an imaginary stake to own heart and stake twice.  
- Hug.

"Oh no, not another airhead." Buffy was used to Spike's flings, mostly with Harmony wannabes. She rolled her eyes as they pulled back from the hug.  
  
"She is the total opposite of airhead, she's just as smart as me and she checks me on almost everything, she's a great artist and she looks bloody brilliant with her hair up and all messy while she's sketching."

Buffy frowned and then smiled. Ok, so maybe this was a bit more than a fling....

"Hold that thought Spike, I think that take away gave me a tummy ache I need to take something, give me a sec and I'll be right back." 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

  
  
… lunged at the door handle, yanked the door shut, grabbed the bored-looking Buffy's hand and 'legged it'.

They bristled into the classroom and slid into their usual seats at the back. Buffy turned to Spike to share his textbook, realising hers was in their room and was annoyed to see his face was directed towards the professor.  
  
Since when is Spike so into Literature class?   
  
Granted, he had been the one to suggest it to her, but Spike was generally laid back in class, like her. She followed his gaze to the front of the classroom and found it rested, not on the professor, but on the back of an obviously female head.

That must be Sara

Spike was all but drooling as Buffy rolled her eyes and yanked his textbook out of his hand. He didn't even notice.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

- Touch noses

- Bump right shoulders.

- Hold an imaginary stake to own heart and stake twice  
- Hug  
  


"See ya Buff." Spike pulled away from the hug and rushed to catch up with the girl he had been watching all lesson.  
  
"See ya." Buffy mumbled and continued in the opposite direction. She didn't know why but she had a weird feeling in her tummy. It wasn't unusual for Spike to suddenly start doting on his new love interest, so it wasn't that she missed his company…

"Oh, sod this." She grumbled and head towards Bradd and Bella.

  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Spike stopped short of the library door and watched as Sara walked towards one of the private booths in the corner. His breath caught at her appearance.

Her Spanish eyes were focussed on whatever she was reading and her head was tilted ever so slightly and Spike swore that if she pouted he would combust. Her slender figure was clad in a pair of low riding deep red-brown flare corduroy trousers and an orange mid-drift-baring torn T-shirt.  Her hair was in a two messy braids, precariously held up in a lopsided bun-wannabe shape, by a big black claw.  
  
"Holy fuck."  
  
Spike slid into the library and eased into the booth that she was in.

Her eyebrows rose, but she kept silent as he started reading over her shoulder. 

"You do realise," she started, "that this booth is private?"

Spike comically pondered the thought and she smiled, never taking her eyes from his, challenging him. "Aware of the fact pet, but I'm always one for a little rule bending."

Her eyes twinkled as her face inched closer to his. Her lips inched closer to his.  
  
 "I'm sure Daddy won't mind." She breathed.

"Daddy?" Spike mumbled absently focused on her nearing face.

"Mmm, I think you call him Dean Restrepo."

Half focussed on the way her R's came out as purrs and half focused on the fact that she was the Dean's daughter, Spike was totally shocked by her kiss. 

 He forgot everything else as he expertly kissed her back.   
  
Buffy stopped dead in her tracks and watched them. Watched Spike. Kiss. Sara. She stopped breathing and felt as if a huge block was in her throat. Suddenly her head was filled with images of Buffy and Spike love. "Oh No." Buffy shook her head and sprinted from the library.   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*

Please please review!!!! I feel elated and I write more (if that's a bad thing – tell me!!)


	2. Chapter Two

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!? I MUST BE TOTALLY INSANE! 10000001%! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!??!?! SPIKE KISSING SOME TART MADE ME FREAK! IN THE MIDDLE OF A PUBLIC LIBRARY!?! THIS IS SPIKE!?!? SPIKE?!?! SPIKE MY BEST FRIEND SPIKE!!?!

*Knock knock*  
  
"C'mon in!" Buffy yelled, banging her head against the headboard of her bed a final time.

"Spike?"

Buffy looked up and wearily shook her head – "He's not here, mate."

"Oh'k!" the door slammed behind one of Spike's Art friends. Buffy didn't know his name.

Pull yourself together Buffy. It's a phase – you haven't had a guy in awhile – kinda miss having that feeling – you're JEALOUS of Spike getting a girlfriend, not of the girlfriend getting Spike. Not that you want a girlfriend, you want a boyfriend…  
  
It was long into night before Buffy got some sleep. Even so, she was asleep when Spike snuck in a lot later.  
  
*~*~*~*~~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*

_… lunged at the door handle, yanked the door shut, grabbed the bored-looking Buffy's hand and 'legged it'_.   
  
Buffy thought of the familiar routine and chided herself.   
  
I'm so stupid – Spike and me have strong friendship rituals, some stupid fling that-is-a-bit-more-than-a-fling could never damage that  
  


It was true that as time had gone on, Spike spent more and more time with Sara. Gone were the days when Buffy and Spike were attached at the hip. People had noticed, but hey, Spike and her still had some stuff that nothing could take away.   
  
Buffy stretched happily and felt the warmth of the sunrays warm her mood. She was feeling much better after her internal pep talk.  
   
  
This is going to be a GOOD day

"C'mon pet, we gotta get to class."

Buffy frowned at Spike's very-awake voice and sat up.

"Spike…you're…awake…and…ready…to go to…class?"

"Don't look so shocked pet – thought I'd betta clean up my act for our last year an all."

"Spike, graduating year is meant to be the one you mess around the MOST in."

"C'mon Slayer."

"How long have you been up?"

"Acoupleofhours."

"A COUPLE OF HOURS?"   
  
"SLAYER – are you or are you not coming – I'm perfectly happy to leave without you."

Buffy tried not to show how her face fell. She just realised what she smelt. Cologne. On. Spike. He was wearing different clothes. His books were all ready. He was practically glowing like a fucking luminous 'I'M HOT' sign in Vegas.

Dressed to impress

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The hall outside their room was filled with the usual mid-class loitering crowd. 

Buffy could feel them staring.

She could feel them stare at the change in the pattern of the last three years. 

She felt like they could feel how low she felt. 

She felt like they could see her eyes stung from unshed tears.

She felt like they could tell she wasn't his 'number one gal' anymore.  
  
She felt like they could tell he was oblivious.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

They made class with three minutes spare.   
  
Professor Guilder looked up momentarily and went back to his work. Then he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and looked up again.  William and Buffy had just come in. He checked his watch, almost comically. They were 3 minutes early.  He observed the changes. William was not chatting to Buffy as the two friends usually were. Instead, the man's eyes were scanning the room. Buffy looked detached, falsely happy and chatty. Guilder sighed. Buffy and William, though scolded often, were held close in all the professor's hearts. Rarely had such a strong friendship been seen. Their wit together was irresistible to all; you couldn't stay upset at them for long. He wished that whatever misfortune had occurred to cause such a change would disappear. He wished greatly for them to rush in late tomorrow.    
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Buffy head to her seat at the back of the lecture and slid into it, stacking her books in front of her.   
  
"Hey Buff," Buffy looked up at him and saw he was looking up front again. "I'm gonna sit up front today, ok pet?"  
  
Buffy's world collapsed. He didn't even look at her. He was too busy staring at the front of the room. Buffy didn't have to turn and see who it was. She knew.   
  
"Fuck you, Spike." she whispered, suddenly finding it harder to breathe.  
  
He had heard her. She knew it. He didn't care. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

She spent the whole lesson staring at him. Everyone was looking at her, at him too, but mostly her. She was alone and he was with someone. They didn't understand. Even Guilder seemed to be glancing at her and Spike.  
  
Buffy watched him lean towards _her_ notes. _Her_ hands slapped him away. He grabbed _her_ hand and Buffy watched them still for a few seconds. Staring at each other. He laid _her_ hand on the desk and used a biro in his hand to draw something on _her_ hand.  
  


Buffy did nothing but stare. And when the lesson ended. He stood with _her_ and left with _her_. Buffy left alone. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A week passed. Spike never sat with Buffy anymore. He left for classes without her and he didn't go slaying with her as often. When they were together, all he could talk about was Sara. More than a fucking fling.  
  
"Miss Summers!"

Buffy turned in the hallway and saw the Dean head towards her.

Is the whole family rooting for Buffy-misery? She stopped and shook her head. No reason to go weird Buffy, Dean Restrepo is actually kinda nice  
  
 "Yes, Sir?"

"Your Professors have started talking to me about your performance in class Miss Summers. They are terribly worried. You really can't afford to slack off too much in final year. You are detached, sometimes not even coming to your lectures, let alone participating. We want to help you, is something wrong?"

He knew what was wrong. He could see it in her eyes. He could see the same in Sara's eyes…without the sadness. His heart broke for the girl before him, but without interfering more than a Dean should, he could not help her.

"I- I'm sorry Dean Restrepo. Some...things have been happening a few problems with friends, family. It's nothing I can't handle. I'll be better after a rest-up weekend."

"I certainly hope so Miss Summers. If you need anything, my door is always open."

"Thanks."

He nodded and turned into his office leaving Buffy in the hallway for a moment, before she walked away.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Hello Buffy."

"Hey Giles, How ya doin?"

"I'm doing well, thank you Buffy. How are you and Spike?"  
  
"I'm cool Giles, Spike's great too."

She heard Giles chuckle slightly over the phone.

"What?" she asked

"Buffy, you never call me unless there is a problem of some sort. Spike and I alternate calling each fortnight and that is when you and I speak."

"Oh."

"And on that matter, I didn't receive a telephone call from him last weekend."

Buffy felt a stab of the hurt that had been following her all week. "He's been busy."

"Doing what exactly? I worry about you two you know. He is a target for orthodox vampires."

"I'll get him to call you Giles."

"Buffy, what's wrong?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Hey Spike!" Buffy called out.

"One minute, mate!" Spike waved his hand at his friend and turned back to Sara, "I did the two sketches but Denver wanted the other pieces from the chalk work done next week so I started the research bit, instead of next week so I have next week free for chalk work."  
  


"I already started chalk work, I finished most of my pieces, and I think I'll do one more and I'll have enough, but the two sketches haven't even been started yet and I still have the research bit to do."

"Well, how about we do the research bit now and I'll help you out – then next week you can finish research and do you sketches."

"Great, and I'll give you a hand with your chalk work next week so then our reports should be done at the same time and we can both pass."

"Damn right pet." Spike grinned and kissed Sara's smirking lips.  
  
Buffy watched them giggle and turned away.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Hey Buffy." Spike smiled as he entered their room and closed the door. He went in to touch noses but she turned her head away and said….

 "Hi."

"Whoa, what icicle is stuck up your arse pet?"

"Fuck you Spike."

Spike frowned and stared at Buffy. He could read her better than anyone – and he could read pretty clearly that she was pissed and dangerous.

"C'mon pet, we'll go patrollin' and I can help you pound some demon flesh."

Buffy felt her heart melt. She should have been mad. But she barely had any time with Spike anymore and what time she had, she wanted to use wisely. So she sucked up her pride.

"Fine."

Buffy grabbed her jacket and stalked out of the room leaving a raised-eyebrows Spike trailing behind her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"BUFFY!"

****kick**   
**  
"SLAYER!"

Spike dusted he vamp he was fighting and rushed to Buffy. 

A gang of 10 or so new-in-town vamps had launched themselves at Buffy and Spike. The fight had been on for over an hour since more and more vamps had come to aid the leaders of their 'gang'.

Spike had taken out all but one of them.

Buffy kept pounding at the first one. 

For the whole time.

"SLAYER, STAKE HIM!"

Buffy felt wrenching sobs seize her body again and a dull weakness seep into her muscles. It occurred to her that she was no longer fighting. She was being carried. She could smell him. She snuggled close to the familiar scent of cologne-less Spike and drifted into sleep. 

Spike gently walked up to their dorm room. He hadn't seen the Slayer like that…for a long time. He knew the last few weeks had been a blur to him, and he wracked his brain for anything he had noticed about Buffy that could have caused her to act like she had.

He couldn't remember much about her from the last few weeks.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Buffy?" Spike stood from the book he was reading from and was at her bedside in seconds.

"Spike……Spike…..?"

"I'm here, pet, wake up."

Buffy groaned at the ache in her muscles. " Why do I ache?"   
  


"An hour of non-stop kicking, and pounding and sobbing will do that to a Slayer."

Buffy remembered.

How the bloody hell am I meant to explain this?

"I'd like an explanation Slayer."

"You think you deserve one?" She said it before she thought.

"I do. I'd like to hear why you think I don't."

"Fuck you, Spike."

She swallowed and stared anywhere but at him.

 "Fuck you to hell, Spike."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Sara knocked lightly on the door. She fiddled with the pen in her fingers and smiled when she realised it was Spike's.

Buffy opened the door. "Hello? What idiot is daring to knock on the door at…."   
  
 "One PM?" Sara smiled with her answer and Buffy opened her sleepy eyes. 

"Oh." 

Sara's smile faltered when the simple word echoed. Buffy's eyes flickered pain and hate before being masked. But Sara had seen it.

"I'll get Spike for you."

"Gracias." Woah…Buffy?...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Buffy, you need to tell Spike."

"Gi--"

"Buffy, for goodness sakes girl, this is not the time to think. You need to face up to it. What's the worst that can happen?"

"You're right Giles."

~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~

It's tearin' up my heart when I'm with you  
But when we are apart, I feel it too

She ran. The doors seemed to open for her. In reality she ran right through them. The people seemed to step out of her way. In reality she moved them out of her way. The Slayer had the highest level of determination she had ever felt and it threatened to spill before she reached its goal. The Slayer was going to get her vampire.

And no matter what I do, I feel the pain  
With or without you

Spike was energised. He had been waiting for this day for the past few weeks. She thought he didn't realise she was getting annoyed with him, but he did. He knew that he would be forgiven after she found out why. It had just been so clear to him, what he wanted he was going to get. Sure, he was immortal, but he could get staked any day of patrol and she was mortal. He was through being careful, unlife was about risks, going for what you want and getting it. Spike was going to get his girl.

Baby I don't understand just why we can't be lovers  
Things are getting out of hand

The whole sexual tension thing just wasn't working for her anyway. Spike was hers. She was his. As simple as that. The times she wanted to die. Hated her fate. Didn't want to be the Slayer. The times when he made her live. Lived her fate. Made her proud to be the Slayer. The times he told her that she was the best. 

Trying too much but baby we can't win  
Let her go; If you want me boy let me know

Buffy ran into the centre of the courtyard and collided with a figure that had been travelling at the same speed as her. She knew it was him before she hit the ground. 

"Buffy, you ok?"

She smiled. "Yeah, I'm ok Spike." She furrowed her eyebrows at his heavy _breathing_ and gleaming, darting eyes. Then she smiled and prepared to let her heart pour out its secrets-

"I love you!" 

Buffy froze and then double-checked – no she hadn't started talking yet… so... Spike had said…

"I love you and you accept me for who I am. I can't imagine unlife without you and I want to make you mine. Will you marry me?" 

Spike looked at her in anticipation.

"Yes." Buffy managed to choke out. "Oh god, yes. I love you so much."

Spike grinned. "You think she'll say that then?"

"Huh?" Buffy shook her head in confusion.

"Sara? Duh. Who did you think I was practicing on you for? Red?" 

"What?" Buffy couldn't understand how horribly wrong it had all gone…

Spike rolled his eyes. "Slayer, you are so dense sometimes. Look, I gotta go, I'm late for Sara and this is a very important occasion. Wish me luck, Slayer. I'm goin' all poncy."  With a grin and wink he continued to run. Away.

"SPIKE!"

He slowed and turned on the spot, still jogging. "What is it Slayer?"

Her face showed desperation, it showed need. She had never needed him to read her more than she did right then. For three seconds she let her eyes meet with his and tell him everything. 

"What Slayer, I have to go!"

Her insides iced over from that very second. He was so in love…he was blind to her. 

"I-uh... I mean…" she smiled and looked down, knowing she couldn't have held it.   
 "You wanted luck right?" she looked up and raised her eyebrows.

_- Touch noses_

_- Bump right shoulders._

_- Hold an invisible stake to own heart and stake twice.  
- Hug._

She wished that hug could go on forever. But she felt rather than saw him pull away, whisper thank you and run. 

She fell to her knees and opened her eyes to stare at an empty courtyard. She watched a stray soda can lying in the grass. Her lip trembled. Her breaths came as chokes. 

The Slayer cried for losing a vampire.

I am down on my knees; I can't take it any more

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~**~~**~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~~**~~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


	3. Going for It

**Thank you Norsk. I hope this chapter clears stuff up for you. **

**Kirsten: Thank you!!**

**LexiaRein: hehehehe. That made me giggle! You made me giggle!! I'm STILL giggling! **

**Thanks Cazy again, for the insanity.  
sglanton: Willow set him up in the sun thing too – sorry it wasn't clear – I tried to make it clearer here. Thanks!  
(): Thank you! Don't feel stupid! You made me v.v.v.v happy!**

**Sheri: Thank you!! *feeling tingly***

**Kelso: Yup, I am planning on having more B/S history. Thanks 4 reviewing!!**

**Chip: Thank you for the nice review!!**

__

_Song in this episode is 'Goodbye to you' Michelle Branch!    _

_Lyrics are between these lines: ----   _

_~~~~~_

**_--Of all the things  
I've believed in  
I just want to  
Get it over with--_**

Buffy growled at the tears falling down her face, thrashing her hand across her cheek in an attempt to stop them. The bag was nearly full and she rapidly glanced round the room for anything that she hadn't packed. When she was convinced she had packed all she wanted to take she zipped the big sports bag up. Determined to stop her lip shaking, she calmly grabbed the 'Slayer' bag full of her stakes and holy water. Without a second glance she left the room with a door-banging echo.

Then 3 minutes later she opened it again. 

The Slayer picked up the photo frame that rested on her bedside table. The picture was of her and the blond vampire. She smiled. She opened the drawer a few feet away and picked out a photo album that she shared with Spike. There were pictures of happy days. Spike and Buffy, fighting together, Willow and Spike at the Wicca/vamp meeting where Spike got rid of some of the disadvantages of unlife, Spike in the sun mock-posing disgust at a bloodbag (right after the meeting!), Buffy, Willow and Tara covered in face mud and painting their nails, Dawn, Spike dragging Buffy to the Sunnydale Uni student registration centre, Buffy smiling just outside the centre when she got Spike to join as well, Willow and Spike at the magic shop with Anya harassing a customer, Spike dancing to Madonna's 'Vogue' (the picture had been taken without his knowledge or consent), Anya and Xander when she convinced him to take a short course at the university, Buffy, Anya and Spike eating burgers, Giles and Spike playing chess, Giles and Spike in Oxford from two years ago when Spike visited the former-Watcher, Willow and Giles in the computer lab when Giles visited them, Buffy and Spike seeing the sights of Oxford with Giles, Xander, Willow and Dawn trailing in the background with Anya spewing off historical commentaries and Tara quietly observing everything….

**_--Tears form behind my eyes  
But I do not cry--_**

Buffy stifled the tears that wanted to spill. She remembered Oxford well. The blond had loved it. The spires and cobbled streets had warmed her to the city quickly. Spike had known his way round from previous experience and had showed her around.  Dawn had loved it, enjoying the Covered Market and how small the Clarendon Centre was in comparison to a Sunnydale mall.   
  


Sunnydale didn't need a Slayer that desperately. Willow, Tara, Xander, Spike and Anya could handle it without her if she asked Angel to move back or at least commute…Buffy wanted to go back to England. Spend sometime with Giles. That's where she would go. To Oxford. 

…………………………………………………………………………………………

"Yes. Of course, Yes!" 

Spike felt his heart soar and with trembling hands, he slipped the ring onto the hand of the beautiful woman in front of him.

Sara smiled and they kissed. And the world faded away. Demons, Evil, Pain…nothing made sense or mattered. And the world seemed right for once.

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

"Giles?"

"Buffy! What a surprise…How did…I mean… What…"

"He's engaged."

"Oh, my."

"To Sara."

"Ye-Yes, Buffy I'm sorry."

"Giles, I think I'm going to come to Oxford."

"Yes, I think you need a holiday."

"No. I mean…I think I'm going to move."

"Buffy, really--"

"No, Giles, I've been thinking and Dawn needs a change just as much as I do. I just want to start new. It's not just Spike."

What a lie.

"Buffy…"

"Whatever you say…I'm doing it. I can rent out the house to get myself some money until I can work there. Willow won't mind checking that the tenants are good guys and…please Giles. I need you."

"Very well Buffy, How will you tell Spike?"

"I won't."

"Surely you want to finish university?"

"It'll take until graduation to sort out the house and Dawns school. I have enough money to do this…if we could stay with you for just a few weeks…"

"Buffy. You…you and Dawn are like my own children. I understand if you want your independence…but I would love your company here. This is a big house, it needs some more life in it."

"Thank you Giles. That sounds nice…safe."

"Is there anything I can do to make it easier for you?"

"I don't expect you to stop talking to Spike…but I don't want him to know where I am. I'll tell the others…but I don't want him coming to see me…just…please don't mention where I am…pretend that you don't know."

"Are you sure you're doing the right thing?"

"Yes."

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

**_--Counting the days  
That pass me by--_**

  
From there, Buffy slowly set about her tasks. Giles was going to come for their graduation and then go back to England with Buffy right after the ceremony. Angel decided to send a crime-fighting couple from LA to stay in Sunnydale. Gunn and Fred.  They would stay at the Summer's residence and pay rent to Buffy. Angel made sure that no one would mention Buffy's plan to anyone…ever. One by one, each of Buffy's friends excepting Spike was informed. Finally, a week before the graduation, Buffy went for her final meeting with Dean Restrepo.

"Ah, hello Buffy, come in."

"I understand you wanted to see me."

"Yes, I would like to change the forwarding address on my forms, so that I can still receive leavers-stuff and any offers sent for me."

"Oh, I didn't realise you were moving house. A better location in Sunnydale?"

"No, Sir. I'll be leaving for England after graduation."

The Dean looked deeply into the woman before him whose eyes were crying tearlessly. 

"I have an idea why you are leaving."

"I'm sure you do."

"He cares very much for you."

"I have no resentment for Sara or Spike. It's just…. Sir…."

The old man sighed. "Sara hasn't mentioned this."

"That's because she doesn't know. Neither does Spike, and I hope I can trust you not to mention it. I don't want Spike to know where I am…you know that he is a…"

"Vampire, yes. Sara, William and myself had a long discussion about this…and you are…"

"The Slayer, yes. Well, he can easily find me if he sets out to it. I've had Willow do a spell network stopping his demon world sources providing him with information about where I am going…. You are the only other person that needed to know and the only one I need assurance from that you will not tell Spike or Sara or anyone where I am going and when…and why. They don't know."

"Buffy, do reconsider…"

"My mind is made, Dean Restrepo."

"Very Well, Buffy. Where are you going?"

"Oxford, Sir."

 ………………………………………………………………………………………….

**_--I've been searching  
Deep down in my soul--_**

Giles smiled proudly as he watched, the children he had watched grow up into adults, gain a university education. William, Buffy, Xander, Willow, Tara…. they all smiled…happiness they had not felt for a long time shining through.

The Watcher frowned slightly as Spike kissed Sara…since the others had been told of Buffy's feelings…they all looked uncomfortable to say the least.

Once the ceremony was over, Giles joined the graduates near the food tables. 

"Giles!" 

"G-man!"

"You don't want the shop do you?"

"Watcher!"

"Hello."

Everyone fell silent when they heard Sara's word of greeting. Spike visibly shone and pulled his fiancée forward.

"Rupert, meet my fiancée, Sara."

Giles took in the girl's nervous expression and hopeful eyes. He could see that she loved Spike very much and wanted to be accepted by the man Spike looked up to as a father. 

"It's very nice to meet you, Sara."

And with that the talking began again. Spike had recently begun to see the Watcher as almost a role-model figure and having his acceptance was very important. 

"When are you going back to England, mate?"

"I shall be taking a flight in two hours actually."

"That reminds me Spike," Buffy jumped in animatedly, "You won't be able to see him off, you and Sara have to stay here for the Dean's speech!"

…………………………………………………………………………………………

Dawn smiled at another memory that flooded into her mind. The house was bare of Summer's memorabilia now, only furniture remained since everything was at this moment on its way to England. 

"When will our stuff get to Giles' house?" Dawn asked.

"Well, we should get to Heathrow airport at about 7pm, UK time and then Giles says it takes about an hour to get to Oxford by bus, from there, we get his car from where he parked it – ready for us – and it should only take 15 or so minutes to get to his house…hopefully we'll be there by 8:30pm, provided nothing bad happens…that means we can call for our stuff and have it there in two hours…they'll probably leave it till early the next morning I guess."

Dawn nodded and sighed at all she was leaving behind. A part of her would miss Sunnydale, this house…but a large part of her needed this...cleansing…going to a new place…trying to start with a fresh slate. Buffy would still have to be the Slayer, but her duties would be a lot lighter and maybe their lives would be semi-normal. 

Giles entered the room and cleared his throat. "Buffy, Dawn, Xander's here to take us to the airport. It's time to go."

Buffy nodded and stood, reaching her hand out to Dawn. They held hands and picked up their hand luggage. Stopping only to smile at the house for a moment, Buffy closed the door on Sunnydale and walked into the sunlight with Dawn.

****

…………………………………………………………………………………………

****

**_--Words that I'm hearing  
Are starting to get old---_**

"I'm gonna miss you so much."

"I'm gonna miss you too."

"I'll just be calling you like everyDAY!"

"Watch the phone bill!"

"I am going to miss you more than anything!"

~~~"This is an announcement for passengers flying to Chicago on BA459. Boarding will begin in 45 minutes. Until then, feel free to wait at Gate 16."~~~

The gang were at Gate 16, since Buffy, Dawn and Giles had planned to catch another plane at Chicago to get to London – in case Spike checked. Xander, Anya, Willow, Tara, Angel and even Cordelia were all present, each talking privately with the departers.

Buffy took Angel aside for a moment.

"Here, these are the keys and papers that Gunn and Fred will need for the house."

"I'll make sure they get them."

"Thank you."

They were silent for a moment and then Angel did something unexpected, he lifted Buffy's wrist to his mouth and bit into it. Buffy was startled at the gesture but was even more surprised that Angel seemed to be **_giving_** her blood instead of taking it. Suddenly an aching sadness settled over her heart and she felt more lifeless than she had been feeling. "An-Angel…what did you…do?"

"I'm giving you a few moments of what Spike will feel forever if you leave without any explanation."

"He won't feel this, Angel. He is too happy…"

"He does love you Buffy, he cares about you. That hasn't all disappeared."

"I know Angel, maybe I'll call him or something…he will forget, eventually."

…………………………………………………………………………………………

While they talked, Giles was also whispering to Willow. 

"Could you telephone Spike and let him know, he could still get here in time."

"Giles…Buffy doesn't want…"

"He won't know where she is going…but he will at least see her knowing it will be the last time he will do so."

…………………………………………………………………………………………

Spike smiled before pulling aside to answer his phone.

"Spike here, the one and only, fiancée bearing, kick-ass vamp around."

"Spike, I need you to come to the airport right now."

"What? Why, Red?"

"Buffy's moving away Spike, she didn't want to tell you, she doesn't know I'm calling…but I think you should come and say goodbye…"

…………………………………………………………………………………………

**_--It feels like  
I'm starting all over again--_**

~~~ "Boarding seat 23 through to 34 please. Passengers please go to the nearest boarding door."~~~

"That's not us just yet." Giles whispered. 

"Oh, Buffy, I wish you weren't leaving." Willow sighed.

"Me too." Spike's voice seemed to echo as Buffy's eyes widened almost comically had the situation not been so sombre. 

"Spike…"

"Slayer."

Everyone stepped away, Sara having come with Spike, also slid away, leaving the two friends together. 

"What's happened, Slayer? One day I'm the happiest bloke on this bleedin' globe and now you're leaving me. Why are you leaving me, pet?"

Buffy's heart started aching painfully and silent tears began to shed. 

"I have to do this Spike and I can't tell you why, it's better this way."

**_--The last three years  
Were just pretend--_**

Spike didn't understand how things had changed so suddenly. It was insane…they had been together for so long, shared everything and now at the most important point in his unlife…she was leaving. All those years, slowly bringing her back to life, slowly becoming friends, slowly becoming soul mates. Life had been harsh and cruel but good, good because they had each other. And she was leaving. It was insane. He just didn't understand.

"Where are you going, pet?"

"I can't tell you that Spike…I don't want you to try and find me."

Spike's head shot up and he grabbed Buffy's shoulders. His eyes glowed golden and he forced down his urge to vamp out. 

"So, this is meant to be it, FOREVER, Slayer?"

**_--And I said  
Goodbye to you--_**

"Yes."

The simple word shattered Spike's being to his core. She was serious. All the years they had spent together, the memories assaulted his mind viciously as he fought to understand that he would never see her again.

**_--Goodbye to everything  
I thought I knew--_**

The whole world seemed to tilt, everything she had understood and her simple routines were all meaningless, shattered and unimportant. But it had to be done. That was simply the way. 

~~~ "Would all the remaining passengers for BA459 please board now."~~~

"That's me."

"Don't go." Spike pleaded, his voice pitiful.

"Goodbye, Spike."

_- Touch noses_

_- Bump right shoulders._

_- Hold an invisible stake to own heart and stake twice.  
- Hug._

"I love you." Buffy whispered into his shoulder.

"I love you too, Slayer."

She felt his tears on her shoulder and she pulled back from the hug. Walking towards Sara, Buffy pulled out a box.

"I'll be missing the wedding, so I figured I should give you something now. It's not anything…but it's yours. Look after it."

Sara smiled, and then frowned slightly. There was something, not quite right about the Slayer. And then. She knew. Buffy was in love with Spike.

"Goodbye, Buffy. I promise to look after him."

The blonde nodded and again faced Spike. "Bye, Blondie."

Mute, the vampire could do little, he protested, pulling her away from the gate, refusing to let her leave.

"I'm leaving Spike."

"NO!"

Buffy hit him across the face and ran towards the boarding door. "Angel, take care of him, please." She called back as she joined Giles and Dawn.

Angel held Spike back from stopping Buffy, but he could not stop Spike yelling one final sentiment.

"SLAYER!"

Buffy paused but did not turn to face him. 

"You're my sunlight, pet. Don't go."

"Goodbye, Spike." she choked out, tears falling freely now. Silently, she waved to the Scoobies and walked onto the plane.

**_--You were the one I loved  
The one thing that  
I tried to hold on to--_**

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~**~~**~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~~**~~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
TBC

Please please more lovely reviews!!!!!!


	4. Memories

**Jade: Thank you! I hope you like this one!**

**Lyn: Aww! Thank you soo much! That was such a lovely e-mail. I had worried that it was a bit off-character.**

**Kirsten: Thank you! You are lovely!**

**Cazy: Well. What can I say?  
  
Sorry this one is so short!! I think the chapters will be shorter from now on, but frequent!  I think that is better than long but far apart? Please review!! It realllly does make me do more! Oh and I hope you guys read the lyrics! I really try and make them very symbolic and part of the story! Please review what you think of them! Good or bad!**

__

_Song in this episode is 'Goodbye to you' Michelle Branch!    _

_Lyrics are between these lines: ----   _

_~~~~~_

****

**_--I still get lost in your eyes--_**

"Buffy?"

The blonde, turned away from the plane window, and shook herself out of the teary daze she had been slipping into.

"Yeah?" she tried to put on a smile for Dawn, but it was empty and they both knew it.

"I'm gonna go sit in the seat by Giles. I wanna ask him more about England."

"Ok."

Buffy groaned at the headache that had settled to suck at her brain. All she had been thinking about was Spike. She thought that leaving him would make the memories fade away. But she could see him; feel him as if he were right there, making her loose herself. 

~~~~~~~~flashback: memory~~~~~~~~~~~

"You need to find yourself, pet."

"Spike, its so- it's so hard." She breathed out, a choking sound accompanying the heartbreaking statement.

"Buffy, you're back on earth again. I know that hurts. It hurts me too. It kills me, pet. But - you. Are. Back. You need to live, luv. It's been too long Buffy. Nearly a year! It can be good, it can be so good. Try."

"I can't do it Spike! You don't know what its like to just come back to life! You don't HAVE to! You couldn't possibly understand!"

"I could."

And he did. Spike joined Buffy in the land of the living. Since Willow had 'helped' him out, he was as free as anyone else. He could go in the sun, for a limited amount of time, yes, but still – Willow was working on that. He no longer needed blood and to be honest, he didn't want it. 

Spike got a job. Spike got a birth certificate, a passport and an existence. All over again, just like Buffy had done. Spike had enrolled in college just as Buffy had done. Spike had to patrol just like Buffy did. Spike was Buffy and Buffy was Spike. They did it together. Everything Buffy had to do, Spike had to do. Every test Buffy had to face – Spike faced too. At home, in school and on patrol. If Dawn was pissed at Buffy, she was most likely pissed at Spike too. If a professor was angry that Buffy hadn't finished an assignment, they were angry that Spike too hadn't finished the assignment. If a demon tried to kill Buffy – well, that one never happened. Spike was always in front of her, wasn't he?

And so, life had gone on. They breathed each other for a long, long time. For nearly two and a half years, Buffy and Spike were one and the same. But things change. People get better. And Buffy no longer felt dead. And neither did Spike. They had brought each other to life and proceeded to keep each other alive. 

But things, I fear, do change. 

**_--_****_And it seems that  
I can't live a day without you_****_--_**

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~**~~**~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~~**~~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
TBC

Please review!!!!!!


	5. Sara

**Stacie: Thanks!!!!**

**Sara: Thank you!!! I hope this one is to your liking!!**

**LexiaRein: WOW! You are an AWESOME reviewer! Oh my goodness!! I YELPED!!! You made me *yelp***

**Kirsten: Thank you! You are lovely! Again! Your reviews are a joy!**

**Anna: Thanks! Am   v.v.v glad u liked it!**

**Cazy: Well. What can I say?  
P: You've seen Kuch Kuch Hota Hai!?!?! YAY!!! Kajol and Shah are just plain gorgeous together, no one can disagree with me!!  Don't give away what night happen!!! Do you think I've done it ok so far? I know I changed the beginning, but….**

**A reviewer: Thank you!!  
Kelso: Alas, no! Read on!  
spykdsocca: very mysterious…….but nice…………..**

**  
This is a long one!! Luckily the writers block hasn't kicked in so I'm ok!!!!  
Not much B/S but please bear with me, this all does have a point!!!! And please please review – this was hard to write and I'm worried about the turn out!**

__

_Song in this episode is 'Goodbye to you' Michelle Branch!    _

_Lyrics are between these lines: ----   _

_~~~~~_

Time seemed to continue on. Spike tried every force within his reach and some that weren't to find Buffy. All of it was to no avail. She was gone. Willow, Sara and Xander tried to soothe him, but for a long long time, he would not forget her. Spike and Sara moved to Spain, as did Sara's Father.  Xander and Anya were married a year or so after Spike and Sara and soon graced the world with a little girl who was uncannily like her mother. Willow remained single and was often in different parts of the world with her Computer Technology Company. Spike was unaware that the Scoobies continued a relationship with Buffy and they took great pains to keep it that way. Though they strongly urged her to talk to him, she refused. Spike talked to Giles every now and again and life generally carried on. 

Sara was for him a blessing. He didn't understand how his years of killing could still allow for him to feel such happiness as he did with her. Though, he missed Buffy, he learnt to live without her as years went by. As did Buffy, but not a day went by when they didn't think of each other. Sara never told Spike that Buffy loved him. It was not her love to declare. A part of her ached for them to be close as they used to be, but she knew it would be like sending Buffy to hell to ask her to talk and laugh and be with Spike knowing she could not BE with him. 

Sara too was unaware of Buffy's whearabouts, but in the unusual ways of her father, she guessed that he had an idea. She left it, as things are meant to be left and life went on. 

~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~**~*~*

**Two years after their graduation. Two years since Buffy left**.

Buffy munched on a croissant as she finished the last pile of marking that she had to do. Working as a teacher had seemed painfully unsuited to her personality, but when the bills need to be paid you can do pretty crazy stuff.  

To everyone's surprise she flourished. Her classes were famed for their top grades and happy atmosphere. The kids loved her and the parents loved her in turn. Dawn was doing well, almost insanely happy with the move. Giles was Giles, he insisted on using the substantial sum sent from the Watcher's Council Pension plan to support himself, Buffy and Dawn. 

Her friends still tried to get her to talk to Spike, but he was in her past. She didn't want to get herself tangles in things like that anymore. This was her new life and dusty memories had no place it in. 

Except in her head.

And her heart.

And her thoughts.

And her dreams.

But that's it. 

~~~~~~~~~*********~~~~~~~~~********~~~~~~~~~~~

At this same time, on the 2nd Anniversary of Spike and Sara's marriage, they received a very special gift from Willow. The gift of one child. One night where conception was possible. And they took it. Spike couldn't believe that this was even possible, but it was. Sara's growing belly was proof of that. 

Clothes and toys and bottles and hats and gloves and brushes and baby tubs and a pram were all bought. One of their rooms was converted into a nursery and the months leading to the delivery were filled with thankfulness and blessings. Most of all, anticipation. Around seven and a half months Spike started showing classic signs of vampire 'nesting'. Sara was fussed over and kept in the house, his game face was practically ever present and he wouldn't leave Sara alone for longer than a few minutes. She was agitated with the stifling, but his love and intentions were so blatantly adorable, she hadn't the heart to tell him to cut it out. 

~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~****~***********

**Two weeks before the set birth-date.**

"NO!!!!" 

Willow grasped at the plain air. The demon was gone. And in its wake was the choice. Revenge against Spike for going against demon kind. Either Sara or the baby. Not both. Couldn't have both. Willow would have to say something. 

Cursed. 

They were cursed. 

So much happiness taken away by a demon with a grudge. Sara or the baby.

Willow fumbled at the door to the hospital room. She had gone to Spike and Sara's home straight from the airport, but they weren't in. One of the maids had told her that Sara had started feeling pangs in her belly and they had had to take her to the hospital. Willow felt bile rise in her throat. Sara or the baby. 

Spike smiled as Willow entered the room. Her face was pale, but she still looked beautiful. The redhead hugged him and asked how Sara was. Spike turned to look at the wonderful soul that was his wife. She was sleeping. 

"The doctor is going to talk to us in a little while."

"Is it serious?"  
  
"I don't know."

"Where's Peter?"

"He's doing the classic worrying act, its kinda funny watching him go from Dean to Dad every few seconds."

"Where is he?"

"Waiting room."

"Oh."

Spike shrugged and walked to the window. Willow watched as he held his head in his hands, and she saw his shoulders tense as he yet again held back tears of worry. It had been a long time since Sara had been brought to the hospital.

"Hey," Willow's voice was hushed, her hand on his back, "Why don't you go take a walk or get something to eat. I'd like to be with Sara for a bit."

Nodding, he kissed her cheek and left the room, glancing at Sara fleetingly.

Willow took a deep breath and her face deflated with sadness. Tears started streaming down her face and she tried in vain to silence herself. 

"Will?"

"Sa-," Willow swallowed the frog in her throat and continued, "Sara!"

"Why were you crying?"

"I…uhm…I was just worried."

"Willow, what's happening to me?"

So Willow told her. And Sara, like the strong woman she was, did not cry. She nodded and sighed. But no tears. 

"Well, of course it will be the baby over me. "

Willow bit her lip. She couldn't argue.

"I don't want William to know."

Willow nodded, mute. 

"Tell the doctor not to tell him, he must not know. It will kill him if he has to wait for it all to happen."

Willow opened her mouth to protest, but she was cut off.

"I'm sorry Willow, that is what I want. Please respect that."

Again, Willow nodded.

"It's sad to think my baby won't know me."

"Oh, Oh, Sara, she will. We'll tell her all about you…and- " Willow's words were ugly and matted with her regenerated tears. "We'll show her pictures and your paintings and drawings and Sara, Spike, he'll keep you more alive than any of us."

Sara smiled, and nodded.

"I need to sleep."

"I'm sorry."

"No, Willow. Don't be sorry. It is by you that me and Spike are bringing something so special into the world, do not be sorry for our baby's existence."

~**~**~*~**~**~*~*~**~**~*~*~*~~*~**~~*~*

"She's fine, as is the baby."

"Oh, Oh, wow." Spike let out a breath he didn't need and hugged Sara.

"She will have to stay in the hospital, just in case. The baby could come right this second for all we know, and we really need her to be here the second her labour starts."

"Make sure you get the drugs." Anya supplied energetically. "Hallie was a-"

"Ssh, Ahn." Xander, still the goofy man of the group, hushed his wife who shrugged and smiled at Sara.

Willow tried to smile, but the doctor's false hopes were going to have no happy ending, she knew. He thought it was possible to save them both. Willow knew it wasn't. She had tried and tried, but the curse upon Sara was irreversible. The redhead looked towards the mother-to-be and her heart ached as she saw that Sara was smiling with joy and rubbing her tummy, talking about a future that existed in the stars.

~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*

A week of nothing went by. Sara seemed to prefer to sleep a lot, but other times she would be wheeled around the floor, or if she was lucky, outside. She was visited and gossiped to, no one noticing, the surreal way her eyes seemed to be memorising them. 

Willow was positively sick. She had been throwing up almost everyday and her heart ached with such force, she felt crippled and cried herself to sleep. 

Sara was radiant, glowing in an almost heavenly way as Spike had said. 

The world was tilting and Willow knew with some sort of sick sixth sense when Sara would go into labour. Her head turned to the door a few seconds before the nurse walked into the cafe telling them that Sara had just been rushed into the delivery room. 

It was all quite fast really, Willow mused, half an hour later. 

~*****~*****~********~********~*********~********

"…. she has an indefinite amount of time left. Perhaps another half hour at the most. She is very weak, but she wants to see you. I'm sorry."

Spike froze. His heart felt heavier than it had ever felt in his entire existence. He felt as if all his internal organs were merging into each other and shoving themselves in his head. 

He stepped into the room. It was white, the sun streaming across the room and resting across her beautiful face. She smiled at him, her eyes still holding the sparkle he lived for. 

"I hate you." The words slipped from his mouth the second he saw her.

"I'm sorry."

He didn't cry. He simply sat on the bed beside her.

"She's beautiful, William. Hold her."

Spike stood and walked to the cradle holding his baby girl. He picked her to his breast and felt her heartbeat move through his body like she was claiming him as her father. 

"Her name is Elizabeth."

Spike stilled, he remembered Buffy again. But now was not the time to think of her. He gently put Elizabeth back in the crib and walked back to Sara. Feeling as though her work was done, she laid her head against the pillow and took his hand.

They sat silently together for a minute or so before Spike choked out a half-hearted,

 "I hate you." 

And then the tears came. 

"Ssh." 

He cradled himself against Sara's still-beating body and sobbed. It was an ugly, deformed sound that sounded the utmost of agony. Slowly, the tears held back for the time being and again, they were plunged in silence, his head against her breast, her hands, stroking his hair and blowing gently on his forehead. 

 "I love you." He whispered, his voice hoarse.

"And I love you." She smiled and then winced slightly. "I have to tell you some things Spike. Please listen to me. I love you; I've loved you since you made my sketches fall on the floor that day before class. Never believe that you are not worthy. Your vampire days are in your past. You need to believe that you are in the light, Spike, if you want our baby to believe it too. Look after her, make sure she remembers me." She put her fingers over his lips as he started to protest that their child would remember her mother every single day. 

"When I found out this would happen, I wrote her some letters. One for each birthday and one for graduation. There are 20 here.  Please give them to her, read them to her, one each year. Let her read them in private when she learns to read and understand. And most of all, Spike, Promise me you will move forward. Forget the demon that did this, it will put poison in your heart and hold you back. Don't hold yourself in the times of just you and me, live and be happy."

"I can't do this without you, Sara."

"Yes, you can. Remember that you are not a monster. I know I will see you again because I know you will come to heaven. I love you."

He kissed her, one last time and she cradled him again, while he cried for her, for the pain. After a little while, he became aware that the heartbeat he had considered his own was no longer there. 

He lay there for many hours after that. Clinging to the lifeless body beneath him. Crying, talking, pleading in the vain hope she would come back. When Elizabeth woke, and cried, he went to her. When he held her to his heart that day, he found a new heartbeat to live for. 

**_--Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything  
I thought I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that  
I tried to hold on to--_**

~~*~***~*~**~~~~~~*~*~*~*~*~**

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~**~~**~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~~**~~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
TBC

Please review!!!!!! This was a really hard one to write and it took a lot! I'd really appreciate feeback.


	6. Liz

**Disclaimer: nada esta mine except Sara!**

**Lots of notes, so you can skim down this bit straight to fic after the: – General things to say  -   
This is a short one, and until nxt weekend they will all probably be quite short, but hopefully one a day! I do have a lot of assignments and stuff, but this week is looking to be lighter than usual (I hope!)  
The reviews really do make my day and convince me to keep writing – A review a day keeps the writers block away!!! Thank you to everyone who reviews – you are absolute gems:**

**~~~**

**Kirsten and J : Thank you!! **

**T_geyer: You are a great reviewer – worse things? I don't think the reunion will be what you expect, I'm a bit iffy on it myself, but we'll see hoe it goes!! Aww, Spike will be ok! I love him!!!! **

**_James Marsters seemed like a lovely guy when I MET HIM!!! _He he, it was at an awards ceremony in June, in Blackpool – SFX. I have a picture with him, and its signed!! He was very nice, and his ARMS WERE ROUND ME!!! OH LORD!! I felt like such a dope though, I went totally blank, he whispered, reallllyyy sweetly 'I'm sorry you had to wait so long' (and believe me, we really DID have to wait an age!) and I, like the FREAK that I am, said 'Its ok.'. Can you believe it? Sooo many alternatives and I turn to GOO!! On top of that, when I got to ask him a question – I am ashamed – thoroughly ashamed to say I turned into an abominable flirt! I couldn't stop myself! My voice went all funny and I was just plain 'SHAG ME'. It was SO humiliating!! I hope I have as good a time next year!!!**

**LexiaReinL Thank you! I was very whoomped after that last chapter – that's why this one is quite short!**

**Lyn: Thank you SO SO SO SO SO much! Your e-mails are so nice, I love them! Your comments are so uplifting!**

**Slyffindor Protegy: No, I'm not quite done yet! Quite a bit more planned! **

**Kay: Thank you! S/B reunion will come, but how will it turn out?**

**RANDY: Here ya go! Thank you so much for reviewing!  
MiamiSlayer: LOL! I LOVED THE SNORT!! Thank you so so much, that really made me tingly!  
msu: lol, Buffy is still in the fic, the reunion will be soon-ish.  
Darryl J – That was such a lovely review. And such a compliment. I didn't want to take anything away from Sara, Spike does love her, and she is Elizabeth's mum. I'm glad you liked her as a character!!!**

**Ao Tianrong: Wow, that is a very nice thing to say! I'm glad you like Sara and thank you for the review!**

**Nokia: me too! Spike needs love. Thank you for the review, I was worried they didn't all fit in character.**

**P: I love it!! I saw it like 3 years ago and never again, a lot of this is just lil ol me! I don't remember the rain scene in detail – is it the reunion? E-mail me in private about it – don't review – it'll spoil it 4 every1 else! I might not use it, but ya never know!  
ReB: lol, ruthless when it comes to Apike love.   
Tiff: Sorry! Buffy lost a  lost of spirit when she came back, she is very easily defeated – not a fighter like before. I hope you like it more if you read on!  
  
**

_FIC STARTS NOW!!_

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_Song in this episode is ' _

_Lyrics are between these lines: ----   _

_~~~~~_

**--I turned left - but you turned right  
only one way roads on this stretch of life  
we can't back up or turn back time  
you're out of sight - not out of mind  
but you made a choice - wave goodbye  
I'm not turning back…--**

Eight years passed. Sara would have been thirty-two. Time, as it has a habit of doing, healed his pain. He thought about her, every day in fact – but it no longer hurt him to remember. He had told Elizabeth everything about her mother, Sara's drawings hung in all corners of the house, her pictures filled many frames – a stranger would not have known that the glowing woman that seemed like such a presence – was in reality, passed on long ago. 

Liz was a very bright girl; she took after her mother (and her father as Spike tried to convey – in vain). Her eyes were Sara's, but her mischievous spirit was Spike's and his alone. The passion within the father seemed to almost double in his child and it could not be said that their home was ever boring. 

Buffy was forgotten, it pained him to think she too, had left the earth, but how many slayers lived to thirty-two? Willow had tried to soothe his fears by reminding him that since a new slayer had been called at Faith's death, Buffy may have been able to retire almost four years ago. Many had said that friendships fade away, but Spike had been so sure they had more than a friendship – that they were closer than that. 

But perhaps he had been wrong. She had left after all, and never contacted him. He had wondered about curses or spells that would drive her away, angry and indignant at the thought that someone would try to separate them – but that bittersweet hope was thrown to the wind over time and Spike slowly forgot what shade of blonde her hair was and how exactly her nose wrinkled in distaste. 

Liz was his everything, what else did he have to live for? They were adorable close, almost eerily in sync and undoubtedly loved each other. Liz knew everything about him, when he was born, his family, his turning date, his vampire family – everything. Spike was slowly trying to introduce the idea that he regretted his evil vampire days   
  


She called Angel grand-sire, which made him at first, irritated but at the identical looks of glee and suppressed laughter on William and Liz's faces – he relented.  

Haile and Poppy, Anya and Xander's children, had grown, Haile a bubbling 10 year old and Poppy a passionate 5-year old. It was quite worrying how they had both taken after Anya. Haile was blunt and cheery while 'Mr and Mrs Harris' had been called in multiple times because of Poppy's little acts of vengeance on the other kids. Anya, needless to say, was very proud. 

~~****~******~~~~~***~~~~~~****~~~~***~~~~~~~~

"Happy Birthday to you, even if you 'smell-like-poo', Happy birthday you little freak, Happy birthday to you."

Liz stuck her tongue out at her Dad and blew out the candles on the cake. 

"YAY!!"

"Happy birthday sweetie!" Willow hugged the bouncy little girl in front of her. Liz's hair was short and black, her skin a beautiful brown and her eyes a merge of green brown and blue. They were her most prominent asset, luring and piercing, like her father and mother's eyes had been. She had a strong chin for a little girl of eight and a quick mind that made her 'the smartest bloody bit in the world'. 

She was glad for Willow's books, Angel and Cordelia's writing set with a 'Liz' signature stamp, Anya and Xander's computer game, Haile's gross but nicely intended make-up set, Dad's drawing pencils and canvas – but what she really wanted….

"Here's your letter baby."

"Oohhh!! Merci beaucoup Papa!!"

Spike smiled and handed Liz the white envelope with 'Age Eight' in Sara's rusty handwriting. After a quick hug, Liz raced upstairs and settled herself for the letter.

**--I think about you everyday--**

_~Dear Elizabeth, _

_I wonder what you will look like, your features will be nicely set I know. How is your father? I know you two will look after each other. I love you very much already and you are not even here yet. It us strange to think that the beautiful feeling inside of me will now have been shared with the world for eight years. Happy Birthday my princess, and all my love to you. _

_Now that you are older, I have no doubt you know all the stories that I could have told you, and I'm sure your father has a few of his own. I know him well, and he will not have told you about the other Elizabeth in his life. _

_I am telling you about her because your father is alone now. I know him. He will fill his time with your laugh and pine away waiting for it to return if you are not there. I love your father very much, Elizabeth, and I fear that he will be alone and sad when you leave him later in life. _

_The other Elizabeth, Buffy, loves him very much and I believe he could love her back. They have not spoken for a long time, and I wanted to tell you about her. Perhaps, you could find a way of making them meet again. _

And Sara told her everything. The little things that Spike would never have noticed. The way Buffy looked at him a few seconds longer than usual, the way she started wearing her hair differently, the way she would look on sadly when he left her, the way he made her smile and took it away just as easily. 

The letter was long, detailed, and included everything that Sara's experience had allowed her to see.

~_So you see, my love, she loved him very much. I have no doubt she still does, but to her, he was a lost cause. It broke my heart to see her leave and it hurt me more to see the years go by and Spike still searching for her. Slowly he gave up, and to this day, I doubt he knows the truth. _

_I do not feel sad thinking of him with her. I know he loves me and I love him, but I also know that though I told him not to live in the past, he has a tendency to do so._

_Your grandfather, my father, knows where Buffy is. I am quite sure of it. If not, he knows how to find out. She may have moved on, but I feel that with time her stealthy efforts will have weakened. _

_Find her, meet her, and see how she is doing. And try, try my darling to make her see your father. Nothing will ever replace me, but love is never a bad thing. _

_Try and get your father to talk about her, I don't quite know how you will do it without rising suspicion but it will allow you the chance to ascertain his feelings. He is a proud man, and Buffy hurt him very much. He will not have looked for her long after you were born, in the vain hope that he would forget. _

_But we both know, that passionate souls cannot forget._

_My heart is with you, and all the best._

_Until next year,_

_Your mother, Sara.~_

**--****I turned left - but you turned right  
only one way roads on this stretch of life  
we can't back up or turn back time  
you're out of sight - not out of mind  
but you made a choice - wave goodbye  
I'm not turning back….--**

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~**~~**~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~~**~~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
TBC

Please review!!!!!! I really really really really appreciate it and it makes me feel more confident and energetic!!!


	7. Carrot Juice and Nicknames

**Disclaimer: nada esta mine except Sara!**

**Notes, so you can skim down this bit straight to fic after the: – General things to say  -   
This is a short one again. I know. My holiday starts on Friday so loads of updates on everything then! Even my site! Really sorry! Please review and I might feel the urge to finish off the next chapter (which I have started) and post it up tomorrow!! Lol, if that doesn't get you – take pity on me!!:**

**_________________________**

**I wrote out my thank-you's to everyone on a piece of paper which I just discovered is LOST!! Blagh! Sorry!!!**

**THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!!! **

**If anyone had a question or something feel free to mail me at: maz_mufti@hotmail.com**

**Thank you all!!!**

**~~~**

_FIC STARTS NOW!!_

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_Lyrics are between these lines: ----   _

_~~~~~_

Liz read and re-read the letter. She wasn't sure how it made her feel. It was always her and her dad. Another Liz for him to look after? No... a Buffy. 

Buffy. Sounded weird. 

But her mother had said it was the right thing to do. Liz began to realise that her mother was right.

*Dad never does anything except work and hang out with me. When I'm at my friend's house – he calls Willow, grandsire, granddad or draws. I don't want him to feel lonely*

Another person? Liz, Daddy and Buffy. Did it fit?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*

A week or so went by, Liz read the letter again and started noticing her dad more. Even though her mother was gone, Sara was correct about Spike. He lived for nothing except Liz. He didn't have a hobby, he didn't read or have a favourite TV show or try new things unless he was sharing it with Liz. The thought hurt her heart and she decided, if this Buffy person was good enough, she would be very good for her daddy.

It was when she made this decision that she begun her plan.

"DDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYY!"

Spike smiled as his daughter flung herself into his arms and hugged him tightly.

He couldn't believe how she had grown from that frail bundle in his arms to this – an energetic, vibrant girl who was full of life enough for the both of them. 

After Sara's death, Spain was no longer bearable. The culture, the places, the smell, and the art – everything seemed to remind him of her, and though he wanted Liz to experience her Spanish heritage, he had to move. His transfer took him to France on the outskirts of Paris where he ran a large and very successful art gallery in memory of Joyce. He was an avid member of the European art auctions and his life was bustling enough to overshadow his inner solitude. Watching Liz grow, everyday was a new adventure. The not-so-much-a-vampire-anymore-vampire found that fatherhood was an indescribable experience and one that, he felt, required all his time.

"How was your day, Liz?"

"It was GREAT!" Liz plopped down on the kitchen chair and watched as Spike moved from cabinet to cabinet preparing her snack.

"Mes amis me do-"

"Anglais s'il te plait. - English, you know I want you to practice that at home, I'm not satisfied with the way they teach it."

Liz rolled her eyes, French was so natural for her, but she felt comfortable in English, her Dad had made sure that she understood and could speak both and her grand-dad was helping her with her Spanish.

"My friends gave me a new nickname today! I am no longer Liz! Liz is in the past!"

Spike grinned and smeared the peanut butter over the bread.   
"What's this new monstrosity of a name then?"

"DAD! Your nickname is SPIKE!"

"No one calls me that anymore, they stopped calling me that a long time ago. My name is William and continues to be William. That is what everyone calls me. Your mother called me that, your grandsire calls me that-"

"Grand-sire calls you a 'bloody nuisance' dad."

"I don't want that bloody language in this house!"

Liz stuck her tongue out at her dad and he grinned, putting the plate in front of her.

"Water or apple juice?"

"Actually, I want some carrot juice."

Liz watched the emotions flicker across her father's face. He seemed almost to tense up and a barely perceptible shiver flew down his spine. Sara had mentioned in the letter that Buffy insisted on drinking carrot juice made only from Spike's hand.

"Where'd you hear about that then, ey?"

"Arielle had some for lunch and I really liked it. Do you know how to make it?"

"Yeah, I do, pet."

Spike smiled and pushed back the unwanted memory that had surged forward after years in the dusty recesses of his mind.

 Liz smiled and waited patiently as her juice was made. It tasted disgusting but she drank it down for the greater good at stake.

"So what's this new name then?"

"Buffy." Liz replied nonchalantly taking another bittersweet sip of orange muck.

The reaction was worth it. Her dad's whole body was immediately wired up, he practically shot out of the kitchen chair and, upon realising his reaction, proceeded to stomp over to the fridge an open it for the purpose of appearing in control.

"Where'd you get that from them, love?"

"My friends and I were just mixing up letters from our names and adding in new ones and we decided Buffy was a good enough name for me. So that's my name now, Buffy."

"I knew a Buffy once." Spike said, almost in a daze. 

"REALLY!!" Liz bounced over to the fridge and slammed it shut, peering into his turbulent eyes with her own mature eyes.

"Yes." Spike answered, quite shocked at how suddenly Buffy had been remembered, how brutally… how comfortingly.

"Was she nice? Was she your friend? Was she pretty? Was she like me?"

Spike smiled fondly, looking upwards as if almost seeing her in a memory.

"She was very nice and strong, a very close friend of mine. Of course she was pretty, I only hung out with pretty girls and yeah, pet, she was a bit like you."

Liz, if she had been dubious before, was absolutely certain that her Daddy could love this Buffy person. The way his eyes lit up was indication enough, but even then, the tear that was quickly brushed off and replaced with offers of 'something else to eat' seemed to speak for itself.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~**~~**~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~~**~~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
TBC

Please review!!!!!! What can I say – it fills me with GLEE!!!


	8. Telephones

**Disclaimer: nada esta mine except Sara!**

**Notes, so you can skim down this bit straight to fic after the: – General things to say  -   
This is a short one again. I know!! Friday is TOMORROW!!! Holidays!!! Fictions!!! Yay!!! Lol. This one has Buffy!!! Yay!!!! Am v.v.v.worried this has turned out tacky!! I am unhappy with how it has tuned out so please review and I might actually end up re-writing it! Please!! Major need of opinions!!!!:**

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**  
IT IS ONE AM. FORGIVE ANY RAMBLE OR MISTAKES.**

**aliasfan007 : yes, but what will happen at the reunion?**

**Elfgirl: aww!! Thank you!! I love the airport scene!! Only time I really liked Angel! Thank you it was a lovely review!!!**

**Ms.Orange21: Liz IS Spike's kid!! Glad u don't h8 Sara!!  
*ramble**drool**sleep**ramble***

**Dustyvamp: Thanks!! The reunion? Well….**

**Kirsten: Thanks! Ur so loyal!! **

**J: LOL!! Am trying!! Lol!! Eat? Ur right – totally useless!! He he lovely sweet joy-filling review!**

**Slayerkid: glad u like Liz – I was initially worried you might not like her (you as in YOU ALL) Buffy is HERE!! Reunion well….. *ramble***

**  
Thank you all!!! You all make me glow!!!!!**

**~~~**

_FIC STARTS NOW!!_

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_Lyrics are between these lines: ----   _

_~~~~~_

"OH MY GAWD!!!!!" 

Buffy smiled as Dawn gaped over yet another ring in the showcase.

"I think I have her approval." 

Buffy smiled warmly at the man speaking, relishing the loving look he was directing at both Dawn and herself.

"She's been like this for an hour. I just wanted to come in, get a damn ring and go back out again."

"Not everyone's as organised as you, baby."

Brian moved to put his arms round Buffy and she rested her head against his shoulder.

"I love you."

And Buffy said it. It had taken a long, long time for her to be able to say and mean it, but now she did. She loved Spike, still. In fact, she always would. Just as she would always love Angel. But…she pushed back the annoying part of her mind that told her that while she was over Angel, she would never be over Spike. He was more. 

*Emphasis on WAS* Buffy told herself.

Over the years, especially after she retired from slaying at Faith's death, Buffy had trained herself to forget the bleached blond menace that tormented her actions. It was only recently that she had begun to think about him again. Then again, it was only recently that she had become engaged. 

She had met Brian on a night out with some friends. It was so normal. That was what still shocked her. They met in a bar. While both out with mutual friends. It was normal; it was a story you could tell your kids. It was white picket fence. 

Ash brown hair and green eyes, Brian was striking to say the least. He had an aura of the calm within the storm. Life was good with him. It was perfect.

"How's Amy?" he mumbled.

"She's doing much better. That tuition after school has sorted her out. I'm really glad, her mum was worried about loosing the scholarship."

"You're a great teacher – she had nothing to worry about."

The thought, the fact to some people, made Buffy smile. She was a great teacher and she loved the kids. At first, in the time where Spike was still, well, 'Just. There.' she had taken on multitudes of classes, burying herself in work. Slowly, over time, it had become easier to live – there were days were she wouldn't ache for him. Where she forgot what shade of blonde his hair was.

Now, she taught a few year groups, mainly elementary, some senior ones thrown in for mix. At thirty-two, life was looking up. 

Giles, an old man now, was fully retired. Sometimes he wrote journals and lectured watchers-to-be, but for the most part, he read and slept and did all the things that old men tend to do. Dawn, now in her twenties, was in the middle of a medical career, bustling and busy with a passion for helping people. They were heavily integrated into their lives and Buffy felt complete after a long time of feeling halved. 

"I think this ring is perfect!" Dawn finally pointed out a simple solitaire and Buffy sighed in relief, practically praising the lord with joy.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~~**~~*~*~*~*~*

"This is the number for Rupert Giles. He was-"

"Her watcher, I know."

"Of course. Well, do you want me to talk to him, or will you?"

"I will."

Peter's hands shook and he dialled the number and passed the handset to Liz.

"Hello, Edgewood House."

"Hello, may I please speak to Mr Giles."

"Speaking."

"Hello."

"I'm sorry, who is this."

"My name is Elizabeth, Liz. I'm er – Spike's daughter."

"Sp-Spike? The uh…"

"Yes, Spike or William. My mum's name is Sara."

"I see."

"I'm sorry if this is a shock to you, but I would very much like to meet Buffy Summers."

"Has Sp- your father asked you to call?"

"No. He doesn't know where you are. My granddad gave me this number."

"I see. I'm not quite sure what to say."

"My mother, Sara, died when I was born. She wrote me letters, to let me know her. She mentioned Buffy and how she loved my dad and I think that he could love her back now. He is lonely, you see, Mr Giles."

Her innocence radiated through, a determination that her father had the ability for, but unlike him, her innocent determination was not 'cynicised'. 

"Elizabeth-"

"Liz."

"Liz, things are quite a lot more complicated than you imagine."

"I don't want Buffy Summers to know about this either. Please Mr Giles, tell me how I can get to know her a little before I try and get my dad to find her."

"I'm not quite sure at all what to do."

Peter, unable to restrain himself much longer, took the receiver from Liz and spoke.

"Mr Giles? My name is Peter Restrepo. Sara was my daughter as I'm sure you see Buffy as yours. This was her last wish for the man she loved very much. Please help Liz to carry this through. At least give us a contact number, we can make up a story, we just wanted to try at least. For Sara."

Giles sighed, his thoughts a jumble of contradictions. It was nearly 10 years now. Things change. Vampires change? But inside, the ex-watcher knew Spike would not change – especially not with a child to care for. A child – that was a mystery to be later discovered.

"She is a teacher at Midbrook Elementary. You can call her there in an hour or so."

Giles found and gave the number, unsure of whether to mention Brian or anything else, all of the changes and so, so many questions.

"I'm sure you have as many questions as I, Mr Giles. I would love to talk to you more if you would like?"

"I think that would be a good idea Dean Restrepo."

"Peter, please."

"Rupert, likewise."

The conversation was over. A bridge of 10 years beginning to heal.

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TBC

Please review!!!!!! Am tres insecure bout this one!!! Am not likin' it @ da mo!!!


	9. Peter

**Notes, so you can skim down this bit straight to fic after the: – General things to say  -   
This one is long, but no major developments really. More like a filling in of gaps, answering a few questions, setting the scene, getting ready for whats to come….**

**PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!! And an extra thank you to all those that did for the last chapter coz I was v.v.v.worried bout it and u made me feel good! You are all so great to keep reading!!!  
I'm on my week off so am feeling v.v.v.good!! Thanks!!!!**

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**  
Garp: Tank tu!! I want the DUD!! (ok I wrote that down for you, but I really don't gettit now!)  
LexiaRein: Wow!! I can knight you now!! He he!**

**Undefined: Wow! That's a lovely review!! Thank you!! And wow!! I'm on ur fav list! That's soooo cool!! WOW!  
Kayla: Aww, that's such a lovely review. Thing with me is, I can't take a break and come back to things. I loose my roll! I think that was just a finicky chapter, I feel less worried about this one, a bit worried about possibly overload of cheese or melodrama, but I think the reasons are justified so I dunno! Thank you so much for the review it was lovely!  
msu: WOW! That was SO LOVELY of you to say!!!!! Liz is a smart gal! Glad u like her!  
Cassiel: Yeah, you read my mind, Brian was a definite from the beginning. He's quite hard to write – Sara was easier, I hope it doesn't show through too much!! I think you are on my wavelength – the ending however is unknown to allllll… I may not go as KKHH! I am considering alternatives…  
Darryl J: AWW!! You are such a gem! Glad you liked it!! This one is a long one, I actually added more after your review!!! THANNK YYYYOUUUUU!!!!!!  
WhisperedFire: Thank you!!!   
Slyffindor Protegy: You're so lovely to keep reading! I remember you!! Thank you!!!**

**Laura aka Elfgirl: WOW! Awwww, thank you so much! I love it! They're gorgeous! I'm definitely going to find an opportunity to use them! That's so sweet!! You made me all fluttery and I was all giddy and I told loads of ppl how sweet and wonderful elfgirl is and now a lot of people think I am weird but that's ok!!!!**

**~~~**

_FIC STARTS NOW!!_

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_Lyrics are between these lines: ----   _

_'The Lover After Me' by Savage Garden_

_~~~~~_

  
  
"Alanna, I need your form by next Friday or you can't come."

"I promise I'll have it tomorrow Ms Summers!"

"Buffy?"

Buffy turned away from the class and smiled at the receptionist. "Yes, Marge?"

"Phone call for you."

"Oh, right." Buffy smiled and walked toward the office, hoping to hear Brian's voice at the other end of the line.

"Hello."

"Hello, Buffy Summers?"

"Yes?"

"My name is William Vinnier."

"I'm sorry, I don't believe we've met."

"I'm interested in sending my daughter Liz to the school an I heard you were the one to talk to."

"Oh, hello. How old is Liz?"

"Eight years old, I think that would be your grade three."

"Yes, I teach that year at the moment. Well, we are just finishing the year right now. We are still receiving admission information for some of the kids for next year, so you are just in time. There are two classes of thirteen each, and I teach one of them. The other grade three teacher is Mrs Forthright, she and I both came to the school in the same year and we've been here for nearly 9 years now."

"It is good to know that the teachers are experienced. Is there a way in which Liz could have a sort of 'trainee' day, just to see if she likes the school?"

"Actually, we have a summer camp coming up in two weeks. It's called 'Camp Horwood' and it lasts for 5 weeks and it provides an opportunity for the kids to feel a little more independent, get to know the teachers, their classmates and some of the subject material for the next term. It is not actually at the school, we go up to a lovely part of the countryside where the camp has been built, there are cabins and a beautiful lake and activities are always in abundant quantities."

"That sounds perfect, I think Liz would really like that."

"That's great, and we do need some parents around to help us out so if you feel that you would prefer to come with her, that's fine, there are places for the teachers and parents at the camp too. But it is a very safe location, there will be a member of staff and a parent per seven children."

"That sounds great, where can I sign us up and get some more information?"

"I can send you an information pack if you would like?"

"That would be great."

"Alright, let me just grab a pen."

Peter took the seconds that Buffy found a pen to breathe. It was nice to speak to her again, but she also reminded him of the times when his daughter was the most vibrant in her life.   
  
*Push it away Peter, this is what Sara wants and what Spike deserves. You're an old fool and far too weak*

"Hello?"

"Yes, Ms Summers?"

"Can I take your address?"

"Of course. 6719 rue Capprai, Manté, Paris, France."

"Wow, France!"

"Yes, it is a beautiful place, it will be sad to leave it."

"I can imagine, but sometimes a new start can prove to be a wonderful change."

"I hope that will be the case."

"Me too. Ok, well, I'll get our info package in the mail to you and I hope to meet you and Liz at Camp Horwood."

"Thank you and I'm sure we will see you, Goodbye."

"Goodbye."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Liz…"

"Abuelo, Vamos a ir para conocer Buffy."

"Muchacha, no podemos ir sin hablar con tu padre."

"Abueeeloooooooooooooooo. Tenemos que ir!!!"

  
"No sé."

  
Peter sighed. Liz wanted to go to the camp and meet Buffy…. without Spike.

"Granddad, what if she's changed into someone really awful and I hate her? I just want to get to know her before we let Dad see her again."

"He'll be worried to death if we just leave, Liz."

"We can leave him a note telling him we are safe and I'll call him and you'll be with me!! Pleeeeaaaassssseeeeeeeeeee."

"Liz, let me think about it. We have two weeks."

Liz sulked and slouched to her room.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Bonjour Papa!"

"Anglais."

"Hey Dad."

"That's better. Hey princess."

William picked her up and carried her into their plush sitting room.

"Dad, I'm too old for you to carry."

"No your not." he argued adamantly.

Liz giggled as he dumped her on the amply cushioned settee. With a decidedly 'Spike' glint in his eye, he proceeded to tickle her senseless.   
  
"DDDDDDDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

William giggled as they settled themselves in a comfortable heap.   
  
"Where's your granddad?"

"He's taking a nap. I think me and Haile wore him out."

"I'm sure you did, Did Anya pick her up?"

"No, it was Uncle Xander."

"Ok, well that's good. Your granddad will need his energy for tonight."

"Why?"

"Angel and Cordelia are flying in for a night and they'll be staying here."  
  


"GRANDSIRE!!!"

William grinned. "Yeah, he's got some demon business to take care of in Italy and he decided it could wait a night so he could visit his favourite little girl in the world."

"I wonder what he's got me."

Spike grinned. Liz was truly a girl after his own heart. Angel always bought her the best gifts when he visited and Cordelia, the best clothes.

"Isn't Auntie Willow coming next week?"

"No, her trip was extended, she's not sure when she'll next be in France."

"Oh." Liz was disappointed she wouldn't be able to see her favourite auntie before leaving for the camp. Though, she loved her aunt Cordelia (Cordy refused to have a grand-anything in front of her name), she saw Willow more often and anyway, Willow was much better with kids.

"Hey, its ok. She'll probably only be another week or two."

Liz grinned and kissed her dad on the cheek. "Ok. I'm gonna go finish my holiday work before grandsire and aunt Cordelia arrive."

"Need any help?"

"Its ok, its English."

"Alright then." Spike smiled with pride as she leaped off his lap and into her bedroom. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"I'm not sure I can pick you up from the camp, honey."

Buffy turned from the kitchen counter and frowned at Brian. "Why?"

"Mr Mitchell just told me I need to be at the seminar in Edinburgh that whole week."

"Brian…." Buffy pouted and slid into a smile. "It's ok. Five weeks isn't that long."

"Oh baby you have NO idea."

She smirked and tried to resist his nibbling, but alas, she was powerless. 

Not that she minded.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~

"Where's my grand-childe?"

Spike grinned as Angel pulled back from their hug and walked into the hall. Spike smiled and said, "Finishing off her school work, poof."  
  
"Well, work can wait. Its holidays anyway." Cordelia smiled and hugged Spike. "How are you doing?"

"I'm good thanks, step-mum."

"You know that disturbs me."

"You know that's why I do it."

She shook her head in defeat and joined Angel. 

"LIZ! PETER!" Spike called as he closed the door.

"Peter's here too?"

"Yeah, he's visiting."

"Where are Xander and Anya?"

"Busy, like we all are. But they're good. I left them messages saying you were coming, so they might show up later."

"That's good, I wanted to catch up with Anya." Cordelia smiled. "She's the only other not power-hungry half-demon I know. Everyone else is obsessed with becoming human or full demon. I say, best of both." 

"Come on in." Spike said grinning after his chuckling agreement.

They walked into the sitting room and started to settle themselves when Liz raced into the room. Catching sight of Angel, she screeched and catapulted into his outstretched arms and kissed his grinning face.

"GRAND SIREEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"

They hugged tightly and William smiled at the sight. Peter walked in and Angel turned to speak to him, Liz still clinging to his body like a monkey.

"Peter, hello. It's good to see you again."

"Angel." They shook hands and Peter settled himself in one of the armchairs.

"Aunt CORDELIA!!" 

"Hello sweetie!" 

Hugs and presents and talking and question filled the time. It was a warm, content haze that surrounded them all and Angel and Cordelia's gift of a karaoke set was put to good use. When Anya, Xander, Haile and Poppy arrived, and more presents dispersed, the tempo was cranked up several notches and no one could have guessed that there were two vampires, two half-demons, two humans and three uber-hyper kids (that their parents would swear were not of the human race), in the room instead of a crowd of thirty or so.  The large and rich dinner had to be ordered out on this occasion and they finally decided on Mexican. 

"How are things, Will?" Angel took the moment alone with his childe to ask him.

"As they go, Sire. Liz is getting so smart and quick; she does something new and different everyday. Keeps me on my toes, that one." 

"I'm glad." Angel hesitated and then stopped himself from continuing. It wasn't obvious, but an unusual aura had been growing round his childe for a very long time. It wasn't boredom, no, Spike's life was too full for that, it wasn't exactly apathy…Angel smiled and sighed…his Will loved Liz too much and clang to Sara's memory too much for that. It was an aloof, waiting about him. 

A searching for… a reason other than Liz- to exist. 

The energy, buzz… the cocky insanity that used to BE Spike…was gone. A crazy, hyper, living, passionate creature had become a shell of himself. And it hurt Angel more than he let on. He could feel it. In the blood, in the bond between them. 

Spike sensed Angel's internal debate and practically sighed in relief when his Sire chose to stay silent. The no-longer-platinum-blond-more-like-mouse-brown-hair-coloured vampire wasn't stupid, he could sense Angel's worry in the blood bond between them…but he chose to ignore it. Sara had told him not to cling to the past but he didn't see how he could cling to a future that didn't hold anything for him except Liz's eventual departure for college or work or a love of her own. No, he was fine as he was. Alone. But…fine.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~

How could one being have that much power? They were left stunned. He had gone against the three most mighty, sly and undefeated opponents they had faced and tamed them within seconds. 

'Uncle Angel'/ 'grand-sire' was always a hit with Liz, Poppy and Haile. Will, Xander and Anya were always left in wonder when he could easily and effortlessly persuade the three to go to bed on a non-school-night at a decent hour. How? They had enough trouble when there WAS an excuse for early bedtime. 

When Angel returned to the garden, he grinned at the three jealous parents that were eying him. 

"They say goodnight."

Even Anya couldn't reply.

Peter smiled and sighed at the same time, adoring the picture before him, and hurting for the ever-absent presence of the beauty that had been Sara. Unbeknownst to even himself, silent tears streamed down his face and a palpable aching squeezed his heart. 

"Peter?"

The old man looked up, into the painfully similar eyes of his son-in-law.

"Come on, I'll take you to your room."

Peter could only nod and lean against Spike until he could fall into the least yearning slumber that he could hope for. William watched him for a few moments, calming his own memories, before he went back to the garden. The silence was uncomfortable and the haze had dispersed, leaving the stark truth glaring into his eyes. 

Xander smiled and nodded as a supportive gesture and Spike smiled back, sitting in the garden chair. Anya clung to her husband's chest, thanking whatever she could think of that he was with her and that she had the joy of watching her children grow. Angel, still torn, could do nothing except stare at the sky and feel Cordelia's hand in his own.

They remained like that for a few minutes, a strong sense of dêja-vu returning to them all. How many times had they sat like this? Drifting in uncertainty, for no one knew what to do or what to say. On top of that, they all carried Buffy's secret with them -adding a heavy, drooping guilt to their souls. Though Xander and Anya had confronted her a few years ago, resulting in a painful and accusing argument and a break off in contact, they still felt guilty, angry at Buffy and heartbroken for Spike. All hostility towards Spike had disappeared long long ago, long before even Buffy had left. When any of them hurt, the others did too. 

Cordelia refused to speak to Buffy. Angel called her every now and again, but he too felt unsure of how to talk to her anymore, and their calls were short, haling and rare. More often than not it had been for demon-related reasons and since Buffy had ceased to be a slayer, the conversations had basically ended.

Willow, alone continued to talk to the ex-slayer on a regular basis. They had met as well, when Willow was in England, once or twice a year at most, but still, enough that they knew about each other's lives. Their friendship was not as strong as it used to be and Willow could mention little about her own life, as Buffy did not want anything remotely related to Spike mentioned. She had no idea about Sara's death, Liz's birth, their location…. nothing. 

Buffy had achieved half of what she had wanted. 

Spike was a stranger. 

But she had not forgotten him.   
  


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~**~*~**~*~*~**~*~*~

**_  
--And time goes by so slowly   
The nights are cold and lonely   
I shouldn't be holding on   
But I'm still holding on for you--  
  
_**

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~**~~**~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~~**~~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
TBC

A review a day keeps my writers block away…and makes me very happy…


	10. Rupert Giles

**Disclaimer: nada esta mine except Sara!**

**Notes, so you can skim down this bit straight to fic after the: – General things to say  -   
Hey! A long one!! I am enjoying these holidays an IMMENSE amount!!!! Thank you all!!!! **

**Also, check out my cool new diary story. Not a Buffy thing, but still quite fun! In its new stages:**

**http://www.savana_marsh.blogspot.com  
  
Also for those of you who like the way Angel/Spike are portrayed here in a non-slash, father/son relationship, my other fiction, Childer-en, is essentially an A/S fic. **

**I'm not advertising, just…erm….*thesaurus*…**

** _________________________**

**aliasfan007: sorry you'll have to wait! Keep reviewing for faster writing!!  
Ao tian rong: aww, tanx!!! I'm gald u thort Sara was nice!!!  
falcon- rider: Tanx tu!!  
msu: sorrryyy!! Things WILL start happening (he he that was a pun). I love S/A as father and son – the note above is directed to you!!!**

**Kay and svrcreator00 – Thank you both!!**

**Erm, I have randomly (seemingly anyway) written down this also: 'king, cmon, high speed' **

**If that seems to be directed at you, please e-mail me and explain why I am saying that!!!**

**THANK YOU FOR ALL REVIEWS. THEY LIGHT UP MY LIFE. (I have a feeling I lost some replies! Sorry!)**

**~~~**

_FIC STARTS NOW!!_

__

_Lyrics are between these lines: ----   _

_~~~~~_

"Granddad!" Liz fidgeted nervously with her hat whilst watching Peter's figure as it double-checked that the door was locked.

In the end, Peter had decided that helping Liz to reunite Spike and Buffy could only cause happiness, not only that, but the group of friends that had supported not only Spike, but Peter himself, through Sara's death: Xander, Anya, Cordelia, Angel, Willow – they all deserved to see their friend again. 

And that was why, at one AM, Peter and Liz were making their way to the driveway.

"Come on then, the taxi is waiting for us."

Liz nodded and pulled her suitcase over to the taxi. The driver got out and put both Liz's and Peter's things in the boot. Once grandfather and granddaughter were settled, there were off on their way to the Euro Star, the train that would take them across The Channel to England. There, Mr Giles had arranged to meet them and instruct them on how to reach the camp. 

The drive was silent, both of them tired and lost in thoughts. It took an hour or so to reach the port, where they hazily made their way to a cabin in preparation of the five-hour crossing. Liz, who had never travelled to England, was too excited to sleep and once she had seen that her granddad was resting, made her way to the window to watch for signs of the coast.

~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*Rrrriiiinnnngggggggg*

William groggily opened bleary eyes in search of the THING that dared wake him.

*Rrrrriiiinnggggggg*

His hand flopped heavily to the edge of his bed and he lunged at the phone.

"Hello?"

"Childe?"

William groaned and settled himself for a conversation with his Sire. Yawning, he sat upright and blinked a couple of times.

"Sire. You do remember that I'm no longer in the same country as you. Hence the difference in time zones."

"True. But Cordelia wanted to talk to you."

  
Muffled sounds of the transfer of the phone indicated that Angel was passing it onto Cordelia.

"Hello, Spike?"

"Step-mum."

"I've got some free time during the day after I finish up some research of the area, so I wanted to go for a bit of a shopping spree."

"Hmm."

"Well, Angel and I need a painting for our sitting room, right above the fireplace."

"Hmm."

"Don't you have a branch here?"

"Yeah, its in the city."

"Could you gimme the address and sort out someone to help us out when we get there, I don't want your specially trained con-salesmen to sell me something for a lot more than its worth because I have absolutely no knowledge of the market and Mr Wallet doesn't know a thing either."

"I love that my Sire has been reduced to 'Mr Wallet', he has truly brought shame to the clan."

"Spiikkeeee."

"Alright, alright, I'll give the branch a call!"

"Thank you, Will."

"Yeah yeah yeah, sod off already, luv."

"Bye, Spike. Oh wait Angel wants to say something." 

The phone was then put under the muffled movements treatment and Angel came on the line. 

"Bye, Will."

"That was a whole lot of pointless with the phone swapping."

"I _am_ married to Cordelia."

Sounds of thumping ensued.

"I'll leave you to it, mate. Bye."

"Hey, ow…honey…oh, bye Spike…Cord-"

Spike shook his head at their antics and hung up the phone. After sifting through the multitude of papers in front of him, he finally found the number for the branch of his art gallery in Rome. After making arrangements for Cordelia, he decided to check on Liz.

Gently, opening her door, Spike felt pure panic encase his body. 

No heartbeat.

No heartbeat.

No-

A note.

Quickly scanning its contents Spike groaned and shook his head.

_~Hey Dad, _

_Don't panic!! Granddad and me have gone somewhere secret to sort out a surprise for you. We'll be gone for a while and we'll make sure to call you really often. Please don't worry. I'll call when I know you'll be awake. _

_Love you_

_Liz~_

~~~~~~~~~~********~~~~~~~~~********~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Can you see him!?"

"Hold on, Liz, I haven't seen him for a long long time, not since your parent's wedding!"

Peter scanned the crowd, keeping a tight grip on Liz's hand in his. Their things were waiting to be collected, but Mr Giles had to be found first.

"Peter?"

Peter and Liz turned around to be met with a searching face belonging to Rupert Giles. He was an old man now, also. Around the same age as Peter, Giles had aged gracefully, his face keeping its warmth and strength. His hair was whiter, but wrinkles had not taken over his face to a great extent.

"Rupert?"

"Yes. I'm glad I found you."

"It had been a long time."

"Yes, it has."

"Too long."

Giles nodded in agreement and they shared a moment of understanding, before Giles turned to look at Sara.

"My goodness." He whispered. Tears sprung to his eyes at the sight of the girl before him. Memories of the blond vampire that he had come to think of as a son of sorts, pointed accusing fingers at him. 

After the wedding, Giles had ceased to continue contact with Spike and Sara. Visits and phone calls would have been far too risky for Buffy's plan and a definite part of communication with Spike. On top of that, Giles had known that any time in Spike's company while he despaired over Buffy, would be agony too much for the ex-Watcher. The Englishman had found that as he had started growing older, he had become weaker emotionally, and he knew he could not have witnessed Spike's sadness. As well as all that, it had had to be Giles that assured Spike that Buffy was not in England; otherwise the vampire would have journeyed there also in a pathetic attempt at finding his best friend.

"You look like your father." His voice betrayed the strong longing that he had to see Spike again.  
  
"Thank you." She said simply, slightly shy in the new man's presence.

"Her characteristics are so similar to William's and Sara's. She is the best of both."

Giles nodded, and Peter, sensing that the other man needed a few minutes to gather himself, turned to Liz.   
  
"Come on then Liz, let's go get our things."

"I'll bring my car to the collection area, you will only need to carry your things a short way."

"Thank you, Rupert."

~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~**~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Liz slept in the back seat, the excitement and lack-of-sleep were too much for her young body to handle.

"Buffy left for the camp yesterday, staff have to be there a day early, so you can rest at Edgewood till you're ready to go."

"Thank you, Rupert. This means a lot to both of us."

Giles nodded and after a pause continued. "Peter, I never had a chance to properly say that I'm sorry you had to loose Sara the way you did."

"Thank you, Rupert. I'm sorry too."

"She was a very good person."

"She was." Peter took a breath between his teeth, and continued. "The world, Rupert, works in odd, unfathomable ways. William and Sara loved each other, they always will. I watched him struggle through loosing Buffy and then Sara. I watched as William lost his fire and detached himself from the world. He threw himself into his work, into Liz, into preserving Sara's memory…and not into himself. In an awful way, that is what I wanted, for no one to ever forget her, to pine for her as I will always pine. But there is a difference between a wife and a daughter. It was Sara's letter that made me realise that if Spike were to fall in love again, it would not take anything away from Sara or Liz. In fact, it seems to be what they both want…and what he needs. I have been selfish, Rupert, but now is the time to make things right."

"I have no doubt that both Buffy and Spike have changed dramatically. Their circumstances are so different, it has been a long time, Peter. I want you to know, if you ever need anything, I am here."

"Thank you."

They fell into a completive silence until Edgewood, Giles, Dawn and Buffy's house, drew into sight.

  
It was an old house, large and rich in colour and history. Trees and hedges hid it from view of the main road, leaving it in almost a world of its own. A plain gravel driveway led through the greenery to the house.

"It is a lovely home, Rupert."

"Thank you, we love it dearly."

"Abuelo (grandfather in Spanish)…" Liz yawned and tried, unsuccessfully, to open her eyes.

"We're here, niña."

"Wow." 

Giles chuckled as Liz's eyes widened in surprise. She rushed out of the car and ran up to the front door. 

"Wow! It's like a house from a story book!"

"I'm glad you like it, Liz." Giles came forward, and opened the front door. 

Liz started to run in, to explore, and then remembering her manners, stopped abruptly and bit her lower lip.

"Feel free to run around, Liz. Mi casa es su casa."

While Liz darted upstairs, Peter and Giles went into the redwood sitting room. A comfortably used-looking fireplace was the main piece of the room, surrounded by several warm armchairs and a settee. Shelves of books lined one of the walls, a large window covered half another and a desk and chair filled the rest of the space. There was a heavily dented blanket in front of the fireplace, which Peter picked up on.

"You have a dog?"

Giles nodded, "Yes, two dogs, Sergio and Warner and one cat, Felia, who is unusually like Buffy, the ruler of the playground so to speak. Are you not fond of animals, I can put them outside if you like?"

"No no, not at all, just curiosity. Liz loves cats."

Giles nodded and upon offering tea, went into the kitchen, leaving Peter alone for a few moments. 

"You can call Spike if you like." Giles called from the kitchen.

"No, he'll trace the number, is there a payphone nearby?"

"Yes, there is one down the road."

"I'll go call him now, and take Liz to talk to him later."

Giles re-entered the sitting room with a frown, "Will she be comfortable here without you?" 

"I'm sure she will. You two should get to knew each other."

"I am sorry I have not been able to do so much earlier. I had grown to think of Spike as a son, please believe that. I meant no disrespect to Sara when I broke off contact, it was a foolish decision."

Peter nodded and left the room, leaving Giles in an armchair with some tea. 

A large chocolate Labrador entered the room and rested himself at Giles' feet. The ex-watcher sighed and bent down to stroke him. "Hello Warner."

Liz entered the room with a tabby cat in her arms and a large Mastiff at her side.

"I see you found Felia and Sergio." Giles commented.

"Who named him Sergio?"

"Dawn, she loves him. They are unbelievably close, Sergio even stopped taking meals when Dawn left for university, but he is used to me alone now."

Liz nodded and hesitantly sat in one of the large armchairs. Sergio walked over to the indented blanket by the fireplace and Felia settled herself in Liz's lap.

"It is quite strange to be here."

Giles nodded, asking her why. 

"I've never gone anywhere without my Dad."

"I've heard that you two are very close."

Liz shrugged and focussed on Felia instead of Giles.

"I'm all he has." She mumbled.

"Is that why you want him to meet Buffy, so he isn't alone anymore?"

"Yes. But also because then everyone can be friends again. I know that Dad thinks of you like he thinks of Grand-Sire-"

"Who?"

"His Sire, Angel."

"Oh, I see." Giles chuckled at her name for Angel before smiling at her to continue.

"And you haven't seen Uncle Xander or Aunt Anya or Haile or Poppy or Auntie Willow or Grandsire or Aunt Cordelia or Daddy for a long time."

"I miss them very much. When you live a life of fighting demons, knowing you could die any day and still going forward…. you get very close to those who are with you."

Giles let out a sigh and wiped a stray tear or two that had found their way into the world. "I know Buffy and Dawn miss them as well. I think you are right and very brave. It is often the untainted young that take the steps that us adults should take but don't have the passion for any longer."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Peter, bring my daughter home NOW."

"William, please stay calm. We are both safe."

"Where ARE YOU?"

"You don't need to know."

"This is ridiculous. She's my bloody daughter."

"And she's my grandchild, don't you think I can look after her?"

"Of course…that's not what I think... Peter, please."

"William, please trust me when I say this is something that needs to be done and done without your knowledge. Hopefully you will thank us later."

"Peter, I'll call the police."

"Don't waste government money on this when we are safe and well. We will call you as often as possible."

"Peter…"

"Goodbye, William."

Peter hung up the payphone and started on his way back to Edgewood House. The adventure had started.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~**~~**~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~~**~~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  


TBC

Don't be a poo,

Please review,

And make me go OOOOOH!

(I'm that desperate for reviews.)

(Cmon)

(I need it.)

(Please)


	11. Camp

_Notes:_

**Long one!!! Sorry for the delay, was a tad sick – am better now!! This one is not very easily described so read away! Please review – you know how it makes me tingly inside and causes my fingers to continue their visit on the keyboard….  
  
**

**-------------------------------  
 **

**msu: yah, am worried story is going too slow, am I getting too involved? Have tried to be better! Whadya think?  
Kuch Kuch Hota Hai is the film, it is an Indian film but if you are in an area close to a fairly large Asian population, you should find a store that has it! The actors are Shah Rukh Khan, Kajol and Rani Mukerji.**

**Nshadows: Tx! Am a desperate persona!  
MarkedOne: so glad ur still reading! Tx! Aww – how was vacation? Didya go anywhere fun and exciting?  
dustyvamp: thank you!! Spike and Buffy VERY soon! If not in the next chapter, definitely in the one after that!  
Kirsten: aww, Poor Brian! I am edging slightly, but…who knows. S/B reunion is coming ASAP.  
Slyffindor Protegy: am vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv insecure writer. Thank you!  
falcon: hehe – that is soooooooooooo cool! Thanks for the lovely comments.**

**Carol 2620: mucho thank you's to you!!   
DEE: Thank you for reading! It's really uplifting!  
  
_UR ALL SO DAMN LOVELY!!!!!!_  
  
Kay: hmm…no….he is a lot older…..  
Addicted: aww thank you, ur so sweet! *grins* *hhhuuuggsss*  
Spikeslittledevil: Am truly touched that you are so caring ****J  
  
_YOU ARE ALL LOVELY PPL – AM BEYOND HAPPY!!!  
_  
Gina: thankya, I love Cordy, she's a nutty one.**

**Undefined: u.r.a.bootifool.persona. **

**Alison : HOLS ARE TRES GOOD. Thank you!!! Love hols!! More please? am back on Tuesday….  
Lia: tank tu amiga!! I am too SLOW.**

**Sophie: thank you!! Could you help me with the French? I'm not good but I kinda get by. I want to show Liz's French nature but don't wanna do it wrong! Could I maybe run some lines by you?   
elfgirl: he he, Liz/Buffy? Voila?  
spikez: thank you! Lol, no, I don't like totally AU, it becomes a bit tacky from me. Plus I wanted a challenge, and It's not exact to the KKHH script, just the main gist and a scene or two, converted.  
Dimple: thankya! Love ya!  
KK: that is sooo nice of you to say! S/B is an intense scene – so I'm takin my time to do it justice.**

**__________________________**

Stuff between these lines:

---

are song/poem lyrics, disclaimed at beginning of episode if necessary. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Thank you Rupert."

"Yeah, thanks Uncle Giles."

Giles and Peter chuckled as Liz plopped herself in the taxi next to Peter.

"Do be sure to call me."

"We will."

"Goodbye, good luck."

"Thank you!!! Byyyeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!"

Giles smiled again as Liz waved furiously out of the window. When the taxi drove around the shrubbery, away from sight, Giles nodded in a proud way and still smiling, went back into the house, Sergio at his heel.

~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The drive was relatively short, a half-hour, perhaps. Liz was fidgeting at an extreme rate and Peter was equally as bad. When the taxi pulled into the Camp, their anticipation reached an almost unbearable point, and without even fully absorbing their surroundings, allowed themselves to be ushered, with their belongings, into separate rooms, in different areas of the camp.

In reality, the camp was large, including sports courts for basketball and rounders (the British version of baseball-ish). There was a ramp leading over the lake and several wooden buildings and tents were scattered over the area. There were a forest of cabins in clusters around the edges and Liz was lead to one of the cabins in a cluster near the entrance. There were three bunks, two of which were already filled. The last one remained empty and Liz, slightly nervous, made her way to it.

"Hi, I'm Verity." A girl in the top bunk, parallel to Liz's waved and smiled.

"I'm Liz."

"You're lucky you got here before your bunk mate, you got top."

"You too."

"Yeah, I was here last year. Most of the newbies end up on bottom."

"What grade are you in?"

"I'm going into three."

"Cool, that's mine too. Do you know who'll be our teacher."

"We all want Ms Summers, but you could get Mrs Forthright."

"I heard about Ms Summers, have you ever had her?"

"Yeah, she taught me last year. She's reeeaaaalllllllyyyyyy nice."

Liz nodded and smiled at Verity. The other girl was round faced, plain brown hair and green eyes. She was dressed as any true tomboy would be, shorts, a scruffy long shirt and pigtails.

"Hello." 

Liz looked down and a boy smiled back up at her.

"Hi." She replied, smiling.

"I'm your Bunkie."

"Do you mind? I took top, but we can swap every week or something."

"No, its fine. I'm Tom."

"I'm Liz."

"Are you new?"

"Yeah."

"Me too."

Liz was about to continue their conversation when a voice silenced the room.

"Hey guys." A blonde, petit woman was standing before them. Her hair was down, pulled back in a half-pony tail with fiddly wisps coming out in a messy/beautiful way and her face was shining and bright. She wore a pink sundress, with flower sandals and a simple cross necklace.

Liz immediately felt she liked this new woman, whoever she was. The other kids seemed to agree and one asked, "Are you going to be our cabin teacher?"

The teacher grinned and nodded. "Yup."

"Oh yes. Score!" Verity called out and two other people agreed.

The blond teacher smiled and continued. "Alllllright. Let me take this register, I've got another cabin you know."

"One of the camp staff, Mark, is also in charge of this cabin so if you have a cabin problem, he's the best other person to go to."

She waited while everyone nodded and then continued.

"There are a few rules. No fighting, no bullying, your rooms must be tidy, we'll be checking them, your beds are included in said tidying."  
  
She grinned at them in a knowing fashion and added, "Other than that, basic rules, be polite, stay within sight, listen to us, and have fun!" 

"You betcha Ms Summers."

Liz nearly gasped out loud. THIS was Buffy Summers? She was so different from…an evil freak woman. This woman was pretty and glowy and nice.

"Alright, you have ten minutes to sort yourselves out, then everyone has to meet at the cafeteria for lunch."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Sara, she's feisty that one." Spike sighed and fell onto the couch.

The house was so empty without Liz. It wasn't that he was worried. The widowed vampire was aware that his baby was in safe hands; probably having fun doing whatever it was that she was doing. It was more that Spike had realised that other than Liz…he had nothing, he did nothing. When his friends had commented on the fact, he has dismissed them. He did lots of things other than work. He watched TV, played tennis, read, drew, and went out with… Liz. 

What else could be out there for him? 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Now that we're all out here, I'd like to introduce the camp. This is camp Horwood. It's a chance for all you guys to meet some other kids in your area from other schools and to meet some friends for next year in your own respective classes."

"There are four respective grades, 2,3,4 and 5. For each of these grades there are pupils from seven respective schools."

"Each of you has a teacher and a parent or camp staff who are responsible for you. You should have been told who those two people are. They are the ones you should go to, but if you can't find them, feel free to ask for help from any one of us."

"I hope you all have a great summer! Let's eat!"

The camp administrator, an old woman, robust and scarily cuddly looking sat down and the food rush began.

Peter had recognised her instantly. She had barely changed, her face was older, but she still held the same aura of strength and dignity that had commanded respect long ago. Her face was happy, her movement flowing…it was so strange to see her this way. He caught himself thinking of Sara, of how she would have grown with similar grace and beauty…. but no. Now was not the time. Once his task was achieved, he could rest easily in his memories.   
  
*Not quite yet, you old fool*

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Liz found that not only did she have most of her day with Buffy, but also that the camp was a lot more fun than she had expected. 

There was a lot of dancing, singing and acting mainly for 'lessons'. There were sports to play, the lake to swim in and the music centre to use.

"Alright then folks. I have like totally arrived." Buffy melodramatically flipped her hair across her shoulder. Pouting her lips she sashayed towards the blanket covered area of grass where Liz and her friends were giggling. 

"In today's class DARLINGS, we are going to put on a HORROR skit."

Staying in her horrendous mock-role Buffy dumped a box in front of her kids and proceeded to pull out all manner of costume. 

"I want colours DARLING, Blues and greens, be imaginative! Make up your own MONSTORS, then, when everyone is finished, we'll scuttle on to the PRODUCTION!" 

Seeing that the class were no longer laughing, and instead had taken to looking at her like she'd grown another head, Buffy dropped the act.

"So I shouldn't head into acting then?" Buffy asked wryly.

They all nodded in a mock-sombre fashion and Buffy rolled her eyes before emptying out the box fully. 

Once the stampede was over and everyone was busy setting himself or herself up, Buffy started wandering round helping out where she could and admiring the imaginative process at work.

"Hey Liz, you look pretty normal, what are you?"

"I'm a vampire."

Buffy stopped her eyes bugging and smiled instead. "I thought vampires would have a cloak or some big teeth and really warty skin…"

"Nope. I think vampires look really normal but then they have a vampirey face that they put on when they're hunting people."

"Oh."

  
Liz nodded, playing up to the silly little girl stereotype and struggled to hide her glee at Buffy's somewhat pained face.

"Ok, why don't you do the 'vampirey' face so people can tell what you are."

"Sure."

Buffy nodded, a little unnerved at how close to reality Liz's interpretation of vampires was. Luckily for Buffy's mental state, the rest of the kids stuck to the basic idea and she was faced with pointy-hatted/warty witches, toilet-papered mummies and hairy yetties.

Liz had eerily made a mask that bore uncomfortable resemblance to a game face and Buffy was certain that Liz had some connection with vampires. The thought that vampires had tainted a child as gorgeous as Liz made Buffy's blood curl and she knew that the mystery had to be solved.   
  
*You can take the girl out of the Slayer hood but you can't take the Slayer out of the girl. *

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Come on, Liz."

"I'm coming!"

Wrapping her blanket round her shoulders tighter, Liz followed Peter towards the phone booth at the entrance of the camp.

"Have you seen her?" Liz whispered, barely containing her excitement.

"Yes."

"Well?"

"She looks the way I remember her to look."

"I think she's great."

"She's a lot more feminine. I remember when she was an active Slayer I barely ever caught her in a dress, but she wears one quite often now, and her hair is a lot more styled. I think when she retired it must have released such a huge tension for her."

"I can't imagine her fighting monsters and being really tough."

"I'm not surprised. She had a very traumatic past if I remember correctly, she was quite tense. It was your father that kept her level and able to cope."

"We're here."

"Ok, time to call your Dad."

"Abuelo…?"

"I do not like the sound of that."

"Well, I mean, we've been here for two days already…. I like Buffy…maybe we should get Dad out here too?"

When he heard Spike pick up the phone, Peter passed the handset down to Liz.

"Hello?"

"Hey Dad."

"Liz! Princess, please come home. I'm missing you so much."

"Dad! I'm not coming home. You can come here with me and granddad if you want but I really want to stay! It's so much fun here and I'm practising my English…"

"Liz – I have meetings."

"You need a holiday."

"Alright, I'll be there by the end of the week. Where is this damned camp?"

Peter took the phone from Liz and directed Spike to the camp brochures that the old man had purposely left in his son-in-law's dining room.

"Alright, I give. See you in three days."

"Bye, William."

"Bye Peter, Tell Liz I love her."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Morning Brian, come on in." Dawn smiled as the smiling man walked into Edgewood and picked up Felia.

"Hey Dawn is Giles in?"

"Yeah, he's in the kitchen. Watch out though, he's been in a grouch all week."

Brian nodded an easily found his way to the kitchen. Giles was talking on the phone.

"Yes Buffy, I am fine…No no, Dawn has kept me on that infernal diet of yours…she did…It was probably a lucky shot…game face…well, that is unusual…. why don't you just come out and ask her?"

  
After a few moments of talking on Buffy's end, Giles sighed and spoke again. 

"Buffy, how are you, really…the wedding is coming up in a few months, you're not giving yourself much time to prepare…I know you don't want a big fancy wedding, but Buffy it is a **wedding**. I'm just worried your heart isn't in it."

Brian shifted uncomfortably at the door. That was precisely what he had come to talk to Giles about. He knew there was someone in Buffy's past, someone she would probably never forget, but she was healed – or so she said. However, Brian couldn't help an uncomfortable feeling that the woman he loved did not feel entirely the same way. There was always that…hesitation…before she said 'Me too' or, on the rare chance she did say 'I love you', it sounded forced – no, not forced – but, painfully convincing enough for not only Brian, but perhaps herself.

He didn't doubt she loved him, but in a quiet, simple way. Was that even love? Love was meant to be fiery and passionate, consuming and refreshing – that's how he felt, anyway. 

"Alright Buffy, Goodbye." Giles hung up the phone and pinched the bridge of his nose once more. 

"Hey Giles."

Startled, Giles looked round to see Brian enter the kitchen, smiling and holding a magazine of some kind.

"Hello, Brian."

They talked idly for some minutes, scanning the dresses and decorations that Buffy had left to Brian and making general comments about nothing in particular.

"I love her very much, Giles."

Confused by the seemingly random change in topic, Giles nodded. "Of course you do, Brian. No one ever doubted it."

"She doesn't love me, does she?"

Giles looked away, instinctively and then cursed himself for doing so in such a guilty manner. 

"Don't be silly Brian." He muttered and stood, leaving the room.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy eased open the cabin door and stood quietly while watching Peter and Liz together.

"Tell Daddy to stay safe and not miss me too much and to please put my drawing kit away because I forgot." Liz kissed Peter goodnight and he ruffled her hair before leaving. Just as he got to the door her noticed Buffy.

"I just came in to say goodnight. I'm a bit late." She said.

"Everyone's asleep, except Liz."

"I'll say goodnight to her then."

Buffy smiled as Peter left and then walked up to Liz's bunk.

"Hey Liz."

"Hey."

"My that was an awfully long list of things for your Daddy to do! Maybe your Mummy will give him a hand, eh?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Oh, why not?"

"Well, she's too busy in heaven."

Buffy's mouth semi-froze in an 'oh' expression and her face fell slightly.  "Maybe she's hanging out with my Mom?"

"Is your mum in heaven too?"

"Yeah, she is."

Liz nodded and bit back the few tears that seemed to have come out. Having Buffy talk to her like that, in a comforting way…it made her remember Sara and what could have been.

"Hey now, no crying. They're very happy up there. It's a lovely place, Heaven."

"Yeah?"

"I'm positive." Buffy said, no pain laced in with her words. "Whats that?"

Liz looked down to the frame in her hands, the picture against her chest.

"It's a picture of my mum."

"I have a picture of my mom too, at home. Can I see yours?"

"Sure."

Liz gave Buffy the photo frame and watched as Buffy smiled at her and then looked.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


	12. Spike

_Notes:_

**Sorry! Work decided to eat me alive!! I am back with a bang!! *hint* he he, read and find out!! Thank you for your loveliness and patience!!! The next one will be sooner I promise!!! **

**As always, feedback is vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv appreciated. However, I can no longer reply back to everyone only to a couple!! Honestly honestly though – I read them all!! I love them!! But it takes too long to write replies out and I end up being late for something else and not being able to work on this until I'm done!! Sorrry!! You are alllllllllllllllllll beautiful!!!!**

**-------------------------------  
 **

**Aleesha** aww wow! That is lovely J I love KKHH. It is fab.

**Jenny** thank you?

**Lyn** hey!! CUBA!?? WOW!! Lucky ducky! No net? Hmm….that seems…relaxing! Very soothing in my opinion. 

**carol2620** tx!! I tried a slightly faster pace – muchas gracias.!

**Gattaca** *tingly* I am such a sucker for rude emphatic announcements! He he, you got me!!

Slayerkid heheheh! WOW! Study? Useless neway! I will try!!

**Tygerszark** sorry! I don't do it v. often! Had 2 hav one at least!!!

**Spikeslittledevil** I think I have J 

**Kirsten** He's a good guy and he loves her! Aww poor brian!!  
**falcon-rider** I hear ya on the signin in, I do! I try….but….I'm a rude bitch.

**t_geyer** ////////evil vibes exude/////

**Nshadows** morally right?? He he! Thank you!!!

**Msu** Tank tu!! I h8 that!! Books are for reading front to back!!! Front to back!!! There's no thrill and AAAAAAAHHHH otherwise!! YES!! JUST LIKE RILEY!!! He he! U get me!!! – never heard of that channel –

**Undefined** thank you thank you thank you thank you. You are such a lovely reviewer!! Thank you!!! You're gorgeous!!

________**__________________**

Stuff between these lines:

---

are song/poem lyrics, disclaimed at beginning of episode if necessary. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"William Vinnier."

The flight attendant nodded, not bothering to check his details. After all, it was one of his company's jets. 

William smiled and continued onboard the 12-seater. He was travelling alone, after all, how many business associates would be heading to a fairly remote summer camp where his wild child daughter had stolen herself.

"Good Morning Mr Vinnier, can I be of service?"

"No no, thank you. I want to get flying as soon as possible please."

The air stewardess nodded and William made himself comfortable while waiting for the plane to take off. It had been nearly a week without Liz and it had been the most desolate in his existence. In his solitude, the mouse-brown-haired vampire had decided to set up another branch of his art gallery in Madrid. There was already one there, but all his other locations had at least two. 

In the previous years, business had flourished under his command. Knowing how the scene had changed in the last two centuries, from personal experience, William could control the market he played in with eerie precision and determination. There were 'Cuppa Cocoa – In memory of Joyce Summers' galleries in New York, France, Spain, Italy, Germany, Greece, Turkey and Egypt. It had taken awhile to set them all up and find trustworthy managers and directors for each country and branch, but once that was done, the proud dad had been able to step back and watch his creation flourish. All he really needed to do now was keep an eye on his representatives and see where best to expand. He had a handsome bank account, which he doted on Liz with, saved, supported Peter with and gave to charity with. His life was well rounded to the outside world, but one week without his daughter and he had practically gone insane. How well rounded was that?

~*~*~*~**~*~*~**~*~*~**~*~*~**~

"I just said goodnight and tried to act somewhat NORMAL but GILES! Giles, Spike has a DAUGHTER! As in a CHILD! As in with Sara…Sara…she's…dead, Giles. I don't understand what happened. I need to know."

"I thought you didn't care about Spike anymore. What was it you said? Indifference? Apathy? Why should you care?"

Buffy was silenced under Giles' obviously bitter words. 

"You didn't have to do what I wanted."

"Yes I did. You know I did. I don't regret supporting you Buffy. I regret not supporting you to do the right thing."

"Do you have any idea what happened?"

"Willow did a spell allowing Spike and Sara to have a child, Liz. There were complications in the delivery, a curse of some sort that a resentful demon cast on Sara. She didn't make it. Spike and Liz have been alone ever since."

"How did you find out…when?"

"Willow told me when it happened." Giles lied; there was no other viable explanation. 

"Oh." Buffy nodded to herself and changed the subject, "Dean Restrepo is here too. I can't believe how much he's changed."

"He's aged Buffy."

"But wow, what a difference. I didn't recognise him at all."

Giles smiled. "I'm pretty unrecognisable, Buffy;"

"You look exactly the same."

"However flattering a comment Buffy, I fear it is only due to the fact that you aged with me."

Smiling, they sat for a few moments in a comfortable, albeit, contemplative silence. 

"It doesn't matter Giles. I'll just keep going, at the end of the camp, she goes home and everything goes back to normal."

"Buffy…you have a chance to right a mistake. Not a lot of people get that chance."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Hey Ms Summers." Liz said watching as Buffy bounced a basketball with slightly uneasy movements. It was a mismatched picture, Buffy's dress, sandals and wispy hair, unsuited to the atmosphere.

"Hey Liz," Buffy threw the ball to the side, slightly embarrassed. "Why aren't you at lunch?"

"I'm not hungry, why aren't you at lunch?" Liz smiled. 

"I guess I'm not very hungry either. Wanna go for a walk?"

"Sure."

They walked along to the lake where the next class was to take place, talking about little things and laughing at more. Wave upon wave of nostalgia rode across Buffy's soul as she remembered Spike's little mannerisms and phrases from his daughter.

Liz could see why her dad used to be best friends with Buffy. Her challenging and sly nature was such a direct contrast to his, that, stories of their arguments being legendary on campus didn't seem like such a surprise anymore. Liz had never encountered anyone who truly challenged her dad. There was Aunt Cordelia and Grand-Sire, but in the end it was always Spike that won. Liz sensed that with Buffy, her dad might not win. 

"Alright class is starting. Thanks for walking with me." Buffy grinned. 

"It was fun! Thanks Ms Summers." 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~**~

William paid the taxi man and pulled out his suitcase. Eager to see his baby again, he all but ran into the campground. He was totally unsure of where to go, there were a multitude of people and tents – where was he to find Liz?

"William." Peter smiled as his son-in-law turned around and raised his eyebrows in questioning.

"She's in a class by the lake, go on over."

"Thanks, mate."

William left his stuff with a member of staff and rushed down to the lake. Not seeing anyone except the swimming class, he ran his fingers through his hair and scanned the landscape. Noticing a group of people on the other side of the lake, he ran over, excited and energised.

"Liz!!" 

*Dammit, she can't hear me! *

"Liz!!" William was nearing the group who obviously, still couldn't hear him.

"OY! DUCKS!!"

The whole group turned to face him, and he froze. Taking in a breath, William whispered, "Buffy."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Buffy couldn't believe she was seeing Spike. He was so different. His hair, mousy brown, un-gelled – his clothes, chinos and a sweater – he was so different, so new and so THERE.

Without any conscious realisation, her feet drew her to him.

Spike couldn't believe he was seeing Buffy. She was so different. Her hair – up in a finicky design that she would never have had as a Slayer – her clothes, a dress? Sandals – she was so different, so new and so THERE. 

Without any conscious realisation, his feet drew him to her.

They met, less than a metre between them. Her mouth opened, no words came out. 

**----flashback----**

_- Touch noses_

_- Bump right shoulders._

_- Hold an invisible stake to own heart and stake twice.  
- Hug._

**---flashback----**

Spike leant forward to touch her nose as Buffy leaned in for a hug. 

They stopped and Buffy leant forward to touch his nose as Spike leant in for a hug, 

Haltingly they managed a handshake and downcast glances. All the words Spike had prepared for her went out the window and after a few moments they pulled away from each other, unsure of how to act. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"It was awful Abuelo." Liz started when she sat by Peter in the cafeteria, "They acted like strangers. They shook hands and then Dad just came over and sat down for the rest of the class."

"Where are they now?"

"Ms Summers is over there, getting her dinner, and Dad is just getting changed."

"Of all the reunions I'd pictured – that was not an option. They were both such passionate people – I assumed…"

"I know. It's awful."

"Lets see how things go, we might have to do some more pushing."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**That night**

Buffy sat on the bench, her eyes focussed on a point in the sky.  Spike watched her for a moment before coming to sit beside her.

"Hi." He whispered.

"Hi."

"I guess you're not the Slayer anymore then."

"No, Faith died – someone else was called, it just…ended."

"Nice hair."

"Thanks." Buffy replied. 

"Nice clothes."

"Thanks." She paused and then smiled. "Nice hair."

"Thanks." He grinned.

"Nice clothes."

"Thanks."

They sat in a silence that had no description, before Buffy spoke. 

"I didn't know about Sara. I'm sorry."

Spike smiled and nodded. "How would you have known? You disappeared."

"I changed houses."

"Did you change friends too? When I needed my best friend the most, you weren't there for me Buffy." 

Spike didn't say it with anger or resentment; there was a smile on his face that no one could account for.

Buffy looked down and the question of her leaving was left, hanging in the air.

"Goodnight, Spike."

"Goodnight Buffy."

And with that, she stood and left. Spike sighed and stood, walking to his own room. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"They need a major shove." Liz whined. 

She was in her granddad's room. It had been about three days and Spike and Buffy had rarely interacted. It was totally beyond their comprehension. 

"I agree. They need something that'll make them remember."

"What did they use to do everyday?"

"Well, they slayed."

"What are they meant to slay over here? And Buffy's not the Slayer anymore!"

"Ok, ok, let me think."

Liz waited eagerly, nearly falling face-first at the angle she was tilting. After a few minutes she groaned and fell back onto the bad. Peter remained on the sofa beside the end of the bed and for a few minutes it was silent. 

"I know!" Peter grinned finally.

"What?!" Liz sprung up and looked up into the smiling face of her grandfather.

"Basketball."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~

I am in need 

Of a good feed.

But I don't like seed.

So to avoid being kneed.

Give up the feed

Back.

Please.

PLEASE!!!!!

It'll take two seconds!!!!


	13. Cheating

_Notes:_

**Alrighty then – here it is – I have an excuse, I started a new one that took me on a roll!! I'll post that one pretty soon! Tis short, I know – but, bear with me – more coming!! Anyway – THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED!! I may not be able to say it personally to all of ya – but YOU.ARE.FAB. Do you comprende? YOU. ARE. BLOODY. BRILLIANT.**

**-------------------------------  
erm, im just looking for the piece of paper where I wrote my comments…..**

**erm….i *may* have lost it……  
  
SORRYYYYYYYY – daym, I feel shit now. **

**Next time – ill do it properly! I think when I cleaned up my desk #finally#, it may have gone the way of my 4 month old apple core…**

**No implied link there, btw!!! **

________**__________________**

Stuff between these lines:

---

are song/poem lyrics, disclaimed as 'Gabrielle – Rise'. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-------------------FLASHBACK-------------------

"YES!! Classes are O.V.E.R!!!!!!"

"Pet, it's only the weekend."

"AND? Classes are OVER!"

Spike rolled his eyes as Buffy hugged herself with joy. Her body was wallowing in a huge sweatshirt and loose khakis making her appear much smaller and vulnerable than she really was. Spike grinned at her; she was the image of perfection in his mind, from her scruffy ponytail to her worn sneakers. 

"What are you planning on doing then ducks? Going out for a daaaattttteeeeeeeeeee are you?"

Buffy grimaced. "No, thank goodness. He wouldn't bloody leave me alone. And I SO wouldn't let you miss your ritual whoopin' of ASS."

Ignoring the opening for a fight, Spike frowned slightly and, hesitantly spoke, 

"I think you should head back into the world of girliness and dating a little more. Could make you feel nice." There was a tinge of jealousy in his voice, after all - If Buffy started dating it wouldn't be 'Spike and Buffy' anymore and however much Buffy needed to get that last bit of life into her, Spike felt a bittersweet ache when he pushed her towards it.

Buffy tensed and her smile dropped slightly. "Spike…I'm not read-"

"Whatever you say, pet. But it's been two years now Buffy. We've done so well – you don't need to hide anymore."

Spike shrugged and the conversation was over…again. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Hey Bella." Buffy waved as she made her way to the court. 

"Oh no. I forgot, its five o'clock." Bella groaned and dragged herself behind Buffy.

"Nope, It's 4:57PM." Buffy chirped, starting to jog slightly.

"Buffy, you and Spike can give it a rest for ONE night."

"Nope, this is my Slayer training."

They managed to make it to the court where Spike was standing with a basketball in his hand. 

"Slayer."

"Cripple."

"Oooh. Harsh, pet."

"You're right, you need a soft landing. I'll be beating you pretty hard."

"Now, pet, no need to be testy."

"There's nothing TESTING about it. You loose everyday. I don't know why I bother playing."

"I win everyday pet, remember that."

"Lets just play bleachy."

"Fine, she-man."

"I resent that."

"And?"

Bella grinned as they primped themselves for the hour of hard one-on-one that was to follow. 

And the game was off. They played around at first, not really playing, still very much in the teasing mode. Through some silent synchrony, they both focussed and the real playing began. Buffy had the ball, Spike bouncing on the heel of his feet in front of her – and off they went, Spike made a lunge for the ball and in triumph turned his back on Buffy – his arms ready to take over the ball. What he hadn't realised was that Buffy had managed to keep the ball and had taken his egotistical behaviour as an excuse to 'leg it' to the goal and shoot – to score.

She was easily the better player, but every now and again Spike would make his presence known with an amazing steal or shot. They took a short break and were back on the court, sweating and high on adrenaline.

Buffy smirked at her 'arch-enemy' and they were off again. They were quick, so in tune with each other that it looked like a choreographed sequence, an erratic dance of movements and gestures. 

Finally it came to the final tied situation. There was one point to be played to determine the winner. Both of them loved when it came to this, as it often did. Truth be told, more often than not - it _was_ Buffy that won – but the tension was no less thrilling each time.

"Well Slayer, I hate to do this to you pet, but – it's just so bloody easy for me."

"Spike?"

"Yeah?"

"Play the game so I can go home and get a work out."

"As you wish, babe."

Spike's face was practically screwed up with concentration; Buffy was lightly swaying herself from foot to foot as they started the game for the final point. 

The chip-less vampire started forward, an eye on Buffy – who took her chance, in his slow, easy-to-follow movements to dart and steal the ball and rocket to the side, away from him. Their roles were reversed and she made her way to the basket – Spike's defence was weak and she bounced up and raised her hands to shoot, when his foot darted out and grabbed her at the ankle. She fell – Spike caught her in his left arm, and with his right: grabbed the ball and shot a final, fatal goal that sealed another rare victory.

"CHEATER!!!!" Buffy ripped herself from his arms and stood, angry, her hands on her hips.

"What, Slayer?"

"IF YOU CAN'T PLAY THE GAME, DON'T CHEAT!!!!"

"I do not cheat, pet."

"CHEATER!"

"Don't call me a cheater!"

"CHHEEEAAATTTEEERRRRRR"

"DON'T CALL ME A CHEATER!!!"

"CHEATER!"

"I'M NOT A CHEATER!!!"

"CHEATER!!!!"

"SLAAAAYYYERRRR!!!!"

"SSSSPPPIIIKKKKKEEEEEEE!!!!"

They launched at each other, landing some punches and kicks that had little effect.

"I'm tired."

"Me too."

And with that, they stormed off in opposite directions. It was all over the campus again – Spike and Buffy had had another argument. No one worried, they were usually resolved within the hour, if not sooner. The fact was endearing and an argument could be expected at least twice a week. Doors were slammed, tongues were protruded and ice cream was consumed. A normal day for Buffy and Spike.

-------------Flash back-------------

****

****

****

****

**_Much time has passed between us  
  
_**

**_Do you still think of me at all  
  
_**

**_My world of broken promises  
  
_**

**_Now you won't catch me when I fall_**

Sometimes, BACK in the days of

Non-genetically modified

Bird FEED, people used to 

Die of a disease in which 

There is a lack of FEEDBACK.


	14. BBall

_Notes:_

**Heya guysa!! Here we go, expect another maybe tommoz. Tis the weekend after all! My back is killing me tho, so  I mite have 2 rest up a bit. Anyway, thank you everyone who feedbacked, ur fabulosa. Ur fucking gorgeous all of ya. Heres we go! Oh, btw – **

**IF ANYONE CAN EXPLAIN WHAT **r n r n** MEANS IN A REVIEW, I WOULD APPRECIATE IT!!!**

**-------------------------------  
  
**

**Jen** Thank you, wot a review! Hmm, now that's a request I'll have to think about! 

**t_geyer** heya! I thought you wanted Spuffyness? There, you got it just, in the past! Next time, be more exact ;)

  
**Nshadows** – he he yupsie  I work on them longer than the FIC

**Slayerkid** – AWW!!! U.R.SO.DAYM.CUTE!!!

**Elfgirl** I'm trryyyyinnnggggggg………

**Frakie** Hey! Well, yeah, things are weird, but its been a long time – a llot of explaining and…stuff… happen this chapter!!!!!

________**__________________**

Stuff between these lines:

---

are song/poem lyrics, disclaimed at the beginning of a chapter if necessary. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Oh, hi." Buffy smiled, unsure of what to say. She has just left her room and bumped into the man she had been semi-avoiding. 

"Uhm, Hi Buffy."  Spike answered clumsily. 

She was looking radiant. Her hair was pulled up in another wispy and finicky design with a complexly designed ornament in it - this time complimented by a wood red coloured dress and sandals that matched her earrings and bracelet. On the other hand, he too looked great, in a dark green sweater and fawn khakis. His hair was still something that startled her, it was in the same style but it was no longer the dangerously alluring bleached blond it used to be. Instead, it was a mousy brown that changed his main image from what it used to be.

"Hi." She repeated.

"Hi."

Spike cursed himself, but he couldn't help it - there was a barrier of years that he couldn't seem to get past, something formal and adult that seemed to have been born between them.

"I'm headed to the lake, Liz'll probably be there, wanna head over?"

"Yeah, sure." Spike smiled and they started towards the lake, a little apart, edgy and forced words passed between them and as they neared the lake, they were glad for the distraction from the playing fields. 

"Whats going on over there?" Buffy asked, leaning forward and squinting to try and see what was going on.

"Looks like some kids are fighting, we'd better head over."

"Yeah, come on."

They moved forward at a brisk walk and then a jog when they realised it was Liz fighting with another kid.

"LIZ!"

"TOM!"

Buffy ran up to Tom while Spike grabbed Liz and they dragged the two children away from each other. Liz was still fighting against Spike's hands and Tom was jutting his chin out from behind Buffy's arms.

"Cut it out!"

"Liz! What the bloody hells were you playing at?"

"HE SATRED IT!!" Liz yelled, hoping she sounded as convincingly angry as possible.

"HE SAID THAT GIRLS CAN'T PLAY BASKETBALL!!!!"

"WELL THEY CAN'T!!!" Tom yelled, giggling inside. He had been happy to help his new friend on her mission and they had organised their little 'fight' previously.

"LIZ!" Spike yelled, turning her towards himself. "You can't get angry at someone for telling the general truth."

"SPIKE!" Buffy yelled, "Liz can play basketball if she wants to."

"Of course she can, some gals can take it, but – most can't. Take yourself for example, Buffy."

"Spike, I beat you every day in college."

"Slayer, its bad to lie in front of children."

"Spike, I'm not lying, you lost every single day."

"Buffy, you've made a mistake, remember – I won everyday."

"The truth is Spike that the only way YOU could win was if you CHEATED."

"Don't call me a cheater."

"That's what you are. A cheater."

"Don't call me a cheater!!"

"CHEATER!!"

" DON'T call me a cheater!"

"CHHEEEAAATTTEEERRRRRR."

"DON'T CALL ME A CHEATER!!!"

"CHEATER!"

"I'M NOT A CHEATER!!!"

"CHEATER!!!!"

They were practically nose-to-nose, and that was the final straw. They launched at each other, Buffy elbowing him as he kicked her. 

"Buffy, Spike. Please." Peter broke in. 

They both pulled back, embarrassed. The majority of the camp was crowding round and with sheepish and overly straight-backed movements they separated themselves.

"Spike, I challenge you right now. Play me and we'll see."

"Fine."

"Fine."

~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*

Everyone was gathered round one of the basketball courts. All the girls were on one side and all the boys were on the other, just for fun. Even the teachers and camp staff were chuckling at the edge of the court as Buffy and Spike met in the middle. Spike had removed his sweater leaving a plain black shirt underneath. Buffy had removed her earrings and jewellery. 

"Good luck Buffy."

"Good luck Spike."

She turned to move and he stopped her. "Hey, Buffy?"

"Yeah?"

"Watch the outfit, wouldn't want it to get hurt now, would we?"

She rolled her eyes and they prepared themselves.

He was right, she used to live in baggy clothes – usually from the Men's department. But times change, things happen and Buffy had slowly learnt to enjoy life more after leaving Spike. She had no one to lean on anymore and that allowed her to use the hidden store of bravery she didn't use for her personal life. Things had changed even more dramatically when Faith had died, she no longer had to be a Slayer, and she could have **'normal'**…. so she took it. At first it had been strange, but being normal was what she had always wanted, wasn't it? 

So Buffy had bought more dresses, more jewellery and girly things and then she had Brian. It was perfect the way it was and Spike's arrival was contrasting it in the most painful way possible.

Brushing away her thoughts, Buffy launched into the game.

It was hard, clumsy and difficult in her clothes. They restricted her movement and allowed Spike an advantage. Spike was officially better. His moves were smoother, his goals were better aimed and his dodging was far superior. In her defence, Buffy was not awful; she got her own back a few times but more often than not….

"YES!! Another one for the lads. C'mon, pet – don't embarrass yourself too much."

His smug attitude was so free of manners and formal restraints –things that she had learnt to rely on since he arrived. Now, the man she loved was being thrust into her face – the cocky, arrogant, hyperactive vampire-man was right there, being himself. 

And that was something she couldn't face. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

She was loosing. It went from bad to worse. Spike would steal the ball with such timing that she was continually defeated. Her hair was loosened, the beautiful design becoming a mesh of blond falling across her face.

Finally, she managed to get close to her goal, as she reached up to score; her hair accessory fell to the ground. Looking back to see it on the floor, she furrowed her eyebrows.

"Let me hold that for you, pet."

Buffy nodded and passed Spike the ball so she could reach down to grab the black hair object.

Suddenly realising her mistake she looked up to see Spike's smirking eyes meet hers, roll and then shrug as he made the goal. 

Feeling thoroughly stupid, she finished re-doing her hair and looked away from his stare. She felt her breath catch as the vampire invaded her personal space and pulled the ornament from her hair causing it to fall naturally across her shoulders. 

The ex-Slayer looked up into his glassy eyes and swallowed, trying to look defiant. Spike stayed there for a moment, a moment that seemed to drag on, and a moment that made her weak and crazy and yearning.

Then he moved to collect the ball. It had only been a few seconds.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"And now, the final point, and I think I should go a bit slow, make this a tad easier for your Ms Summers to handle. Don't cry girls, it might just be Ms Summers that can't play basketball."

Buffy was enraged. Not only at his smug little speech but also that he was making her feel giddy and he was being himself, his old self and making her remember. The blonde watched as Spike finished addressing their audience and started, slowly dribbling, hinting to the ball. With determined strides she walked up to him and kicked him at the ankle causing him to fall to the ground, sprawled across the court.

"Hey!! If you can't win, don't cheat!" Spike yelled, standing up.

"I didn't cheat!"

"Yes you did. You cheater."

"Don't call me a cheater!"

"Cheater."

"I'm not a cheater."

"CHEATER!"

"I'm NOT a cheater!!"

"CHEATER!!"

"I'M NO-"

Realising what she had been pulled into, she absorbed everyone's laughter and Spike's cocked eyebrow before smiling and then chuckling and then snorting and then laughing, fully laughing. 

Carefree, light laughing. 

The blonde could barely stop, tears came to her eyes, her tummy hurt and she laughed and laughed. Spike himself was shaking with laughter, long waited laughter, true laughter that he had missed for a long time. They came to each other and continued laughing as they shook their heads at each other.

Two friends hugged again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Once there was a writer

Who worked very hard

Her workload seemed much lighter

When you sent her…lard

Aka feedback.


	15. Natural

_Notes:_

**SO SO VERY SORRY!!! Major writers block + stress + work = no fic!!**

**Please feed me so I have more energy for it all!! Thank you all who have reviewed – you are absolute gems that keep me living!!!!**

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**slayerkid **– you. Are. Gorgeous!! AAH! THAT'S A FAB REVIEW!! I'm **shaking **after that!!! WOWOWOWOWOW!! Thank you so much, I treasure that! 

**Dustyvamp** mucho tanx! Yes – 'shy' b/s was BUGGY It annoyed me to have to write it!!!

**Brasil** thank you! Lovely persona thatcha R!

**Trinity** thank you , aren't you an alternate person for the name of that girl in the matrix?

**Msu** well, now YOU are just plain wonderful. 

**Natalie** your review means loads!! It is great! Even a 'its really nice' review is still LOVELY and HAPPY INDUCING – always always review – writers will sing your praises coz it is so lovely for them!

________**__________________**

Stuff between these lines:

---

are song/poem lyrics, disclaimed at the beginning of a chapter if necessary. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next week was filled with all the trepidation, excitement and playfulness that pulling the past into the future should bring….

"RACE YA INTO THE LAKE SLAYER!!!"

Spike ran across the camp, kicking off his shoes into the moist grass as he did so. Diving in from the fishing pier, he did a few strokes while waiting for Buffy to jog up. 

"Spike!" she laughed at the sight of him, wet through - with his hair mopped to his face.

"Come on Slayer, get in pet."

"Spike, its nearly one in the morning. I thought we were going for a walk."

"We were, but the lake was just waiting for us, ducks. Come on."

"I'll spoil my clothes and it'll make a mess for when we go back-"

Spike grinned and seemed almost to sigh.  "My my. Buffy Summers, Slayer, Tomboy, my best friend. The most manly girl in UC Sunnydale…look at you."

"Look at me? Whats changed?"

"My Buffy wouldn't have given it a second thought. Clothes? A Puddle? Messy hair? My Buffy knew life, the chance of it – was worth so much more than that stuff. What was it you used to say, pet?"

Buffy frowned and turned away slightly. "I should seize the day, I'm not sure how many lives a Slayer can have, but I've lost two and I might only have one left."

"That's right. Two outta three you used to say. 'Two out of three – I've lost whatever game it was, the last hand is just for fun.'"

"That was a long time ago, Spike."

"You lost another life?"

"No."

"Still holds true."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Right, so Ms Summers and Spike are at the game point!"

Buffy grinned, bouncing the ball. A fitting yellow long-sleeved shirt accompanied her baggy jogging bottoms and pony tailed hair. Blue trainers supported her feet and her cross and some bracelets were all the jewellery on her person. It was an unusual change, but a comfortable one. She no longer felt in necessary to overly-adorn herself with 'normal' girl things, they were a nuisance anyway now that Spike kept her active and moving. 

"Alright, Spikey."

"Bring. It. On."

"Do you want some pom-poms? I'll understand if you realise that watching is the only sport you're capable of."

"Harsh, pet – is talking all you're worth? I need some action."

"Oh, I'll give you action."

The game was a particularly tough one, Spike winning by luck instead of skill. Buffy's performance had radically improved, and now they played everyday for the kids to watch. They preferred Buffy and Spike to television. Now that – is amazing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They went fishing, Spike catching very little and becoming beyond proud with it. Buffy and Liz watched as he proudly held his fish up to the world before throwing it back into the lake where it flopped away. 

"Dad!" 

Spike grinned and came off the pier to join the two giggling figures on the picnic blanket. The day was a warm one, everyone was lazing about – not even the teachers could be bothered with anything when the atmosphere was a humid and hazy, sleep-inducing smudge. 

"Spike, that was pathetic."

"Buffy, I'd thank you to keep my honour in front of my child."

"What honour, Dad?"

Buffy and Liz snorted as Spike deflated and grumbled at the two minxes opposite him. On the inside however, he was glowing. Buffy and Liz looked beautiful together – like those perfectly choreographed television adverts. The sun played across their faces and Liz, sitting on Buffy's lap was playing with the elder woman's hair and laughing. 

"…shouldn't we?" 

Spike broke out of his daze and realised that Buffy and Liz were both looking at him expectantly.

"Yeah, pet."

"See, Liz – there are two main features of a…"

  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Buffy, luv."

"Yeah?"

They were sitting together on the bench where they had first spoken. The night was dark as it had been that night, but on this occasion, Buffy was sitting much closer to Spike and they were in a comfortable silence before Spike had spoken.

"Tell me. About Faith and…giving it up."

"She was killed by a Kzenmagh Demon."

"Nasty gits."

"I killed it." She replied, tonelessly.

"Thought so."

"And the rest of the demons in her town."

"All of them?" Spike asked, though it was barely a question.

"Yeah."

Buffy sighed and looked away from him, far into the sky as if watching a scene play out at the end of the universe.

"It was so fast. A few hours after her death, they located the next Slayer. She was a girl, 17 then. Her name was Claire. They asked me to go meet her, talk to her about being a Slayer. Then they told me she was The Slayer. The Chosen One. I was no longer needed. So I left it all. Freedom from slaying – that's what I'd always been waiting for. I'd learnt to forget the possibility of a white picket fence. But Claire gave me the chance to take it, so I did, of course I did."

"You did because you wanted to give something back to the scared, angry, 16 year old Buffy? Or you did it because you were STILL that scared, angry, 16 year old Buffy?"

"Spike."

"Well?"

There was a pause, she seemed to begin another sentence, only to look away from the sky, to the ground, and speak.

"Claire died a year later. Then Annabel was called, she lasted two years. Now we're on Holly, she's been doing well – mainly because Giles decided to step in a little with her."

"You didn't answer me Buffy."

"You know the answer, Spike."

"Do _you_?" he snapped, barely containing his thoughts. This was the conversation he'd been dying to have since finding her again.

"Of course I do."

"I'm not saying go back to it pet. You know I'd never wish you in that for one more second than you'd have to be, but you weren't made for 'normal' luv - or at least not the traditionally normal. The Slayer in you didn't just die. It's still a part of your very soul. And we both know how particular you are about souls."

"What are you trying to say, Spike?"

"You don't need to force yourself into a 'normal' that you don't fit into. Wearing a ton of jewellery, dresses and finicky make-up and beauty stuff - that restricts you pet. You're made for running free with nature – natural in every sense of it, pet. You are a force of nature. You MAKE your own 'normal'. You don't fit in anywhere because you aren't meant to. You're above that."

"How do you know, Spike? You don't know me that well anymore."

"Of course I don't. It's been a long time, pet. Not out of choice though, was it?"

"Look, you said we could move past that."

"I lied. I want to know what took my best friend away from me."

"Something even you can't control."

"WHAT? WHAT? Coz' you've defeated EVERYTHING pet, every demon, every curse, every problem that could END THE WORLD. So, I find it hard to believe you couldn't defeat whatever it was. Coz MY Buffy would never have given up."

"It was the right thing to do at the time."

"That's great, pet."

"Spike, just leave it."

"Fine. I will."

"I'm sorry."

"So am I."

"Friends?" she offered, wearily.

"I never stopped, ducks."

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~~~

"Alright kids!! Listen up!!"

It'd been two days since Buffy and Spike had argued, and the very next day things went back to how they had been. Both of them acted as if they had forgotten the painfully truthful words that had been yelled, though in reality – it was all they thought about. 

  
Spike was helping at a sports lesson while Buffy had a class.

"Ok. Thanks. Now, I've had complaints from Mummies and Daddies who want letters home. So, today we're all going to send our Mummies a pretty card and tomorrow we'll do one for our Daddies!"

Buffy held out the paper box and the pencil box in each hand and started rallying all the children to tables. It was all quite hectic; everyone was excited at the thought of writing down everything they were doing.

"Come on Liz, write a letter to your mum." Buffy realised what she was saying just as she said it, and the smile died on her face as Liz seemed to close in on herself and run out of the classroom. Buffy left the things with the other staff teacher and ran after the small figure in front of her.

"Liz!!"

*Dammit, Buffy! You idiot!*

Buffy slowed to a jog as Liz fell onto her bed and pulled her knees to up and cried.

"Hey, Liz. I'm sorry."

"It's ok." Came the muffled, tear-stained reply.

Buffy noticed that the girl had managed to grab and cling to a picture of Sara. Not sure of how to go about things, Buffy sat on the bed next to Liz.

"Hey Sara." Buffy began, watching as Liz looked up at her, "How are you?"

There was a pause, Buffy smiled. "If you were here today you'd be so proud of Liz. She's so beautiful and smart and kind. The best thing about her though, Sara – she's just like you. Her face, her smile, every time I see her I think of you and how proud you must be of her."

They were silent for a few moments, Liz now silent, with a few understanding tears on her cheek, a comforted look on her face.

"Dear Buffy's Mummy." Liz began; her eyes meeting Buffy's slightly scared ones, 

"I've never met you, but I know who you are. Daddy's galleries are named in your memory. He said that Joyce Summers was one of the most honourable and loving human beings he'd ever encountered in his whole existence. If you're that amazing, Buffy must be pretty good too. Say hello to my mum if you see her."

They smiled at each other and hugged, not noticing Spike's retreating figure, tears streaming down his own face, his arm supported by Peter's who was torn between rejoicing and crying.

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The next few days were a blur of laughter, colours, costumes, songs and jokes. Spike and Buffy were getting closer by second and Liz was getting more and more eager that something could happen between the two.

That night, there was a dance show on the grass. Small lanterns cast a beautiful yellow haze across the 'stage' as those not performing settled themselves on the grass, talking and waiting for the dancers to enter.

Spike and Peter settled themselves near to the edge of the lake. All of the audience were on one side of the lake, while the 'stage' was on the other. After glancing at Liz, who was giggling with Verity a few metres away, Spike continued his conversation with Peter. They were interrupted after a few minutes when some oriental music started to seep into the air and suddenly Spike's heart seemed almost to beat. 

She was beautiful. Her hair was pulled up into a splaying knot with slightly loosened wisps. A long flowing deep purple floating dress fell at her heels as she lifted her hands into the air and began to dance, a score of slightly older children behind her. But Spike's eyes never even fully took in that anyone else was there. Buffy's fluid movements and hypnotic arches of back seemed designed for him alone. 

The dim, yellow haze that surrounded her was set off by the black sky, peppered with clear stars that reflected in the murky waters before them. It was entrancing, and when it was over it seemed only a few seconds had passed in a reality of close to half an hour. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Writers block is evil 

Its worse than a whiney weasel

The only way to defeat this foe

Is to help me grow

A larger ego

Please review!!!!


	16. Dance

_Notes:_

**Thanks for the feeding!!! Hehe, can I please ask you all to read the lyrics – I am very particular about them and they really are a support for my whole thing, so please, if you don't normally read the lyrics – do! I've used lots of little snippets because that sortof conveys the confusion and WOAH of her thoughts etc…**

**This is a BIG BIG BIG scene – we are nearing the end now guys – so, I really need some motivation – plus I'm a bit iffy bout this scene bcoz its so big!! ****J**

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**elfgirl **– betcha thought I wasn't gonna use it huh? Lol. I was saving it for this chapter particularly.

**KK-** Ur GORGEOUS! Thank you – I read your review at ike 9AM after going to bed at like 6AM in the morning so, despite the likeliness of a bad day, I had a good one!!

**Jen** – I maintain the stand on the whole 'I work harder on the poem at the end than the fiction' thing. Coz its so true.

**Msu** AWWWWWW!!!! UR FAB!!!!!!! DEAR CHICKENSS!!!! YOU BEAUTIFUL CREATURE!!! I tried to do a huge webpage saying 'msu, you are so cool, I'm not a fool, I can see you're a jewel' but it didn't work!!!! BUT I MEANT IT!!!

_____**__________________**

Stuff between these lines:

---

are song/poem lyrics, 

I'm not sure about one of the songs – elfgirl very kindly sent me the lyrics and I forgot to note down the artist and title!

Other Lyrics used are extracts from : Lonestar – amazed /  Mary J Blige – Give me You /  Eminem – 'Lose Yourself'   
Mariah Carey – Do you know where you're going to? / Syleena Johnson – Baby I'm so confused

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Spike! WAKE UP!!

"Nyarghumngharoohmmmmmmmmmm…"

Buffy smiled; oddly comforted that time had not changed everything about him. She was standing outside his door, waiting to walk to breakfast and he was being unbearably lazy – not even out of bed yet by the sounds of it.

"Buffy – go on. I'll see you there!"

"Alright. I was two milliseconds away from leaving without saying anything anyway!"

Spike grinned as he sensed her departure. The whole idea had started out as a surprise but it made him feel unusually comfortable and uncomfortable with his old hair back. 

"Think I might keep it for a bit." He said aloud, grinning.

The old hair did not mean the old clothes, instead Spike was wearing a warm black turtleneck sweater and cream khakis. It was an unusual combination but it had an alluring 'wow' to it. 

Striding across the grounds to the cafeteria, he received some appreciative glances, slightly shocked faces, 'Hey…oh…Hi' was another favourite and he even had one open-mouthed gaping incident.

Entering the canteen, his eyes searched for Liz. His glowing daughter was talking to the boy she had argued about basketball with. 

*That's my girl. Always the peacemaker but knows how to handle herself*

After saying good morning to her, and receiving several questions and giggles, the vampire went in search of Buffy. 

And there she was.

Her hair was done beautifully, a swirl of different shades of blond all merged into one, falling down her back. There was a pretty hair clip that pulled a few strands from the front to the back in a very small half-ponytail - and the balance was breathtaking. 

The ex-Slayer was wearing a large blue grey sweater with a drooping, flopping neckline that showed the edges of her shoulders and trailed down to the first few inches of her thighs. Some dark blue fitting jeans and trainers finished off her clothing with an adorable flair that was complimented by gypsy styled earrings and several bracelets, some simple, some ornate.

She was perfect.

~~~~****~~~~~~******~~~~*****~~~~~

"Wow."

"What?"

"Look at Spike."

"Huh?" Buffy turned her head away from the colleague she had been speaking to and looked around for Spike. 

And that's what she saw – Spike. 

Spike. William the Bloody. Evil vampire. Bleached Menace. Dead boy Junior. In all his glory. Surround sound, top-notch graphics – he was **there**. 

Predatory. 

Sensual. 

Alluring. 

Scorching. 

Claiming. 

Demanding. 

Dominating. 

Dangerous. 

Oh, very very dangerous. 

"Mornin' ducks."

*You're going to kill me*

~*~*~**~*~**~*~*~*~*~**~*~**~*~*~

The day was spent with the need for supernatural amounts of will power on Buffy's part. He was in. He was game. Something had changed. It wasn't about just friends anymore. She had seen him on the hunt – in both circumstances. The slyness of it all.

*Didn't I used to think that if he ever turned that on me, I'd just give in?*

The odd touch, a few stares held too long, teasing, smirking, whispering…she didn't know how she held back.  Buffy's thought's were in a tangle of nerves, something she had truly wanted for so long….but what about all she had?…But a chance to get a part of her soul back…but what about her new desires and….empty desires? 

Nothing made sense. Nothing was understandable. Except that gleam in his eye.

~~~~******~~~~~~~*****~~~~~~*******~~~~~

"Alright guys! Tonight we're playing Charades! The topic for the first round is FILMS!! Two teams lead by two members of staff. To my right we have Team A – Ms Summers and Spike. To my left we have Team B, Peter and Sylvia. All right! I'd like to ask someone from Team A to give the name of a movie to one member of Team B who will 'act' out clues to get across the name of the movie!!"

The game was high-spirited, Liz being on Peter's team, the competitive efforts were high on everyone's list and the sound of a contagious laughter filled the air. 

"Alright! Ms Summers, come on up and get the name of the film from Peter."

Buffy smiled and stood up. The whole of Team A whooped and hollered behind her as she came forward. Peter's face had an almost evil grin on it as she bent down and he whispered the film in her ear. 

Blushing and muttering Buffy walked up in front of her team and glanced over the little faces and _his_ face before she ducked her head.

"Erm, I'm not sure if this is suitable for our camp age group."

" Do be quiet Buffy! No speaking allowed!" Peter yelled out, helpfully.

"Yeah, go on Ms Summers!" Liz giggled. 

"Uhm, ok." Buffy furrowed her eyebrows and shrugged. 

Spike grinned at her discomfort and the 'age group' comment had piqued his interest. 

Buffy kicked at the ground ferociously and looked up eagerly to find the team looking a bit worried about her. Gesturing to the ground, she picked up some dirt and let it fall from her fingers.

"Mud?"

"Grass?"

Buffy shook her head and made a scowling face at the mud and brushed her hands off.

  
"Uhm…"

Liz giggled. She'd never heard of the film before, her Abuelo had mentioned it so she wasn't surprised none of the kids on Team A knew of it. But from the sudden spark in her Dad's eye – he did.

But…he didn't do anything about it. 

Liz was lost now, she hoped he knew what he was doing.

~~~~~~~~~~~********~~~~~~~~~~~*******~~~~~~

"Alright pet, never mind, go onto the second word!"

Spike had figured out that she wanted the word 'Dirty', but hadn't said it – if he had guessed right, she would start to dance now and that was something he had to see.

Buffy groaned. No one had understood 'dirty' so she couldn't just boogie on the spot.

*Here goes* 

Buffy pouted her lips and swayed her upper body and hips to the imaginary song in her head, loosing the absolute embarrassment, she ran her fingers across her stomach and neckline. Mid –dance she realised that not once had she broken eye contact with Spike. The shock sent her arms to her sides and the blush to her cheeks.

"Dirty Dancing." He smirked.

"Yeah." She smiled, ducking her head and quickly went back to her spot on the ground next to Spike.

"Well done, pet. Very sexy." He bit his lip and looked away, cheering on the next contestant while Buffy's eyes widened and she blushed yet again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Alright, come on Spike! It's your turn!"

Spike grinned and stood. Bending down, he let Liz whisper in his ear.

"That film does not exist."

"Yes it does!"

"No way."

"It does, it does – go on Daddy!"

Spike sighed and walked up in front of his Team. Buffy was giggling and swatting away one of the kid's hands and once they had finally settled down, Spike tried, in vain to convey the film. There was an assortment of random gestures, some sort of unusual galloping movements, mouse like sniffing and Elvis dancing….

"Spike, what the hell are you DOING?"

"I'm trying dammit! If you weren't so bloody air-headed you'd gettit!"

"Spike, I doubt someone involved in the movie would get it!"

Simon stood up and walked over to Spike. "Tell me what it is, and I'll give it a go!"

"Alright, mate."

Spike bent down and whispered into Simon's ear : 'I Love You'. 

"How're you going to do that, then?"

"Spike!" Simon rolled his eyes.

_-Hold the other person's hand to your heart_

_-Squeeze it_

_-Move the squeezed hands to the other person's heart._

"I LOVE YOU!!" Buffy yelled out, shaking her head. "C'mon Spike, that was so easy! How could you not do that one?"

"I dunno, pet. Just couldn't."

They grinned at each other and Spike came back down to sit beside her. Just as the next person started to play, it started to rain. 

"Everyone get inside!!"

The light drizzle quickly turned into the beginning of a storm and everyone immediately rushed inside. As Buffy directed some of the kids to one of the tents she noticed Spike was standing, arms wide, looking into the rain. Grabbing an umbrella, she ran over to his figure, now alone in the night.

"Spike! Come on! It's raining!"

His face turned to hers, and Buffy saw some sort of great release in his eyes, as if he had not a worry or fear in the world. He pulled the umbrella from her hands and threw it to the wind.

"Spike!"

"Come with me, Buffy!"

Buffy- now soaked through, her maroon dress clinging to her body, followed Spike through the rain to a gazebo by the lake. As they ran under the somewhat shelter, Buffy tried in vain to wring some water out of her clothes and hair. 

"Buffy?"

She looked up and met Spike's smiling face, arm outstretched. She frowned, questioning. The vampire motioned her to dance with him. 

"No music." She whispered. 

_--__ Breathe life into this feeble heart--___

Without even thinking, he pulled her to him, the music non-existent yet oddly present in their mid-summer night rendezvous. 

_--__ Lift this mortal veil of fear--_

His arms held her by the waist as they swayed, slowly, carefully and dazedly. They seemed almost to slip into an unconscious cloak of movement as the music between them played out and they danced.

_--__ Take these crumbled hopes etched with tears __  
__we'll rise above these earthly cares--___

Spike blew lightly into her ear; a shudder he felt in his arms resulted through her body. He placed a gentle kiss against the cold, wet skin at the edge of her neck and felt her neck ease up closer.

--_ The smell of your skin  
the taste of your kiss--_

Slowly his lips skimmed across her cheek and brushed lightly over her lips – they did not stop, her hot breath urging him onwards.

"Spike."

_-- You don't have to promise me the stars  
Just promise me that I have your heart--_

"Sssshhh." He blew gently over her eyes, closing them as they continued to dance. There was some resistance in her, she wanted to let go, he could tell. What could hold her back? Spike didn't know. All he knew was that she would have to be assured of his feelings, tonight – or the moment would go by.

_-- Having you beside me, I have everything I need  
so give me, give me you---_

Her fingers played between his and, almost in a trance, she moved them across his wrists, his pale skin almost gleaming in the wet night. 

_-- You better lose yourself in the music  
the moment you own it; you better never let it go --_

Buffy's fingers moved to his face, a loud pounding reverberating through her whole body as she - still not meeting his eyes, traced lines along the nape of his neck, fluttering across his skin, mesmerised, the blonde tilted her head, loosing herself.

*That's it, pet, let go*

_-- You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow  
Cuz opportunity comes once in a lifetime--_

Shivering, she seemed almost to fall into his arms and felt him let out a breath. The moment was so intense; nothing except the very seconds that passed by affected her in any way. His arms, his caring, something she wanted, she needed, was there.

_--Once we were standing still in time  
Chasing the fantasies that filled our minds  
You knew how I loved you, but my spirit was free  
Laughing at the questions that you once asked of me--_

Pulling back, she smiled, her eyes meeting his. Reaching forward, Buffy cupped his cheek in her hand. A flash of something caught her eye and then her blood ran cold. An accusing, harsh diamond stared at her. Pulling away, as if burnt, she stepped back, the moment was shattered and a horrified look replaced the smile. 

"Buffy…" the word died on his lips, as he watched, in shock, as she let out a choked sob and ran. Her feet seemed to almost hover over the grass, running and running, tears and rain soaking her muscles. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_-- Do you know where you're going to?  
Do you like the things that life is showing you?  
Where are you going to?  
Do you know?  
Do you get what you're hoping for?  
When you look behind you there's no open door  
What are you hoping for?  
Do you know?--_

Brian flinched against the pelting rain, pausing to glance; he located the main tent and was about to run to it when he saw a figure hurtle into the nearby woods. Realising it was Buffy, he quickly asked the taxi driver to take his things into the tent before running into the woods after her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_--I just don't know what to do  
I fell in love again, but why, oh, why am I so blue  
And darling, darling, it's all because of you  
You put a hold on my heart and soul, leaving me so confused--_

Pushing past the clawing brambles and bushes, Buffy ran, letting out the excess energy that he had built up in her mind. Finally, she threw herself against a tree, panting, she sobbed, soaked through and distraught - her mind couldn't focus on anything. All she could put her finger on was that she loved him. Nothing else mattered. No one else mattered. 

Strong arms pulled her into an embrace and without a second thought she let it all out, the emotion, the desperation and the need for him that she kept within herself for so long. Too long.

"I love you. I really, really love you." 

"Hey, baby…I love you too."

Buffy's head snapped up and met the smiling eyes of her fiancée.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Hey Peter – have you seen Buffy?"

Spike had known that Buffy needed a moment to think, but had expected her to return to the tent pretty quickly. Everyone was huddling together, warming up and talking. The vampire spoke with Liz, making sure she was warm and happy, he continued to pace and wait for Buffy.

"And this is the famed summer camp!" a deep, laughing voice proclaimed.

Spike spun around and saw Buffy enter the tent, shortly followed by a man. Her eyes spun around and once they met his, fled back to the man.

"Buffy?"

"Brian meet Spike. Spike, Brian."

"Hey." Brian grinned, putting a hand out.

"Hi." Spike shook his hand, an uneasy feeling creeping up on him

"Spike's an old friend from university." 

"Wow, really? I thought you said you'd lost contact with all of your old mates."

"Yeah, it was a coincidence. His daughter is here, so…"

"Hey that's great, it's always good to meet up with an old friend. You must be chuffed, Spike. Cool name by the way."

"Yeah……I'm real chuffed….Thanks, mate." 

_There is no pain like that of desire_

_Is there no difference between women and fire?_

_One burns the spirit_

_The other the flesh_

What is the price of desire?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Spike and Buffy 

Tend to get huffy

If I don't write them after a day or two.

If you'd like some more lines

Then now is the time

To send off a review, please do!


	17. Happy

_Notes:_

**Happy Holidays!!!**

**I am unbelievably sorry! A special shout-out to F(numbers)@aol.com! Your sweet e-mail got me moving and I put this bit out. I know its very short and I'm sorry! Thank you all for e-mailing and reviewing, its gorgeous and literally, writing inducing! This one is a bit crap, I'm aware, I might even re-write it later on! Sorry!**

**The delay is due to this thing called 'revision' for these demon-like exams. Trust me, no amount of Watchering will ever remove these things from our lives! I'll try, but I hope you understand that the exams are my priority right now ****L they suck! I'd much rather write!!  Thanks for the support! I'll need it! Wish me luck!**

**-------------------------------  
  
**

**No time! Exams! Work! I'm sorry!**

________**__________________**

Stuff between these lines:

---

are song/poem lyrics, 

'Tearing up my heart' by Nsync

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spike bounced the ball concentrating only the hollow sound of it hitting the court. It was night, odd animal creaking and a distant whistle accompanied the vampire as he mulled.

"Hey man."

Great. It was…it.

"Hey, mate."

Brian smiled and stood slightly awkwardly at the edge of the court. 

"You're good. A Michael Jordan number two!"

"I'm not that good, I've been beaten."

"Really? No way, who?"

"Buffy."

"Buffy? My Buffy?"

"Yeah."

"Wow. I had no idea that she was into sports at all."

"She played a lot in college."

"You knew her in college, I forgot. What was she like?"

"She was the heart and soul of the place. It was all a bit difficult with the slaying and all that, but she managed to live in a great way."

"Heart and soul? Wow. What was the slaying?"

"Oh." Spike stopped bouncing the ball and turned to look at the man in front of him. 

"It was a band. 'The Slaying'. It took up a lot of her time."

"Wow. I'll have to ask her about that."

"You do that."

"I know she's really glad to have met up with you again. Just in time for the wedding!"

"Wedding?"

"Yes, hadn't she mentioned?"

"You two are engaged?"

"Yes, we have been for awhile, but she's finally ready to tie the knot!"

"Oh right, yeah, I remember now."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*

--** It's tearin' up my heart when I'm with you  
But when we are apart, I feel it too- -**

The next morning, Spike ran into Buffy.

"Hey Buffy! What kind of friend are you! I had no idea you were engaged, Brian just told me last night – Congratulations!" 

Spike felt like his insides were being shred as her stony face looked up at him, a clenched jaw and sheened eyes met his own grinning ones.

"Are you happy?" Spike asked, smiling at an alarmingly painful rate.

"Are you happy? Having heard that I'm engaged I mean. Are you happy?"

The milliseconds that she left open to him slipped past in a cloak of panic, his voice speaking without his mind truly understanding.

"Of course I am."

--** And no matter what I do, I feel the pain  
With or without you--**

"If you're happy, how could I possibly be?"

Turning, she left him, a swarm of children pulling the vampire away.

~~~~***~~~~~***~~~~***~~~~~***~~~~~~

--** Baby I don't understand just why we can't be lovers  
Things are getting out of hand--**

The day passed. Liz and Peter moved in a state of shock, unable to fully process the new situation.

"We must give up, niño."

"We can't!" Liz's lower lip trembled as Peter took her into his lap.

"I'm sorry Liz. She's engaged. Its over."

"No, no but Daddy. He loves her, and she loves him, I don't understand why you won't try. We can't just leave it."

"What can we do, Liz? Her mind is made up. It is her life."

"Fine." Liz sobbed, running from the room.

~*~~~~***~~~~~**~~~~~~~******~~~~~~

--** Trying too much but baby we can't win--**

The day after that, Spike and Buffy were still awkward and misplaced around each other. There were no more games of basketball. 

Liz made her way to Brian's tent where she knew he planned to spend the day as Buffy had to teach. After leaving Peter's room, Liz decided that she would have to do everything herself. Liz and Brian spent the whole day together getting to know each other and hanging out. Though it hurt her to realise that Brian was a really nice person, Liz remained dedicated to Sara's dream and that evening she put her newest plan into action.

"Eighteen…..Nineteen….." Brian was lying on his back pushing a board, with Liz sitting on it, up and down with his arms.

"Brian?"

"Yes."

"I don't think you should marry Ms Summers."

"Really?" Brian chuckled and raised his head slightly, "Why's that?"

"Well, look at you! You're so handsome."

"Why, thank you."

"So nice!"

"Thank you!"

"But Ms Summers, well, she's quite ugly isn't she?"

"Hmm, you think so?"

"Definitely."

"Who should I marry? Ooh, I have an idea, how about I marry you!" 

Brian smiled as Liz's face screwed up and she yelped out her answer.

"No no no no no!! No thank you!!"

"Oh, well, who should I marry then?"

"Britney Spears."

"Well Liz, I think that's a great idea. But, if I marry Britney, Ms Summers will be all alone and that'd be sad."

"Not a problem! I've found her someone else too!"

"You have?"

"Yeah, wanna know who?"

"Not really." Brian muttered ruefully.

"I'm sure you do really."

"I have a funny feeling I don't."

"Brian?" 

Brian and Liz looked to the entrance of the tent where Buffy was uncomfortably biting her lip.

"Yeah honey?"

"I want to leave early. Tonight."

  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~

Fill me with Xmas cheer  
No, I don't drink beer

What I mean is that Santa Claus

Can't open the doors

Of my creative pores.

So please review

And my brain will go 'ooh'

And fiction will ensue!


	18. Time

_Notes:_

**Oh my goodness!! You guys are honestly the most amazing people!!! I wasn't planning on writing much for a little while but all your amazingly gorgeously sweet reviews chugged this one out!! Hope you like it – you know what to do ****J**

**Btw – thank you for all the exam luck! You guys are great – aah!! What I really hate is the fact that these are the mocks –as in the practice ones – not the real ones so I can't get motivated to study (like I could if they were the real ones! Lol) but they are important in themselves!! Ok. I'm done ranting!**

**-------------------------------  
Now I don't really have the time but…..**

**Mynaorah:** aww, thank you! Yes, the poems are very special to me! Lol, I can't even remember what chapter I started them on….

**Smokey:** I am close! Very close to the end in fact!! Things are definitely on the wrapping up front!

**Anne:** thank you! Lol, I have a Spanish exam soon so now I'm painfully worried! Nah, I knew 'twas **niña** but that chapter was done really quickly! I'm reallllyyyyy having trouble with my Spanish – I don't know enough vocab – but I learnt a some today – look ( I don't have the book in front of me so some might be wrong!!):

Rara vez – rarely                siempre – always                aquí – here   
a menudo - often               allí – there                            un sobrino- nephew

**Jinet:** no bothering at all! Thank you in fact! Hehe and thanks for the luck – I'll need it! They're coming closer and closer…aaahhh!!!

**Msu/mel:** I LOVE YOU!!! It's true!! I proclaim it – YOU OWN ME man! You are such an amazing reviewer its not even true! You always succeed in making me feel really really special so thank you!! Aahh!! I'm going to miss you so much when this fic is over!!

**SlayerKid: **muchas gracias! You are another amazing amazing person. Thank you!! You always manage to convey that you are really interested in the plot and the little language thingies I do and you always pick up on the bits I want people to pick up on! ****MUAH**** thank you honey. A fit…..hmm…

**Freakonature: ** Tank tu!!! Woah!! Out of interest – how long did it take you to read all the chapters in one go? I'd really love to know J

**Neha:** Thanks! Agh! I had a huge like 2 year long crush on Shah  so I've seen all the films! I didn't like DTPH very much actually. I don't actually like that many Bollywood films, they are a bit too tacky but I do have several exceptions. 'Mohabbatein' was amazing for example, 'Dil Wale Dulhunia Le Jayenge' is an older one, they did a newer version: 'Dulhan Hum Layjayenge' or something like that with Salman Khan and Karishma Kapoor. 

________**__________________**

Stuff between these lines:

---

are song/poem lyrics, 

Tearing up my heart - Nstnc

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FIC HERE

~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~

**--Let it go; If you want me girl let me know--  
  
**

"Are you sure you have to go Miss Summers?"

Buffy smiled and hugged Verity. "I'm afraid so honey. Its' ok, you'll see me in a couple of weeks."

"But who's going to direct the show?"

"Hey now, I've taught you guys all the smooth moves," Buffy tickled the girl's ribs and after a few moments continued, tickle moment over, "Ms Dudley will take over now."

"But she's too bossy!"

"She'll be great." 

After a few more words with those still awake, Buffy told Brian to go ahead to the car while she talked to Liz. The dark-haired girl refused to look up, her tears not only for her father, but for her mother, for Buffy, for herself. 

"Hey, come on." 

"You're going."

"Liz…" Buffy stopped and bent down, turning Liz to face her. "I have to go."

"You don't."

"I do."

There was silence and Buffy feared that perhaps Liz had known more that anyone had suspected. Perhaps for that reason, the little girl would not forgive. 

Suddenly Buffy was engulfed in a tight hug. Biting her lip against the tears, the ex-slayer smiled and hugged back. "We'll see each other soon. I promise."

Pulling back, the blond smiled and stood up. Liz ran, catching up with the other kids. Taking one last glance at the camp, she turned to walk to the car.

"Oiy, Slayer. Where you going?"

Closing her eyes, she froze. No, it couldn't be him. He wasn't supposed to know.

But that voice, that tone, that smirk that peppered his words. That depth and sincerity that shone through once she finally accepted it. The loyalty and passion and -

"Planning on sneaking away again? You should have learnt your lesson. I always find out. Granted, wasn't Red that tipped me off this time, but…"

Bitterness.

"Don't do this Spike." she warned. Buffy could see Brian's car, dark but still the outline beckoned to her even as she turned to face him. 

Those eyes. They came closer and closer and invaded any personal space rule that would ever exist. His arms folded her into a hug. "Congratulations."

So this was the route he was going for. No 'I love you Buffy'. Just-

"He's a great guy. What you've always wanted. White picket fence an all that."

"Yeah."

"Here."

She looked down for the first time at his hands. There, resting gently in his palm was a silver chain with a delicately carved heart pendant.

**--++++---flashback---+++---**

Walking towards Sara, Buffy pulled out a box.

"I'll be missing the wedding, so I figured I should give you something now. It's not anything…but it's yours. Look after it."

Sara smiled, and then frowned slightly. There was something, not quite right about the Slayer. And then. She knew. Buffy was in love with Spike.

**--++++---flashback---+++---**

"You gave this to Sara when she was starting a new life, so I guess it's only appropriate that I give it to you when you're starting this whole new life."

"Thanks."

"I know you and Spike will be very happy together."

Buffy's lower lip trembled and she started backing away. "Brian." She gulped out.

"Brian."

Spike flinched and in that second she was gone.  The car door clicked and the engine purred away, leaving the vampire at a loss for words.

--** In the corner of my mind  
Baby it feels like we're running out of time--**

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Giles sighed.

"Why can't they all arrive on one bloody plane?"

"Because they're coming from different places in the world, Watcher."

Giles smiled. The moments with Spike and Liz were bittersweet, guilt and regret clouding over every time he realised how much time had gone by.

"Very well Spike, I've got a pen."

"Angel, Cordelia and newly adopted baby that they have decided to torture-"

"Spike."

"The kid's niece is older than him!"

"Yes, but you should support Angel and Cordelia's decision to have another child."

"I do not bloody count as a childe."

"Well, Cordelia was bound to you on her mating with Angel."

"Thank you for pointing it out book-lover."

"Lets continue."

"Alright, alright. Those three will be showing up on the 19th and they'll be going straight to the building I've hired for us all."

"That's only three days before the wedding!"

"I know but my new baby brother has a doctor's thing or something like that. New parents – paranoid and all that."

"Have you seen Connor?"

"Yeah, Liz and I flew over for a few days last week. Energetic tyke that one."

"Just like his older brother."

"Older by nearly 200 years."

"Spike, remain on topic."

"Oh, right. Red's coming with me and Liz and Peter."

"You're coming?" Giles' voice was soft. Spike had been debating on attending the wedding for the last two weeks.

"Liz. She really wants to go."

For a moment there was a pause that Spike broke.

"Well, we'll arrive on the 22nd. Our flight lands an hour or so before the ceremony so we will be just on time. It's at your house, right?"

"Yes, outside."

"Well, we can change real quick inside."

"Of course – but is there not an earlier flight?"

"There are a few but I have a meeting that morning about the galleries. I really can't miss it. We don't have them often, only about three times a year but this was the scheduled date and I'd piss off about 50 people – and that's only directly -if I cancelled."

"How about Xander and Anya and…Haile, Poppy?"

  
Giles' voice cracked horribly on the last two names especially. The old man's heart broke to think that he had missed so much in the lives of those he loved. The ex-watcher's soul ached to see them, to hear the laughter that the children he had brought up in Sunnydale were denied. Rupert Giles had seen enough evil in his time. He had fought enough and wept enough. What had he done it all for? For the joy of the young. For the times he could cherish in those of despair – for love.

"They'll be there on the 16th. Haile and Poppy can't wait to meet you."

"Yes. Yes, I'm sure they'll love to meet Uncle Giles."

Spike could hear the slightly bitter twinge in the Watcher's voice. So that's what the old man wanted. Someone to call him 'Grandpa'.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy ran her hand along the waves of the gleaming white wedding dress. The preparations were causing a constant murmur of activity to run through the house at all hours. Giles had been working hard to make the wedding perfect and she loved him for it. Of course he was giving her away, but he had still been genuinely surprised at her offhand comment in the early stages of the wedding.

'Of course you're giving me away Giles. You're my father aren't you?'

That had meant so much more than Buffy would ever realise. Hank, her real father, didn't seem too mind too much. He was coming as a guest and no more. She wasn't even going to invite him but Giles and Brian had insisted. Friends had come and wished her well, dropped off gifts and gushed over the dress. A few old aunts and uncles had decided to arrive as well but Buffy couldn't help thinking of her real family. She wanted them to be at the wedding, purely because she wanted to see them. But Spike had not contacted her and an invitation couldn't bridge the gap she had caused. She had given it all up in a stupid heartbroken decision. They were right. Spike hadn't deserved what she had done to him – yet she had done it again only a few weeks ago at the camp. 

'You always hurt the one you love'.

Those times, those years – they seemed almost part of another universe, another world, and another girl. The people, the loves, and the days – they all seemed to merge into one large ache that she labelled 'the bad years'. 

What scared her most was that in the midst of her white picket fence glory – the ache could almost be described as longing – labelled 'the better years'.

~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~**~*

"Do you think we'll recognise them?"

"Of course we will Dawn, now please stop wringing my hand." Giles seemed calm, but he himself was craning his neck trying to see The Harris family in the arrivals section of the airport. 

Buffy however, fell back, truly petrified to see those that she had not seen for so long. When Giles had told her that the Scooby Gang had scheduled another meeting so to speak, Buffy's whole world seemed to crumble. She knew that it was probably Spike that had asked them all to come. The ex-Slayer didn't know if he would come and she was too scared to ask Giles. The thought of seeing him again was something she couldn't face so she forgot about it. However, there was no avoiding the people from her past that she would have to face. Now, she was sorely tempted to run to the bathrooms and throw up and as she saw them turn the corner, luggage in hand, her stomach lurched, flopped and died on the spot.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*

"Xander, do I look ok?"

"Ahn, honey – you look as beautiful as you always do."

"Haile, Poppy, Liz, stay close now. It's kind of crowded." Anya seemed not to be able to tolerate silence for more than a few seconds and the kids were finding it funnier and funnier.

"Honey, please try to relax. It's Giles. The G-Man."

Nodding, Anya pulled Liz and Haile back slightly, fiddling with their hair – anything to keep her occupied.

After a lot of whining and smiling and pouting, Spike had agreed to let Liz go early with the Harris'. The three girls were practically giddy with excitement, so they did not take well to being used for Anya's nerves.

"There he is!"

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"There they are! Dawn, Buffy, quickly – there they are."

Dawn smiled, her heart warming at Giles' enthusiasm. 

"My goodness, look at the girls."

"They have three kids?"

"No no, Liz is the one that Anya…my goodness, Anya."

Time had changed all of them. Anya, of course, had aged gracefully and with no drastic change. Goofy Xander was still there hidden in the depths of quite the gentleman it seemed. Still not seeing Buffy, the group made their way, somewhat awkwardly to Giles and Dawn.

When they were a few metres away, Liz, Haile and Poppy had had enough of the parents and broke free into a run, all but lunging at Giles whose face lit up with a heartbreaking schoolboy grin. 

"GRANDPA!!!!!"

Too overwhelmed to process anything, Giles was hit by three small thumps that twisted his glasses and warmed his soul.

Pulling his arms free, Giles clung onto the three children with almost a sense of desperation.

"Girls! Back off, he's not used to your boundless energy."

The girls started to pull away but Giles stopped them. "No, no please Anya. Its fine. Please."

Anya, Xander and Dawn watched, not even acknowledging each other as Giles hugged the three girls and smiled, his eyes seeming to almost burst with each of their simple sentences.

'Grandpa, I packed this really cool picture we did at school to show you…Poppy doesn't like it but I think that…' 

Tears streamed down his face while a smile was irremovable from it and finally he looked up at Anya and Xander, who seemed to have realised that by breaking off contact with Buffy that had truly taken something away from Giles. 

Standing, Giles was immediately hit by an older thump as Anya clung to him, no longer able to hold back. Smiling, the ex-watcher held her close and more tears released his sadness. Anya cried too, laughed and pulled back, sniffing.

"Oh Anya. You have aged just as I thought you might."

"You're so old Giles."

"Well, yes, I'm afraid I am." Smiling, he raised his eyebrows and looked down in that way of his.

"Yo, G-man."

"Xander. My goodness."

They hugged, Xander pulling back and shaking his head. "I'm sorry Giles."

"We both are." Anya added.

"Lets forget about it."

"So where's Dawn and…Buffy?" Xander asked.

Giles frowned. Xander was standing right next to Dawn.

"I'm right here Xander." Dawn said.

"Woah!" Xander stepped back and squinted. "Dawn!?"

"Yeah." She chuckled and tilted her head at his shocked expression.

"Why are you so…"

"…much older? I grew up Xander…and cut my hair."

She smiled at his gaping mouth and giggled at Anya who rolled her eyes, shoved her husband out of the way and hugged Dawn.

"Don't mind him. He's very slow."

They all laughed. Giles had bent back down and was now hearing all about France from Poppy when he noticed an eerie silence from the group beside him. Just as he was about to comment, he heard Anya speak.

"Hello Buffy."

~*~*~**~**~*~*~*~**~*~*~

  
  
  


Revision is so bleak

And I've become far too weak 

To even write my poem

Reviews! Please sow 'em

I'm desperate, so keep me goin'

REVIEW!


	19. Reunion

**Hey guys! Thanks loads for your loveliness and support and patience! I put out a chappie of 'Childeren' and I seem to have lost all my readers judging from the response! Wanna thank my new wonderful beta persona, Aeth! Thanks loads! Yeah, so that's enough random babbling from me! I hope you guys like this and are still reading! Review!    
  
(btw! I got 5A's, 5 B's!!!)**

**This is a loongg chappie ****J Please please review!!**

~~~***~*****~~~~~~~******~~~~~~~~*

"Hi Anya."

"You look very well Buffy."

"Thanks, you look great too. Your kids are beautiful."

"Thanks. They're great."

They fell into a silence thick with words and apologies that were too built up to break down for each other. Xander simply came forward and gave the blond a hug and whispered, "I missed you."

Nodding into his shoulder Buffy let the tears fall and for a long time, she just hugged each of them in turn, clinging to them for the longest moments before forcing herself to pull away. Haile and Poppy awed her the most with their Anya-isms and Xander loyalty. The happiness in Giles' eyes tore at her heart and she felt that perhaps he could never be sated.

The drive to Spike's hired building was made in polite conversation but after a few hours at the rooms, the gang had eased up around each other a lot more. Giles, Haile and Poppy were in the midst of a story, Anya was ordering dinner, Dawn had left to go pick up Brian to bring him over and Buffy and Xander were talking on the couch.

"The whole teacher thing is still pretty cool, Buffy."

"Thanks. Who would've thought? But I really do love it, so it's great."

"I'm glad you're happy, if you're happy?" The way he said it hinted at things that the ex-slayer had hoped would not arise.

"Yes, I'm v-"

"Cut the crap Buffy. Are you still in love with Spike? Coz guess what, he's head-over for you. Esta en amorada contigo....or whatever, it might be amorado…"

"…the slime is a deep green colour, its because of their dimension-travelling. They have rather large feet…yes, Poppy, just like your Dad's…"

The silence between the two friends stretched and finally Buffy answered.

"No."

  
~*~*~*~*~**~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~~

Xander grinned as he watched his daughters play with the large mastiff. Sergio was a big hit with Haile and Poppy. All they could talk about was how adorable and sweet he was and Xander had a feeling that there would be the not-so-faint pattering of not-so-little paw steps in the Harris house soon.

Liz and Buffy were getting on amazingly and Liz had officially become Felia the cat's other owner. The group of friends went out for picnics and trips to the cinema or theatre and had an amazing time getting to know each other. Dawn shocked all of them with her anecdotes and catching-up was still being done. The kids had basically decided to stay with Giles and Angel and Cordelia were due to arrive soon. 

Brian was very surprised to meet this whole family of new people from a past Buffy claimed to have let go. None of them had been able to meet his eyes and Liz kept looking at him almost longingly. Feeling quite uncomfortable, he drowned himself in wedding preparations and all but left Buffy to her friends.

~~~~~~~~~*******~~~~~*****~~~~~******~~~~~~~~

"What time were they meant to get here?"

"Well Angel said that the flight landed at 2.30 so they should have been out nearly half an hour ago now."

"I'm sure the baby is just slowing them down."

Giles, Buffy, Dawn and Liz were all at the airport waiting for Angel, Cordelia and Connor to arrive. The Harris clan were being fitted for the wedding and would join them later.

Liz, her small hand held firmly between Giles' older ones, tried to peer past the crowd in an attempt to spot her Grand-Sire.

"There he is!" she screamed, running towards the vampire.

Angel grinned and scooped her up into his arms, lifting her high into the air. Giving her a thorough hug, he set her down and she clung to Cordelia's leg. The proud new mother bent down, holding her precious baby, and hugged Liz. 

"He's still so little." Liz murmured, too scared to touch the baby.

Cordelia grinned and pulled away a little of the blanket so that Liz could see Connor clearer. His small hand curled against the blankie and soft pink skin nestled towards Cordelia's body.

Angel smiled, still awed by his parenthood, and grabbed their trolley of luggage. Standing, Cordelia and Liz joined him, and the four made their way towards Giles, Buffy and Dawn. 

"Giles." Angel asked, somewhat shocked at the change in the watcher.

"Angel." Giles replied warmly.

"…Da-Dawn?"

"Yeah, geez. When I say you have not changed one bit, I can be taken literally."

Angel grinned and exchanged hugs with Giles and Dawn. Behind him, Cordelia held nervously onto Liz's hand and glanced towards the luggage. Her mate recognised the nervousness and gently pulled her forward. 

"Cordelia, and our son, Connor."

Giles and Dawn smiled as Angel carefully took Connor from her arms and eased her towards Giles. 

"Congratulations, you make a beautiful mother, Cordelia. It's been far too long."

Smiling, the teenager in her leaped forward and she clung to him, desperately seeking the support she'd always felt in Sunnydale. They pulled back and she hugged Dawn, complimenting the younger woman's growth. 

Buffy had stepped back, watching the scene play out, again feeling alienated and ashamed. As Cordelia took Connor from Angel and showed her son to the two, Buffy felt as if she should leave and run far far away. The dark-haired vampire saw her and came forward.

"Hello Buffy."

"Angel, congratulations. He's going to be a great kid."

"Thanks. Congrats are due to you also. I hope this guy knows how lucky he is."

"He does, thank you. You missed all the messy stuff luckily. Everything is pretty much ready now, so you get the beautiful glossy version."

"I'm glad, you seem really happy."

"I am. It's good to see you."

"It's amazing to see how you've escaped aging as well as I have." 

Buffy laughed and grinned. "You've not change much."

They spent a moment in a fairly comfortable silence that Buffy broke, "I don't think Cordelia wants to be here."

"I'm sorry." He said, not willing to deny the truth.

"No no, I don't blame her. It's nice to see she cares about her…son I guess."

Angel couldn't help but smile at that. "When trying to get on Cordelia's good side, do not mention the whole 'mother of Spike' thing. She is still unwilling to accept the title. When Liz told her that Spike had insisted that Connor is Liz's uncle, she nearly had a fit."

They laughed until finally, the other five walked over. 

"Hey Cordelia."

"I'm not the type to fake nice unless there is a very good reason, so I won't. Congratulations on your wedding, Buffy. I won't hide the fact that I could never condone what you did to Will, but I'm trying to get over it."

"Thanks Corde-"

"I also won't lie like everyone else. He loves you. So if you love him, don't be stupid."

"Honey…" Angel began, worried at her bluntness.

"No. I won't let her sit back and toy around with this. Spike is your childe Angel, why the hell don't you care enough to do something about that."

"It's not our place."

"Since when has that ever stopped me?"

"I…" Buffy began, shocked.

"Connor needs a change, I'd appreciate if we could head to Spike's place." She ended the conversation and Buffy nodded, mute. 

Giles cleared his throat and led the way.

~*~*~*~*~**~~**~

They all made it to the building, carefully avoiding the incident. Giles proved to be very good with Connor, which immediately put Cordelia in a great mood, and she chattered to the ex-watcher and Dawn about her baby. Angel and Liz had a lot of catching up to do and they giggled and laughed as though they'd not seen each other for years rather than weeks. 

Longing to be comfortable with her friends, Buffy felt tears spring to her eyes. They were all trying so hard to forgive her, but she knew that they still could not understand the cold-hearted way she had treated Spike.

She hadn't seen him for a while now and there seemed to be this palpable longing, a deep rooted ache, an unscratchable itch to stare into his eyes one more time and see, see if she really could spend the rest of her life away from him. 

In love with her? Could he be? 

She _did_ love Brian, and she could never hurt him by cancelling the wedding so close to the day. They would be happy together, and life was comfortable and steady with him. The goofy, devoted and patient man had truly been her support the past few years and loving him had happened so carefully and beautifully, it didn't seem right to ruin it. She couldn't help but wonder, however, about passion and fire and heat and electricity and breathless-

"Buffy?"

"Yeah?"

"You ok?"

"Yeah, I'm just thinking… maybe I should have the deep red tablecloth?"

~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~

"Tomorrow at 6PM, I am going to marry you, Buffy Summers."

"Well guess what. I happen to be marrying you at that exact same time."

"Damn. That's good."

Buffy smiled and they continued walking through the garden. The night was a classic summer night with autumn beginning to seep. The air was gripping in a clean, icy stillness with a distinctly fresh and thin feel to it. The ground was damp and the stars were crisp and clear. 

Looking back at the house she had started a new life in, Buffy stopped for a moment.

"It'll be so strange to leave home."

"We're not too far. It's a ten minute drive."

"Yeah."

They talked together for a while and finally decided to head inside. Liz, Cordelia, Connor, Anya and Xander were with Giles and Dawn, getting ready for dinner. Angel had taken Haile and Poppy out for the night since he'd not spent much time with them recently.

As they neared the back door, Sergio pawed towards Brian and Felia curled around Buffy's leg. Scooping up the cat, Buffy peered inside the apparently bustling house.

"Whats going on?" Brian asked.

"I dunno." Buffy replied and they walked through the conservatory into the living room. The sight that greeted them was one that Buffy was not sure she could fully absorb.

3D, Full-colour, Surround Sound Spike.

Oh, and Willow.

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~

My brain is like mush

And the scary voices won't hush

Make it all go away

By saving the day

There's not much to do

Please just review!!


	20. Family

**Sorry this is so short – there will be more shortly, it just needs to be beta'd :D **

**Ok – I just realised quite traumatically that I never posted the second chapter of this fic! I don't know how you guys understood it at all coz it's a big chapter! Lol – so yeah, its there if you wanna go. I also suggest reading this from the beginning as its been a bit of a big gap since updates :D I'm sooo sorry about that but life sorta is mean.**

**Hope you like this – any guesses on which guy its gonna be – those who've seen KKHH, bear in mind I've not stuck to it much at all so the ending is not the one I'll do in any case… who is it gonna be!?**

**Thank you so much for your reviews I was worried I'd lost you :D A special thanks goes out to Cassiel for one hell of a review – thanks so much. **

**And just to clarify – Spike and Willow are not a couple, it was more like, Spike was all that hit her, they she realised Willow was there to – she didn't even notice Peter arrived with them! **

**Hope you like this and of course, please review!!**

~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~

"…pass the salad please…."

"...here ya go..."

"…classes with a French chief?…"

"…poulet means chicken…."

Buffy's head spun with sensory overload. The large family dinner table was bursting at its seams (pleasing Giles immensely), causing Buffy's headache to deteriorate. Xander, Anya, Haile, Poppy, Angel, Cordelia (and Connor), Peter, Liz, Dawn, Willow, Spike, Giles, Brian and Buffy were painting a bustling picture that took more than a moment to take in. 

_He was there. He was in love with her apparently. _

_Why did two and two not equal four? _

"Pass the greens, luv."

_Why was the world silent?_

"Huh?"

"Pass the greens, luv."

The room seemed to freeze. Everyone was watching as the vampire looked coolly and casually at the Slayer who seemed to have trouble breathing. Brian furrowed his eyebrows and his gaze flicked between the members of a family he never knew existed as they openly gaped at Spike and Buffy.

"Sure."

She handed him the bowl. 

"Thanks."

Grabbing the salad tonsils, he put some on his plate and the silence was broken. Someone coughed, conversations continued and the vampire's gaze remained on his food. Buffy's lower lip trembled and she didn't think she would be able to handle the intensity…when he looked up. And his look said it.

It c_ouldn't_ be love. 

It wasn't…was it?

No…no…

Because if that was love, things would happen.

-~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~~*~***~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The room was a hazy apricot fit for a Hallmark moment. The kids were giggling beside the fireplace, Sergio and Warner intertwined between them. The adults were seated on large engulfing sofas talking quietly between each other with Felia the cat slinking along arms and laps. Gentle strums of guitar tones could be heard tingling in from the opened window as a busker on the street serenaded the neighbourhood into its slumber. 

"Buffy?"

"Mmm?" she turned her head lazily and smiled at Brian.

"Can we go for a quick walk?"

"Sure." 

They slipped out and Spike couldn't help but stare after her retreating figure. He sighed and turned back into the room, to find everyone staring at him. 

"Wha'?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"..whats going on?"

Buffy felt a twang run through her body. "With what?"

"You. The sudden appearance of the past that you 'left behind and wont let affect the future' must be doing something. I'm not stupid Buffy, you've been wired ever since camp. Ever since the camp where you run into your long lost friend Spike. Who you keep having awkward silences with and because of whom you suddenly see all your other friends. Who is he? An ex? The man you've been running from? The reason it's taken you so long to trust me? I deserve to know Buffy because I don't fancy marrying someone else's 'woman'."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"… nothings going on. We're not anything. Yes, I've bloody fallen for her…again. Maybe I never stopped completely, I don't know. But its her _wedding_. Yer all talkin' bollocks."

"But Spike, you love her."

"She's different. She's changed, I thought…I thought I'd found the old her, but she isn't the old her. My best friend Buffy is now soon-to-be-married-school-teacher Buffy. The past is the past…"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"…people move on, Brian."

"Not from loving people."

"Brian."

"Were you in love with Spike?"

The question hung.

"Yes."

"Are you in love with Spike?" 

He stopped them walking, the busker a few feet away, the air itself seemed to drip and the moment built with Buffy staring into the eyes of a man that she loved

"No." 

He looked at her, disbelievingly, and she smiled, believing her won words. 

"Brian, I'm in love with you. I moved on, I moved away. Time changes people, we're both different. Our friends just, well, they always expected that we'd have some huge realisation and then end up growing old together. But we didn't. And they live in the past – the last memory they have of me. But I'm..."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"…not who I was. I've changed; we're both so different now. I love the old Buffy, my memory of Buffy. This person, she's not her. This is who Buffy really is now. And she's…"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"…happy. So happy. I've found the man for me and he's you."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"…so its over. There's nothing left to say."

The room fell silent and Spike smiled. They would never understand – they understood the pain he felt no doubt; the poignant, panging ache inside of him. The ripping, clenching heartache at watching her marry – that was understood, that's the part that's always understood. But he knew, in his gut, in every fibre of his being that she was different now. That the world was different now. 

Because as time goes by, things happen.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I've got lots of exams

I'm as scared as I was in 'Silence of the lambs'

Please give me a review

So that when I go 'ooh'

Its coz I'm so happy

Not coz I'm…not.


	21. Old Buffy

**Thank you sooo much for your reviews! Its thanks to them that I've got this next chappie out. I'm really ill but you guys made me go 'aww' just *so* damn much. **

**Hope you enjoy this – please review!!!!**

**Expect more Childer-en soon for those of you who read it :D**

---------------------------------

"A trip?"

"Just for the day, we stay the night and leave early the next morning."

"Hmm." Buffy was dubious.

Dawn had suggested that the Sunnydale Gang take a short day trip to a nearby countryside lodge where they would be able to relax and see the beautiful British landscape. As pretty and quaint as the village they were in was, and as surrounded by large stretching fields…its trickling river couldn't compare to the large lake it joined up to a few miles away which was right beside the lodge. 

"Sounds good to me nibblet."

"Mmm, I'd love to show the kids the lake, it sounds beautiful." Xander pitched in.

"I think it's a great idea." Brian smiled. "Buffy you go- I'll stay here with the dogs and man the phone in case the caterers or the organisers call. You should go relax with your friends."

"You sure you don't mind?" Buffy said, furrowing her eyebrows.

"I'm positive, its settled, you guys leave tomorrow morning."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~

The drive down to the lake was made in almost silence. Liz, Haile and Poppy fell asleep in the car again instantly, the early start was far too early in their opinion and the adults were also toned down, partially due to the fact that it was indeed, very early in the morning, and partially because the countryside that they were passing was breathtaking in its early morning moisture and desertion.

Once they reached the lodge, they were beginning to wake up a little more and as soon as they'd gotton themselves rooms, they set off on the 15-minute walk into the nearby village that shared a small border of the lake. 

The day was spent in childish relaxation, dipping between the cobbled streets of the small village and lunching in an alleyway café between wandering around the local shops. They went to a local farm that did a small tour of its property and the kids were stunned to see cows and sheep close up. A good half hour was spent playing with the lambs and feeding them milk from bottles as they crowded round the gang's feet. 

Spike and Buffy seemed to slip out of time and everyone noticed it – they laughed in time with each other and were so carefree and energised it buzzed up the whole group. Dawn was shocked at the change in her demure, rulebook sister and Buffy herself felt all the tension melt from her muscles and she just had a good time with her best friend in the world.

In the evening they were invited to the daily lodge barbecue but for the hour or two they had before then, they went out onto lake and did a little fishing. Buffy took an opportunity in Spike leaning over the edge of the boat to push him all the way over and she giggled as his splash echoed across the water.

"BUFFY!" Liz giggled and her eyes went wide at her Dad's predicament. Grinning evilly, Buffy picked up the little girl and threw her into the lake on top of her father. 

They were all laughing and all of them jumped in save Angel and Cordelia who had taken Connor to bed and were spending the afternoon together. 

They paddled about in the lake until dark and then traipsed back to the lodge to shower and dress for the evening barbecue party. Spike felt his aching heart catch in his throat at the sight of Buffy that night. Her hair was pulled back slightly into a twist half ponytail and she was wearing a deep navy blue strappy dress and a matching necklace with a dark sparkling blue gem that was so close to black it warranted a second glance. He had chosen murky green khakis himself, with a black sweater. 

The kids ran about them trying in vain to catch fireflies with Xander who was claming to have caught them 'all the time when (he) was a kid'. The smell of barbecue and smoke lulled them into a comfortable chatting mood with the comforting presence of quiet background music. The evening progressed, people danced and eventually ate and as the night drew even darker, all the children ran into the shallow part of the lake and splashed around trying to cool down from the summer humidity. Buffy and Spike found themselves lying on a grass mound a little further away from the main activity, watching as their friends were either dancing, eating or playing around. 

"This has been an amazing day, Spike."

"That it has, I'm glad we came."

"Yeah."

They were silent for a moment and then Spike felt Buffy lay her head against his shoulder and her weight fall onto his chest. Leaning back on his arms, he just stayed still and they were silent together, just 'being'. 

Their heads shot up as the fireworks were lit and they watched as the bright colours were reflected in the lake below them. There were gasps and giggles filling the air as the two friends grinned at their initial shock and went back to lying down. 

 "I've missed this so much, luv." Spike said quietly. "Why did you leave me?"

Buffy stiffened and he took the moment to sit them both up and grasp her shoulders.

"Buffy?"

"It had to be done, Spike. Please leave it."

"No, I can't."

"Why?"

"Because Buffy, the only reason I'm not stopping this wedding is because I think you've changed into someone else and that you aren't the Buffy I'm in love with – the old Buffy. So tell me you didn't leave to get rid of old Buffy and I'll be ok…because if you did leave to get rid of her – she wont have gone and…"

He stopped, seeing the tears falling from her eyes and her breaths catching. 

"Ssh, pet, why are you crying?"

She let out a sob and he pulled her closer into a comforting embrace. 

"Please tell me." He whispered.

"Spi-Spike, I…I, I.."

He frowned, watching her struggle with her words.

The party continued behind them, giggles and squeals bursting through the night as the fireworks continued, but the two friends were oblivious to it all as Buffy, unable to speak, jerked Spike to her lips.

It burned. It stung. Blood rushed to her head and her entire body thudded with every heartbeat. They pulled back, blindingly gasping for a breath before forcing themselves together again. Tears streamed down her face with the ferocious pain and unbelievable, consuming release – after all those years, after not having him and getting rid of him from her life, he was there and they were together and –

"Guys. I don't think you should be doing that."

Buffy and Spike broke apart, breathless, and saw Xander looking at them, an expression of utter disappointment and severity in his features.

~~~~~****~~~~~~~*****~~~~~~~~~~#

I'm awfully ill

And I've taken a pill

But what'd really make me feel better

Would be a special type of letter

One that only you can do

So please, please review!


	22. Xander

**Thank you so much for your amazingly lovely reviews – you guys are absolutely awesome!!! Please continue – it really helps so very very much!!!**

**Chelsea – I gotta say late essays are killer, I have 4 and I'm dyinggg!!! **

**Hope you guys like this one – its getting closer – who is it gonna be? Brian or Spike?! You guys seem to be mainly rooting for Spike….**

**Any predictions? I'm still ill so the quality factor might be not-so-good but I'll re-write when I'm better if you want! I've tried to do especially well, but it might be a bit off! :D**

Closing her eyes, Buffy felt the breeze waft across her features. There was a deathly headache plaguing her already tense mind and her fingers grasped the edge of the balcony with what used to be her death grip. 

Xander stood at the door and waited a moment, collecting himself. 

*Have to be impartial*

He'd separated them and the night had quickly drawn to a close, the two blondes never interacting again, thanks to Xander. 

"Hey."

Buffy spun around but relaxed when she saw who it was, only to regain a slightly tensed physicality again. "Hi."

They stood in silence, both leaning against the wood and sighing. 

"I haven't changed Xander. I'm still me…but that me couldn't survive without Spike. So I made a new me. But…that new me can survive without Spike and is meant to be marrying Brian. I buried the old me."

"Yeah, well you've never been good at staying buried."

They both cracked a smile and Buffy shook her head like a fond mother would at naughty children.

"Which one is the real Buffy?"

"The one that needs Spike. I'll always be Spike's Buffy. He made me live Xander."

Xander nodded and again a comfortable, contemplative silence cloaked them.

"But the right thing to do is marry Brian."

"Buffy…" Xander turned her to face him.

"Close your eyes."

She frowned and smiled but he urged her on. Shrugging, she shut her eyes and listened.

"Clear your mind and breath in five's."

Buffy smiled at the old training exercise but managed it, focussing her mind to play on his words.

#~#~~#~#~#~#~flashback#~#~#~#~#~#~#

"Clear your mind and breath in fives."

The teenage Buffy focussed her mind to play on his words, it was almost like hypnotism.

Giles hit her hard on the shoulder.

She didn't flinch.

"Draw upon the pain."

She pulled the angry knot of pain from her shoulder and sucked it up.

"Push it to your right leg, just under the knee."

Pulling her mind forward, Buffy moved the pain to just under her knee and felt the jerk break her out of the exercise.

"That was good Buffy." Giles commented. "It shows your true focus."

#~#~~#~#~#~#~flashback#~#~#~#~#~#~#

She waited for Xander to hit her. But it never came. The silence in her mind highlighted something else, something she had ignored for a long long time.

"Draw upon the pain." He whispered.

She started crying silently as she pulled the angry knot of pain from her heart and sucked it up. 

"Pull it up to your mind."

She shuddered and used her mind to drag the pain to it. The tears were bitter against her lips as she heard Xander speak again.

"Make it an image."

And she knew, she watched it. In her cleared mind, the pain weaved colours and etched shapes until she was looking into the eyes of the man she had kissed earlier that evening. Jolted, she opened her eyes, like a deer caught in headlights.

"That was good Buffy." Xander commented. "It shows your true focus."

She nodded and he smiled in support before walking away.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The next morning was filled with the bustle of leaving. Spike craned his neck over the crowds in search of Buffy but he couldn't see her and Liz needed help. Sighing, he bent down to help her. 

Buffy stepped out of the lodge and immediately her eyes flicked around to find Spike- talking with Liz. Xander watched her and sighed. Those two were treading on very dangerous, very bad ground and it wouldn't be long till something happened and someone would be hurt.

"Hey." Buffy said, quietly. Spike turned around and they gave each other shy smiles.

"Hi." He said.

"We should talk."

"Yeah."

"Come on Uncle Spike!" Poppy yelled and the two blondes sighed and got into the cars they were going in.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Sergio, Warner and Felia were extremely happy to see the whole gang arrive back home and the driveway was filled with giggles as the kids (who were very attached to them) hugged the two large dogs and much smaller yet dominant cat that greeted them. 

Brian pulled Buffy into a hug and kissed her. She felt awkward and pulled back jerkily. He frowned and she smiled – "Headache."

He pouted and she giggled. He always made her laugh.

"Alright, I think a rather large lunch is called for." Giles said, smiling.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~**~

Xander pulled her back as everyone filtered inside. "You need to do something decisive Buffy. The wedding is the day after tomorrow."

"I know. I-I know." 

"What's stopping you?"

"I remember how much it hurt to see Spike with Sara, Xander. I've never forgotten it. My soul was dying on me and that's why I changed. I don't want Brian to go through that. I promised him I was over my past – he stuck with me and he-he's a good person. He doesn't deserve being stood up this close to a wedding he's been trying for for so long. I can't be that selfish, Xander."

"Alright Buffy. But you have to promise me something. Because I think you're wrong."

She stared at him.

"You have to tell Spike – _today_ – that you left because of him." 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I have no energy

To do my usual thingy

All I can say

Is "make my day"

and stop me being blue

By dropping me a review!


	23. Love

**Hey guys! Thanks loads for your reviews - they are so amazing and really really keep me going! This is a bit of an intense chappie! We are drawing very close to the close!! Aaah!! What will I do without you all?! I will say now - I'm not a fan of sequels - there will not be one! Again, thank you sooo much for the reviews and keep 'em coming- you'll only have to do it for a bit more!! **weep****

** Please review!!**

-----------------------------------------

Buffy stood for a moment, watching. Spike, Liz and Giles were sitting on the riverbank. They had gone for a walk. 

She didn't have to listen to Xander. 

The ex-Slayer was tempted to tell him that she _had_ told Spike – but she'd promised. And a nagging part of her that the 'new' Buffy wouldn't acknowledge told her that maybe Spike would make it all make sense.

"Giles, Liz – would you two mind heading home, I need a word with Spike."

Liz looked eagerly between the two, but all she saw was Buffy's tense posture and Spike's sudden downcast stare. Giles coughed and mumbled a 'See you in a bit' –and grabbed Liz's hand.

"We need to talk." She said, needlessly.

"That we do, pet. But I think we both know where it's going to end up."

"We do?"

Spike remained silent.

"Spike…I need to tell you why I left."

The vampire glanced up and she could see how hurt he still was by her departure. Fidgeting an unhealthy amount, she clumsily sat beside him and looked at the river, unable to match his stare. 

Side by side, they sat in silence for what seemed to Spike like an eternity. Her eyes were closed against the wind and she was silent -a strong figure as always.

"I fell in love with you."

She turned to look at him.

"And I couldn't stay."

Time froze.

The wind was all he could hear, cackling in his ear. Hazel eyes met Blue ones and she shrugged and smiled weakly. He opened his mouth to speak, but the words didn't form and he bit his lip, holding back the torrent of tears that threatened to spill – and did, toppling over the edge of his control.

Buffy's lip trembled with fear? Or sadness, or anger even… he still seemed to be absorbing it all and she was left with her heart wringing around in a disgusting pulp.

Finally, after what seemed like a sadistically long time, she heard him speak.

"I stayed Buffy. I fell in love with _you_ remember? But I stayed. You needed me and I loved you – remember? Then it was my turn to need you Buffy – I deserved an explanation." His words were bitter and angry; there was nothing of the compassion and guilt she had expected. There was no 'you did the right thing'.

"How can you say that? After all I've been through, after all the pain I dealt with – how can you be so _cruel_?" 

" 'You're beneath me' ring a bell, Slayer? 'You're a monster' – that was another one. You put me through hell and back-"

"So this is **payback** to you? Some sort of twisted revenge?!"

"No you stupid bitch…. **this** is me telling you that people deal with worse, they don't abandon their lives and run away."

"I WASN'T STRONG ENOUGH!"

"You were. I made you strong enough."

"And if I'd have stayed?"

"I'd have married Sara."

"Exactly."

"Just like you're marrying Brian."

"This is a totally different situation! What, you wanted me to wait 10 years in mourning over your sorry ass? I moved on – good for me. Like I knew I'd ever see you again!"

"You're meant to be the Slayer!"

"Against vampires and demons – not love."

"You left me Buffy!"

She stopped, hearing the desperation in his voice.   
  


"You _left me, _Buffy." 

"I-" she stuttered.

"No."

"You left me." There was a pause before he finished, "And you hurt me."

"You didn't _need_ me, Spike! You barely noticed I was there after you met Sara. What? I was meant to be the sacrificing lover and watch it all happen in front of me? I couldn't handle that."

"And I'm meant to?"

The blonde vampire's hands had travelled to her arms and he had a death grip on them as she looked down. 

"I'm meant to watch you walk down that aisle," he whispered, "and marry _him_ when you couldn't do the same."

"You could leave." She choked out, the tears starting again.

"But I won't. I'll fight."

"You'll lose." her voice was lathered with bitterness and anger.

"But I'll fight."

"Why?" If he had not been a vampire he would not have heard it.

#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#flashback¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬

"How're you going to do that, then?"

"Spike!" Simon rolled his eyes.

_-Hold the other person's hand to your heart_

_-Squeeze it_

_-Move the squeezed hands to the other person's heart._

#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#flashback¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬

Spike dropped his arms and with his right hand, picked up hers. Buffy's tear rimmed eyes followed their intertwined fingers as he held them against his heart. The barely controlled pain unleashed and the ex-slayer let out a sob and closed her eyes for a second as she felt his hand squeeze hers. Spike's stare was burning when she opened her eyes but nothing could break the contact. The blond vampire moved their hands to her heart and she trembled as he swallowed, preventing his own tears.

"Because." He whispered.

He smiled, raised his eyebrows and walked past her, heading home. The blonde woman was left standing; her hand against her heart in an ironic pose of declaration.

~*~*~*~*~**~

I feel no inspiration  
So gimme some elation  
By typing for a moment  
Think of it as atonement  
for all the times you didn't review  
-as you really should do.

Cmon babe, make me go 'ooh'. :D


	24. Fight

Hey! Hope you like this chappie – its really drawing to a close, the next one might even be the last chapter!!! OH MY GOD! Its nearly over, come on –  review it up for the end!!! Thanks sooo much for your reviews for last chapter, I took a bit to think of how I was gonna do this, and now I have a plan so thanks!!!

Hope you enjoy-  :D 

Buffy made her way towards the house slowly. From the bottom of the driveway she'd heard the bustle of the house. The kids were squealing and giggling with Sergio and Warner in the back yard while everyone else was in the kitchen that opened into the garden, having tea. The petite blonde made her way into the room and let herself be absorbed by the atmosphere. She laughed and giggled, swapped stories and gasped in horror at make-up disasters with the rest of them. Spike was outside with the kids so she didn't have to worry about accidentally catching his eye or knowing he was watching her.

"Good evening m'lady." Brian smiled as he entered the kitchen and she let herself be held, and smiled into his chest, content in an eerily happy, relaxed fashion.

"Hows your day been?" she murmured against his skin.

"Busy. I don't think Greg understands that I actually have to attend my own wedding and therefore can't do _his_ paperwork." He grinned. That was one of the things she loved about him, problems and trouble rolled of his back like water on a duck. 

"I can't believe you let him take credit for your work."

"What do I need confrontation for? I don't want his job. I'm happy exactly where I am, life couldn't be more perfect." Brian looked into her eyes and they kissed. 

Everything _was_ perfect for Buffy soon-to-be-not-Summers.

~~~~~~*******~~~~~~~**********~~~~~~~~

  
They were all sitting in the living room, the fire was crackling again and that same hazy glow of a hallmark family was twinkling around them. 

Cordelia kept sending Spike on errands to the kitchen for Connor and it had become a running joke between the friends. 

"You can speak French, Xander? That's impressive." Giles commented.

"Well, you sorta havta pick it up when you live there." He grinned, but he _was_ proud that he'd picked up a whole new language.

"Spike!"

"Step-mum." His voice held that barely constrained tension that precedes an explosion and his articulation was something to fear.

"Connor needs a hot towel."

Buffy glanced over, allowing herself a quick peek. Oh, the regret that followed. He was divine. Teeth clenched and eyes rolled back into his head, he made a sight that was not what a soon-to-be-married-woman should be envisioning unless it was her husband.

"Fine." He stomped off, gathering a chuckle behind him.

Cordelia grinned smugly and winked at Liz.

 Spike stormed back in, throwing the wet towel at Cordelia. "There."

"Thank you William."

"Don't call me that!" Spike scowled and Buffy found herself giggling and wanting to swat him and tickle him like she used to. 

"...so wait, there never was a rebellion?"

"Well no, you see it was all documented incorrectly." Giles eagerly told Anya.

"Ah yes, documenting, important." Xander stated, sombrely. 

"The..ah…_documentary_ on the rebellion could be….'When documentation goes wrong'…." Brian added, teasing.

They all laughed.

She glanced over and saw him. There was nothing more she wanted in the world than to walk over and collapse in his arms. But Brian couldn't go through what she had. That pain – that was cruelty beyond belief.

"I'm still in love with Spike and I don't know what to do."

Hold on, what had just happened?

Buffy noticed everyone seemed to be looking at her.

Oh.

Shit.

~~~~~~~~*************~~~~~~~~~~~~*************~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Could everyone please give Buffy and I a moment." His voice…what was it? Was it the scary kind of calm? 

Was it emotion-less? Was it barely contained anger? 

She'd missed it in this random turn of events that had somehow transpired.

The world seemed to be placing her in a box and continuing. Nothing made sense and she didn't want it to. Live without Spike – the simple prospect of it, suddenly made her very listless, careless, sloppy…

*yeah, stupid and sloppy enough to have said _that_*

Buffy cursed herself under her breath and waited as everyone shuffled out of the room leaving her alone with Brian. How had they done that so quickly? 

"Tell me. What happened?"

So Buffy did. She explained about being a Slayer, she explained about vampires, she explained about dying, she explained about living and then she explained about _living_ – with Spike. How her entire existence was elevated to a point where she was in awe of _herself_ – oh, it wasn't narcissism or arrogance- it was Spike. Then she told Brian about Sara and that was when the tears began, again. The blonde spoke of the pain and fear and loneliness that had taken over her life and then leaving for England, then meeting Liz, finding out that Spike was alive and well and alone after all… 

"You fool."

Buffy looked up.

"You were going to give all that up for me? So I wouldn't feel what you did when you left? What gives you the right to determine what I do and don't feel?"

Buffy sniffled and opened her mouth to speak, but her fiancée swooped down to sit beside her, taking her hands.  "I love you."

"I love you too." She replied, honestly. "I want to put Spike behind me. I want to be with you."

"Buffy." He chuckled. "I've waited so long to see that look of unbelievable overwhelming love on your face…that desperation of needing and wanting a person so much more than anything…and then I saw it. For a brief, mad moment, I saw the wild, erratic core of you."

#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#flashback¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬

Pushing past the clawing brambles and bushes, Buffy ran, letting out the excess energy that he had built up in her mind. Finally, she threw herself against a tree, panting, she sobbed, soaked through and distraught - her mind couldn't focus on anything. All she could put her finger on was that she loved him. Nothing else mattered. No one else mattered.

Strong arms pulled her into an embrace and without a second thought she let it all out, the emotion, the desperation and the need for him that she kept within herself for so long. Too long.

"I love you. I really, really love you." 

"Hey, baby…I love you too."

Buffy's head snapped up and met the smiling eyes of her fiancée.

#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#flashback¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬

"..and I realised I didn't know that woman. I realised it then but I didn't want to think on it or understand why you would say that…if it wasn't for me."

"I-" Buffy didn't know what to say, everything was happening so quickly. Everything was coming to a point faster and faster, unnaturally fast. Words she hadn't planned to hear were being heard and people she hadn't planned to hurt were being hurt.

"I know you're adamant not to put me through what you went to- to be honest, I don't fancy the idea either. But if you want to do the right thing – you need to realise that-"

"It's Spike." she whispered. 

"It's always been Spike." Brian murmured gently, smiling at her. 

"No. No." Buffy shook her head. "No."

Brian sighed. "Alright. You won't pick Spike yourself. Personally, I don't know if he deserves you – he was going to let you go through with this. Its about time he did something about the feelings going on here."

The ex-slayer opened her mouth again but closed it, like a goldfish without a clue.

"I'm going to marry you tomorrow evening. If Spike doesn't do anything, if he lets it all happen – if he doesn't fight for you – I'll marry you Buffy. Because if he can't even fight a little, he doesn't deserve you and I'll love you."

"If he fights?" Buffy's voice sounded unnatural to her, hoarse and quiet, restrained.

"Then he'll win." Brian replied.

"I'm not a prize to be won."

"And the relevance of that comment flew right by me."

"It was a nice try."

"Feminism is just funny now."

"Sod you."

It was oddly comfortable considering the conversation they had just had.

"Promise me something." Brian whispered.

"Anything." 

"Don't tell Spike about our little…wager."

Buffy looked up at him, fear in her eyes. The big plan was to tell Spike that she wanted him to back away – that was the plan, that's what was meant to happen…

"Buffy, you're too damned scared – you don't know what to do with yourself. This has been building up inside you for 12 years. You can't control the intensity and I can see that. And you're scared its not true because you put Spike away in a 'can never have' box and now you can and its like fiction's just fucked you over and stepped right into reality."

Hugging her, they rocked together while the reality of her situation crashed upon her.

"If Spike loves you, he won't be able to sit back knowing you're doing something you don't want to. He'll try to, for you. But if he loves you, he'll fail. And I'll be ok. But if he doesn't... I'll marry you. And I'll do my best to…fill his place."

"Brian." She rasped, her mind dizzy and her senses on full alert, every breath was controlled, every movement was followed through – it was like slow-mo in real life but realer…

"Lets go to sleep, we'll see what tomorrow brings, eh?" he whispered.

--------~~~~~~-----------~~~~~~~~~

I'm so damn tired

The poetry writer will have to be hired

So that despite being asleep

My substitute will help the reviews reap

So come on!

And review!


	25. The End

So, this is it. We come to an end. I'm sorry it took so long, but well, the length should make up for it a little. This is the big ending! So many thanks. I'm a terrible writer, I really would have just stopped if I hadn't had those amazing reviews from you guys. And not only did they push me to write this, they pushed me to write some original work as well. On top of that, they made me feel better after bad days and exams. For all this, I am grateful to you guys, even those who have silently read this whole time. 

**My results come out in August, wish me luck :D **

**_Childer-en_ is also nearly done, so those that read, stay closely tuned. **

Thank you.

FinnGrrPupPet

Buffy lay in bed. She could hear the house, a live mass of preparation around her. They all thought she was sleeping, storing up energy for her big day. How had everything slipped from her control? How was this whole thing even happening? Why was it happening? Why couldn't she just rest?

/// "If Spike doesn't do anything, if he lets it all happen – if he doesn't fight for you – I'll marry you Buffy."  ///

So it was all coming to this, some sort of showdown. If Spike didn't do anything, she would marry Brian. 

**That was the deal? What deal? Why is there a deal? Is love about deals? Why am I thinking this? Why is my mind only question upon question?**

In her heart, Buffy knew Brian was right. If she had known Spike loved her…

_**I could never have left. I left because Spike did love Sara**_

So, it was Spike's move.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Spike knew he was a coward. But this wedding was what Buffy wanted. And he knew that if he stayed – he couldn't watch it play out. He would do something, ruin it and Buffy would hate him and the wedding would happen anyway. This way, at least they could be friends. Sighing, he checked his mobile and walked into the kitchen, everyone was there, and the excitement was practically oozing off their every pore. 

There was a slight lull on Spike's entrance but when Brian pulled out a chair for him, the mindless chatter continued. They had all been told that the 'problem' had been resolved, everything had been talked out and the wedding was set to go. 

"Thanks, mate."

Breakfast continued. Spike was getting antsy; he just wanted to be out of there. Glancing at his watch, the vampire realised there were still 3 minutes to go before his assistant called. 

_**Why did I say five minutes? He could have called in two minutes, still not suspicious. Why five?**_

The blonde's fingers itched. He reached for an apple and crunched into it, tapping his feet and chewing at an alarming pace.

//Ring//Ring//Rin-

"Hello?" Spike tried to make it sound surprised. At least he was doing something now.

Everyone turned to look at him. 

"…are you sure? Can't you move it to later in the week?…mm…well McGrower was a bad idea…Can't you send over Raza for the moment?…"

Everyone listened to the one sided conversation and watched as a frown settled over Spike's features.   
  
"Alright, I'll catch the next flight then…alright, thanks, bye."

"You're not going are you William?" Peter asked.

"I'm afraid I am. There's a huge problem at our branch in Cairo – the guy I had in charge turned out to be a bit of a wa-"

"Spike." Giles warned, cocking his head toward the children.

"Ah right… well, he turned out to be not so good. Burnt down half the branch and ran off with three million smackeroos."

"Can't it wait? The weddings only in a few hours…"

"I tired that but they're pulling up a meeting now – the rest of the branches think there might be an international threat – they're saying the guy that ran off is working for mafia. They want more security _now_ or they'll strike. They're scared really, so I've gotta go sort it out. All the branches have one or two really really valuable pieces and they're trying to buck pass responsibility like madmen. If I don't go, the whole system could collapse. I'm really sorry."

"That's awful!" Anya said, indignant. "I can't believe it!"

"Is it going to be ok Spike? You couldn't lose it all…" Xander furrowed his eyebrows.

"Nah, it'll be ok. I just need to calm them down and get to the bottom of it as soon as possible. I really wish I could have stayed."

//Ring//Ring//Ri-

Spike picked up the phone. "…alright...an hour? Thanks."

"My flight leaves in an hour."

~~~~~~~***********~~~~~~~~~*********~~~~~~~~~

"Oh, right."

Brian studied his fiancée's face for any sign of disappointment or anger or…anything. But he got nothing. She was just nodding.

"Well, I guess you were right about him. Now we can get married in peace and put this behind us. I'm glad."

Brian sighed. "I'm trying to convince him to stay – I think he's chickening out."

"Just let it GO! Spike was never mine, he'll never be mine and vice versa. I'm trying to have a wedding today and all you want to do is find a way to ruin it! Anyone would think you couldn't bear the thought of marrying me!"

Her outburst resulted in an echoing silence.

"I love you. You don't love me. I want you to be happy so I'm doing my best to get you another man – if he's worthy. I'm sorry he's not who you thought he was. And I'm sorry he doesn't love you enough to do the right thing. But don't pretend I don't love you – because I do and this hurts me more than you leaving Sunnydale hurt you."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Spike."

He turned. Damn. It was her. Everything had been going so well. 

"Buffy, I've been looking for you. No doubt you've heard."

"Yes."

They were standing by the door, his suitcase packed, the taxi waiting. 

"Yes, well, it's a bit of an emergency really. I tried to delay it a bit but the situations a tad screwed. Worst possible timing. I hate to have to go."

"You sound like Giles."

"Buffy, please."

"Yes, Spike?"

Her face was bleak. Her eyes were wide and…angry? Was she angry? Spike furrowed his eyebrows and stepped back a little. Her voice was airy, she almost seemed ghostly to him. The blare of the driver's horn did nothing to break her hold on him. 

"Don't go Spike."

"I have to."

"Please."

"I'm sorry. I can't."

"I thought you loved me." She whispered. The world seemed empty around them. Neither could hear any bustle or commotion, no animals ran past, no people called out to them. Everything seemed to have stopped, and every word was heavy in the air almost as if it was drooping from an old leaky tap and if you tried, you could taste it. 

"I do." 

And with that, he left, clicking the door shut behind him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"All the cars have gone to the marquee." Giles smiled. His daughter (by all but blood) looked beautiful. The dress was a delicate white gauze petticoat that spread out like a Victorian ball gown with a fitting white corset that had thin grey beading swirling across it. A simple diamond pendant rested against her throat and her blonde hair fell in a tumble of curls with a few strands pulled back into a silver tiara with light diamond studding. A veil fell off it and the make up was simple and natural. She looked radiant. The jewellery was from Giles' family collection and he felt indescribable pride swell in his soul at the sight of them on Buffy.

"Who's left for the last car then?"

"Xander, Willow, Pauline and us."

"Alright, we should probably leave in a few minutes."

"Yes. You look beautiful Buffy."

She smiled and they hugged.  "No man could be prouder of his daughter than I am of you. And no Watcher will ever have a Slayer like you."

"Oh, Giles." She bit her lip to stop the tears falling and sniffling, they started downstairs.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Spike yawned. They were stuck in a traffic jam. At least he was well out of the vicinity of Buffy. Thoughts nagged his mind…was she walking up the aisle yet? No, not yet, soon. She was probably on her way to the marquee. 

#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#flashback¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬

Buffy clicked her tongue and tapped her foot like she always did when he was late.

----------

- Touch noses

- Bump right shoulders.

- Hold an imaginary stake to own heart and stake twice.  
- Hug.

-----------

Spike got a job. Spike got a birth certificate, a passport and an existence. All over again, just like Buffy had done. Spike had enrolled in college just as Buffy had done. Spike had to patrol just like Buffy did. Spike was Buffy and Buffy was Spike. They did it together. Everything Buffy had to do, Spike had to do.

---------

Her body was wallowing in a huge sweatshirt and loose khakis making her appear much smaller and vulnerable than she really was. Spike grinned at her; she was the image of perfection in his mind, from her scruffy ponytail to her worn sneakers. 

---------

They were quick, so in tune with each other that it looked like a choreographed sequence, an erratic dance of movements and gestures. 

--------

Doors were slammed, tongues were protruded and ice cream was consumed. A normal day for Buffy and Spike.

#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#flashback¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬

Spike smiled haltingly. The memories could not help but make him smile. She was his everything, the ray of light in his world and he'd lost her. 

~~~~~*******~~~~~~********~~~~~********~~~~~~~#

"Sit still!" Anya scolded her antsy children as they tried to peer down the aisle in an attempt to catch sight of Buffy.

Buffy was, of course, the calm and collected Slayer they all knew and loved. The wedding was taking place in a marquee and luckily the day had turned out brilliantly to suit them.

Brian waited at the 'alter' and could be seen talking to his mother while they waited for the music to start up. The pianist was a little late. 

Outside the marquee, Buffy stood with Giles behind the string of bridesmaids in front of her. Everyone was talking and laughing, oohing and aahing as you do at weddings. Finally, the music started up and after a quick 'eek' from Dawn and an 'eep' from Willow, they started gliding down the aisle. Giles was having an attack of the nerves and kept ruffling about and nodding. Buffy smiled and put her hand on his arm in an attempt to calm him. 

"Its right together left, right?"

"Giiiilles, calm down." Buffy smiled as he mumbled and muttered to himself, ignoring her. 

"It's us!" he yelped a few moments later. Squaring his shoulders, he took Buffy's arm and they started walking down the aisle. Everyone stood and turned to see her. Giles puffed out his chest in pride and the smile on his face was as enormous as that of…well, a father giving away his daughter.

The scene was perfect, traditional, modern, romantic, special and glossy as it should be.

Giles kissed her cheek and handed her over to Brian. The music slowed to a still. The formalities went as they always do and finally they both said, "I do." And they were married. They kissed amid the cheers and whistles from their friends and family.

"So, we're married then?" Buffy whispered, smiling.

"I guess so."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The reception was outside the marquee, white tables and umbrellas were scattered in front of a stage where the band entertained them all while they ate from the buffet. A dance floor of sorts was created on a section of grass and copious quantities of cake were consumed.

And it was then, amidst all this that Spike arrived.

"I'm guessin' I'm a tad late for the big entrance."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"No problem." He muttered. Spike, feeling distinctly foolish, turned to leave.

"Spike?"

Damn, it was her.

"Hey, Buffy. I managed to get myself a few more hours here. Took a little work but I felt awful for missing your big day. I guess I missed the main bit though."

"Its alright. It was beautiful…"

"I've no doubt."

"Spike." Brian stood beside Buffy and felt a frog gloop up his throat. Everything was meant to be over. They were married now.

"Hello Brian…congratulations, to both of you." He smiled.

"Thanks."

Silence.

"Well, is there food?" Spike grinned and the couple nodded and pointed out the buffet. Rubbing his palms together, Spike raised his eyebrows and head towards it.

"Well…" Brian began.

"It doesn't mean a thing." Buffy told him, believing it.

They were about to go dance when they saw Spike turn around and walk back towards them.

"I'm not hungry." He said.

"Oh, right." Buffy replied, dumbly. "Well, you can dance…uhm…talk to people…"

"No, no. Brian mate, I'm sorry. Buffy…I came to stop the wedding."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The reception sounded like a carnival of laughter and children's screams of delight. The food left a pungent scent in the air and the band's music was light but jovial. 

Spike was smoking, sitting on an icebox behind the marquee. Away from everyone.

The big statement wasn't as cool as it had sounded in his head. They were married. He was too late. It could have been different. Spike could have had Buffy.

Though his thoughts were churning, he appeared bored and drowsy to all those that chanced to see him from the street. Nimble fingers rolled the cigarette between themselves and brought it to pale lips for a long, slow drag. 

"I thought you gave up smoking." 

He closed his eyes and hoped she would disappear. When he felt her shadow beside him and an added weight to the icebox, he knew for sure that his hoping never paid off.

"I did." He replied to her statement. "For Liz. Sadly, another lady made me start up again."

"Just this once then?"

"Of course. What am I, nuts? No way in hell is Liz going to think smoking is ok."

Buffy smiled. "You're a good father."

"Yeah."

Silence. Again.

"This is no' how its meantta be." He stated. "I was meant to swoop in, swoop you into my arms, and swoop off with you. In general, there was intended swoopiness."

He heard a gentle laugh from her. They looked at each other for the first time. 

"You look amazin', pet."

"Thanks." She murmured. There was something special about her, something ethereal and above him. It was almost as if he had been allowed into a beautiful painting of a fairy with golden hair and wise eyes.

"You know Spike, I think there's something in fate that says we can't be together."

"I reckon that's prolly a decent suggestion." He smiled. "Buffy, I'm so sorry."

"What for?"

"For being too late."

"Its alright."

"It could still….I mean, we could still…."

"I'm married."

Spike nodded and bit his lip, hard. The bitterness was as sour as the coppery liquid that spilled onto his tongue. It was over. 

~*~*~*~*~~~*~*~*~*~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~*~~~~*~*~*~*~

"What's going on then?" Brian asked, trying to sound matter-of-fact. But the nervousness crept into his voice with shameful ease and he let out a little breath looked at her.

"I love you and I'm married to you."

"What about-"

"Gone. On his way to the airport." To his surprise, she smiled. "I think there's something about me and Spike. Something beyond a relationship. Something beyond earth and dimensions. I think its something in our destiny. Every time we try to affect it, things go wrong. Maybe we're destined for something beyond all of this, or maybe we were destined for something a long time ago. Whatever it is or was Brian, I'm **here** right now. I'm with you and that's what is meant to be. Spike…he doesn't fit. I think we both understand that."

"So you're saying you might fit at a later date?" Brian asked.

"I'm saying, Spike and Buffy aren't meant to be together. They're meant for something else and we confused it all. I love him, I'm in love with him. But, that's not enough. I don't think it ever will be. So, I'm saying we should go dance, because we just got married."

"What about our fate being in our hands?" Brian shot, stubbornly.

Buffy smiled. "I have experience with destiny. You can't run away from or skirt around it."

"I don't understand this Buffy, its not making sense."

"Spike and I belong to a different world. A world I thought I belonged in forever. But time changes, people change and worlds change too. What you want and need and who you are aren't necessarily hidden away, they just change--"

"You're talking out your arse, Buffy. So what, he showed up after the wedding – he showed up. To stop the wedding. You should be with right now. Do you even understand what you're saying?"

"Yes, I do."

"Well, I don't. You're someone totally different to who I thought you were. I've been trying to deny it, but its true."

"I didn't let you know me very well."

"And now we're married."

~~~~~~~~~**********~~~~~~~~*********~~~~~~~~~~

"Buffy, is that all of them?" 

"Yeah, Thanks Brian."

He smiled and the two of them surveyed the apartment.

"Its not fabulous." Buffy said. "But it's a start."

"Yeah, clean up the layers of dust, a little paint, furniture, lamps…it'll look great." Brian smiled.

"Yeah, I think it will. It'll be fun doing it up, decorating is always a blast."

"What are we going to do first?" he asked, leaning against the doorframe.

"Getting rid of the dust, and then paint!"

"Great, I'll be over tomorrow morning then." 

"Cool, thanks Brian."

"No problem."

They hugged and then he left, leaving Buffy in her new apartment. 

"Oh, Buffy…"

She turned around to see him standing at her door again.  "Yeah?"

"I'm glad we're friends."

"I'm glad we're friends too." She replied sincerely.

He turned to leave but again turned back for a final thought. "Don't be late tomorrow."

"I won't be." She giggled. "Its not everyday you get put in the Guinness World Book Of Records for _Shortest Marriage_!"

~~~~*~~**~~~***~~~*~*~*~~**~~~~**~~~*~~~*~~~~

"Hey Dawnie, where's Giles?" Buffy grabbed an apple from the fruit basket.

"Hey! No eating from fruit basket of the house you no longer live in!" Dawn grinned. "Giles is in France. He flew over for the weekend."

"Alright, never mind. When he gets back tell him to give me a ring."

"Cool."

The sisters talked for a few moments before Buffy left to go shopping with Brian. The two friends had decided to just start things with a clean slate. They planned to get to know each other better than before. There was no pledge of more, but Buffy had promised that she would not hesitate to act on any such feelings and Brian promised the same if it occurred for other women.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

So, life had taken an unexpected twist. Buffy thought about all that had happened while she plodded through her living room/kitchen/dining room/study, ice cream pot in hand. The blonde settled herself in front of a little TV to watch _Casablanca_.

Of course, Buffy was a little apprehensive about the future. The world seemed less stable than it had before and the thought that Spike was just across the channel comforted her and gave her strength, just as it always had. No one could predict what would happen tomorrow and Buffy realised she had missed that feeling. 

Life goes on, people change, people get to know one another better, people get to know themselves better, people realise things, people do things and before you know it, in times when nothing makes sense, the best things happen. 

**The End.**

So, my friends

We reach the end

The story's done

Lets go get a rum

But just before you toddle away

I have one final thing to say

Through all the poems at the end

I've asked one thing for you to send

I've compared you to poo,

Stopped you going to the loo, 

Probably even told a dog to piss in your shoe 

Just so that you

would review.

Push the boat out

I'll wave and shout

Drop me a line

Make my sun shine

And I'll release these poems on album

Produced by a bloke named Malcom

You'll be able to hear me rappin'  
And hope no other things happen.

Adieu!


End file.
